Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30700) - you totally deserved it (16087)
On 06/26/2009 at 12:51pm - misc - by LondonKitsch (woman) - United States
I almost wet myself laughing. Funniest thing I've read in a while.
#39 - On 06/26/2009 at 5:51pm by ImaBmyLonurTees
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adam, 2 things. one, your 35 not 2 you fucking dumbass. two, YOU SUCK AT LIFE!
#72 - On 06/26/2009 at 7:28pm by lolzforfun228
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You know, some people are into that kind of stuff
Queefing can be quite kinky
Come on, the guy that can't count (#35) fails more than a guy who forgot an apostrophe and the letter 'e.' Don't you think?
This could have been avoided had you simply introduced yourself. It's much easier than people think.
#72 was referring to the comment number (35) because the comment said second. I think you fail at life.
#124 - On 06/27/2009 at 12:20am by alexm778123
Redneck325Ci, why are you talking about age?
and OP that sucks. lmao
#134 - On 06/27/2009 at 1:28am by sugar_bear
Well if you want to get all technical...your period should go inside the quotation marks. But since you missed that, perhaps you fail at life :)
#140 - On 06/27/2009 at 2:55am by x33mandi2008
I'm pretty sure #35's just kidding, cos his reply's under #1. Jeez, guys, chillax!
#141 - On 06/27/2009 at 4:03am by PumpkinTarte
Redneck - You used that semicolon improperly, you know. Semicolons are used to separate two independent yet related clauses. An independent clause is able to stand alone as a sentence; "#72, it doesn't display your age, but whatever age you are" is not a complete sentence.
perhaps you fail because you use stupid smiley faces... by the way your hott and I want you on an ice cream cone topped with love! lol
haha, IKR. I probably would have tried to play it off.
Somehow..
#90 - On 06/26/2009 at 8:39pm by lynnesey
Not just a regular queef, but an obnoxious one? *snort* Okay, that's seriously funny. I'm having a good laugh right now! HA!
No, it's not. A queef sounds the same as a fart but there really nothing disgusting about it apart from the sound.
A fart is disgusting, because it's a collection of smelly intestinal gassed mixed with poop particles.
A queef is just air trapped in a vagina because of movements.
And apart from that, there's nothing you can do about it. It just happens, mostly during sex.
#92 - On 06/26/2009 at 8:41pm by crazy_cat_lady24
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yah do realize that having a fart is funny cuz its come from a butt which isnt dirty but a queef comes from a vagina and little kids fart and comes out of there butts but should kids know about vaginas and make it so queefs are funny
This reminds of the FMl where the BF thought queefs were hot and when the GF tried to do it he puked lol.
^^^^^^^what the hell does this (#96) say??? ^^^^^^^^^^^ i tried to read it like 5 times and i still can't understand it. is it even in english??!!
#127 - On 06/27/2009 at 12:31am by bleepyourlife
say someone scrubs their butt..and then you lick it..will you most likely get some poop particles in your mouth..even just a tad..or if it's clean..it's safe?
#169 - On 06/28/2009 at 2:35am by hugzandkisses666
HAHA! That made me laugh harder then the fml. (#169)
And if you can queef on command, or it just happens sometimes, I hear that means you're loose? Like a slut. Anyone know if that's true or not?
#177 - On 06/28/2009 at 2:24pm by floresntadolecnt
No, no, no. That is not true at all. I'm a virgina and can do it on command. If anything, it means that you have more control.
hahahha this made me laugh so hard ^^^^ you said you are a virgina... first of all it's vagina and second how could you possibly be one hhahahahhah
What yoga position were you in? FYL, that had to be the most embarrassing thing ever. HAHAHAH
#11 - On 06/26/2009 at 5:21pm by swiftynifty
Urbandictionary.com, man.
Works wonders. I feel honoured to be playing a small but simple part in disrupting the innocence of your mind.
haha urbandictionary.com is beast. but yeah i know what it is, rather wish i didnt. thank god its never happened to me though! :)
#85 - On 06/26/2009 at 8:29pm by basketballbabee
queef=when air comes out of a woman's vagina sounding like a fart
#181 - On 06/28/2009 at 6:28pm by fmlcrycrycryfml
hahaha. wow
sucks for you.
next time trying saying "hi".
fyl.
#17 - On 06/26/2009 at 5:24pm by mexicansweetie48
wtf is wrong with people who use this site? its the same with youtube. you realize you're on the fucking internet. you look up what a queef is on wikipedia or something and know in a fraction of the time it would take to comment on this fml and wait for someone to respond. do you not know what the internet is for?
#117 - On 06/26/2009 at 11:48pm by stevesp101
Anyone who won't date you because your vagina works like a vagina is a douche, and you should get over it too. People who get upset over bodily functions are way too uptight.
