Neighbours, Scary and Miscellaneous: Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god,...

By ldrik1 - 11/06/2014 20:36 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 220

You deserved it 4 807

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Same thing different taste

Spooked

By Anonymous - 18/03/2021 08:01

Today, I found out that the loud "firecrackers" I heard the night before were actually shotgun blasts by my neighbor murdering his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 70

By bettercallpeta - 15/02/2013 05:42 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 072

You deserved it 11 149

By oopsies - 04/07/2011 09:11 - United States

Today, I found out that the 2 loud "firework booms" I heard were actually a guy shooting his dog on the unfinished road behind my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 557

You deserved it 3 050

By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 07:13 - United States - Eagle Point

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 114

You deserved it 3 540

By Shit - 27/04/2014 17:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 611

You deserved it 6 742

Defense!

By ruined_suit - 17/04/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins were still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid ran out and shot me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and ruined my new suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 105

You deserved it 7 123

SHUT UP

By Anonymous - 21/07/2019 16:15

Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 040

You deserved it 93

By Boo - 14/07/2011 08:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 720

You deserved it 9 070

The creepy guy next door

By Anonymous - 05/06/2013 22:09 - United Kingdom - Worcester Park

Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 096

You deserved it 4 479

Sorry, I…

By signupsheetfail - 12/08/2009 19:02 - Canada

Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 875

You deserved it 41 871

damnit1989 16

Thursday 12 June 2014 5:48

Well that blows

Paco_el_Taco 17

Thursday 12 June 2014 5:48

Well at least you know where to go when the zombie apocalypse begins.

Comments

damnit1989 16

Thursday 12 June 2014 5:48

Well that blows

damnit1989 16

Thursday 12 June 2014 6:02

Down vote this dammit. I wanna set a record for down votes!!!! *evil laughter commences* I think it's time for bed..... I'm getting a little loopy.

jimmy_poison 19

Thursday 12 June 2014 6:26

Do you mean "yarrr, tharrr she blows?"

Lebeaugars95 20

Thursday 12 June 2014 18:11

like a good neighbor, state farm is there... with a cannon

incoherentrmblr 21

Friday 13 June 2014 1:58

Is your neighbor the Sea Captain on the Simpsons?...

Paco_el_Taco 17

Thursday 12 June 2014 5:48

Well at least you know where to go when the zombie apocalypse begins.

airforce987 20

Thursday 12 June 2014 6:08

As far away from the loud, exploding noise drawing attention to itself from miles around and can't defend itself properly?

peceout 29

Thursday 12 June 2014 8:14

#22 You sir, You will survive.

RenoTheRhino 30

Thursday 12 June 2014 8:31

Yes. This truly is the best FML ever.

Paco_el_Taco 17

Thursday 12 June 2014 10:31

The guy has a freaking cannon! What makes you think he doesn't have an arsenal of other weapons at his disposal.

PresidentNorth 16

Thursday 12 June 2014 19:15

the fact a taco is trying to forewarn us, only increase my skepticism...

GoldenButtNugget 5

Thursday 12 June 2014 20:23

But it poops ice cream!!!

sk8rdud3 24

Friday 13 June 2014 5:39

Exactly!

GreatGeak 8

Friday 13 June 2014 22:41

taco you can come with me...as long as we split when things get hairy, you go one direction, I go the other. ;-)

katrinakae1 5

Thursday 12 June 2014 5:49

Sounds like a good neighbor, he's just watching out for you;)

CerSpence 11

Thursday 12 June 2014 5:59

Where did it mention that he built it for neighborhood protection? For all we know, he could be planning to raid and pillage the entire block!

KingreX32 21

Thursday 12 June 2014 6:46

or he could be waiting for The Purge.

schhichick 14

Thursday 12 June 2014 15