#22 - On 06/26/2009 at 5:29pm by pleasetryagain
We live in a world of equality. If men aren't allowed to fart in front of a woman until after consummation, shouldn't the same extend to the wimmens?
Unfortunately, it just doesn't work that way... you can't hold in a queef, and you have no feeling of when it's going to happen (unlike a fart). I'm sorry that happened to you. The most embarrassing moment of my life happened to involve a queef too...
#37 - On 06/26/2009 at 5:43pm by tiffany_lynne
That's right. queefs cannot be held in or detected in advance. I know of some women who can force them out on purpose using their vaginal muscles to trap in air and release it, but that's about it.
The vagina has no nerve endings the further up you go, which is why a tampon can't be felt once it's inserted. And as such, if there's an air bubble there, you have no way of knowing it.
So it's different from passing a regular fart, as you typically have mucho warning for those, and control (most of the time). The queef is just one more thing your vagina likes to do to make your love life awkward.
oh yeah, and for those who don't know, a queef is a vag fart
#25 - On 06/26/2009 at 5:30pm by suckitsucker
Um, he's an idiot...Vaginas are beautiful. Air gets caught in mine pretty much everytime my boyfriend and I get it on, and we just laugh.
#27 - On 06/26/2009 at 5:36pm by GrapefruitZoe
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shut up
#32 - On 06/26/2009 at 5:39pm by bitchfacee
OP: Sumbish, that had to be embarrassing.
Still, if you did not engage in human intercourse immediately prior to this event, it may suggest that your queefer is the size of a football inflated to 12psi, and is therefore prone to the sudden, uncontrolled, expulsion of gaseous containment.
You might consider an appointment with a Doctor who specializes in vaginoplasty. They can often surgically reduce the size of overstretched queefers, or install queefer mufflers.
Good Luck!
Um... Wow. Suggesting invasive surgery because air got trapped in her ladyparts doing the splits? That's a little much, don't you think?
#50 - On 06/26/2009 at 6:40pm by mendertorsel
What in the hell is a Queefer Muffler? I just got the sickest image in my head...
#99 - On 06/26/2009 at 9:24pm by mlia66
Some people really can't tell when someone is making a joke. Huh, I thought it was a basic skill...
#126 - On 06/27/2009 at 12:26am by alexm778123
See, the thing that defines a joke is that it's funny. Otherwise it's just a stupid thing someone says. In that case you generally take it at face value.
#156 - On 06/27/2009 at 1:08pm by mendertorsel
air smells like whatever's around it. duh. #93, invite yourself to smell a queef. depending on the particular vagina it emerges from, it could smell a number of ways...
I feel like the oddest person on the planet, but queefs are kind of hot.
#47 - On 06/26/2009 at 6:30pm by stringoffail
And for your edification, here's a lesson in how to do it!! : http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/47f72a7817/learn-to-queef-from-tubulargoldmine
Yes #45 queefs are real =P
They happen a lot actually, especially during exercising =P
it's really annoying and embarassing when it happens in front of others >.<
Agreed with #48, it's funny, embarrassing but it's natural and you can't really stop it x]
YDI for trying to impress him
And for picking someone that works physically with other people (yoga instructor) but isn't ok with how the human body works.
Uhm. Ewww. D:
but it sounds like you're flexible, maybe he'll like that xD
#63 - On 06/26/2009 at 7:09pm by SusanaSaysRawrxD
I wouldn't worry about it. Your instructor might be gay and wouldn't be interested in you anyway. Ya know, whatever makes you feel better.
#68 - On 06/26/2009 at 7:16pm by strawberry_78
enough of this sexist crap... im a woman and i can honestly say if that happened in front of me i would gag too... gross is gross no matter who ya are... hilarious story tho! :D
#77 - On 06/26/2009 at 7:42pm by _____me_____me__
my friend can make herself queef. hahahahhah.
that would be so embarassing.
he should get over it though.
its not like you could help it. ha.
For all you Americans reading this, 'queef' is pretty damn funny, isn't it? =p
#81 - On 06/26/2009 at 7:56pm by fmlsmymiddlename
that sent the same chill down my spine as the one when i met a clown dressed exactly like the one from the movie "It".
#89 - On 06/26/2009 at 8:38pm by shirvon100
YDI. He came over to GREET you, and you tried to show off/seduce by putting your leg over your head. I have no pity.
Agreed with 102.
xD and queefs aren't THAT bad. It happens with me and my bf sometimes and I just bust up laughing, as does he.
#106 - On 06/26/2009 at 10:28pm by FailBabee
oh god that is so embarrassing. When i first started dating my boyfriend, we were hanging out on a tennis court with some friends and I did a backbend in an attempt to impress him (fail, ik) and queefed sooo loudly. I wanted to scream I DID NOT FART- THAT WAS MY VAGINA
It happens, (the Q's and the gag reflexes - depending on how close the other person is, etc). Maybe the gag reflex would've been bypassed if it were in the act. Also, I agree with #91.
its not nasty. its embarrassing and it just happens. and they dont sound the same as farts. i mean its similar but its more like, airy sounding haha. its definitely one of the weirdest things a girls body can do though. it feels so awkward when it happens and you cant do anything about it haha.
#122 - On 06/27/2009 at 12:10am by itslarnbetch
Are you Australian? Because that was a great barrier queef. ;)
#125 - On 06/27/2009 at 12:20am by xxXChiiXxx
The one thing I don't get it why you lifted your leg over your head into a full split as he was walking to greet you... wouldn't you just talk to him, not make a weird pose?? ok sorry i just don't get it. I know you were in a yoga class, but still...
#131 - On 06/27/2009 at 12:52am by spirited_away33
Great tale of woe, but hold your head high - you did nothing wrong and besides, queefs are cute.
#132 - On 06/27/2009 at 1:03am by Tillman
how could he even tell it was a queef not a fart? and yeah that's nastyy!
#135 - On 06/27/2009 at 1:32am by laugh_it_off
that's what you get for showing off
and the numbering is different if you're on the computer vs the phone application. #35 was #2 on my screen
#138 - On 06/27/2009 at 1:58am by AshleyRose784
Wow. I'm sorry. That really is a FML. On the plus side, you've got nowhere to go but up! So consider that the dude might have a sense of humor, and he might like you, and he might move on past the queef in a month or two.
#143 - On 06/27/2009 at 4:39am by p00p0ster0us
Someone needs to look more into yoga philosophy and remember not to show off or compete.
#145 - On 06/27/2009 at 5:19am by dyingstart
excuse me, but I'm pretty sure queefs are one hundred times less audible than farts. how could he hear it unless he was face-to-vag?
#146 - On 06/27/2009 at 6:03am by glykoula09
Grrr, what is the average age of people posting here, for pete's sake? Embarassing? Yes. Gross? NO! it is just air trapped in a closed cavity, no smell, no nothing. Most women after intimacy queef a little when first getting up, and the *only* embarrassing thing about queefs is that it sounds like something else, which yes, is both rude and gross (coming from men as well, whether at a first date, or after 20 yrs of marriage)!. What makes me wonder, OP is that you chose a pretty original way of greeting him.
You've got to keep in mind that guys anymore are so girly that they freak out and lose their erection if they see a pubic hair, so a queef is definitely going to frighten them.
If you were cute i would think that was kinda sexy... lol as long as i know it was a queef and not a fart... but i would found that kinda hot
#157 - On 06/27/2009 at 1:13pm by ithedarkknight
Why is it that when a guy posts an FML about getting hard in an inappropriate place, everyone feels bad for him, but when a girl posts an FML about queefing, 11,000+ people say YDI? Guys on FML are seriously bitter.
#171 - On 06/28/2009 at 3:25am by latenights
Oh My God. LMAO !! That is disgustingly hilarious !
But how embarrassing, FYI
#173 - On 06/28/2009 at 3:43am by _Oh_My_God_
You should have just been like, "Got beef with my queef?"
#179 - On 06/28/2009 at 4:18pm by chasingstarlight
Did you think that would make him attracted to you? You dumbass, that's just a way to gross him out.
haha wtf? how do u queef randomly like that and why would u put ur leg over head? loser u obviously don't know how to get a man haha
#187 - On 06/28/2009 at 11:29pm by chunkymonkey69
YDI for showing off your flexibility as you were being greeted. Just stand up, smile, and shake his hand. Not difficult. But FYL because of your luck.
pmsl. Woulda been easier to just introduce yourself though, as people say. A Yoga teacher isn't gonna be impressed by flexibility, but perhaps a straightforward 'hello' might get you closer to him..
You should have done it again, even louder
Oh man, I wish someone had caught this on tape!! You're my hero!
Yeah, alright, but why were you lifting your leg in the air when he was coming to greet you? I can't stand it when people get pretentious about their yoga moves.
#199 - On 07/01/2009 at 9:54pm by bridgetoparadise
OP talks about her poon fart and the first comments are loaded with grammer Nazis.
I love the Internet.
#201 - On 07/02/2009 at 10:23pm by der_Jabberwhock
That. Is. Fucking. Gross. Don't get me wrong, that's the funniest FML I've ever read but seriously....... sick :/
#205 - On 07/12/2009 at 8:33pm by saxiigirlie
@202: YDI means "you deserved it" and OP means "original poster"
#208 - On 11/22/2009 at 4:47am by DynamicDave
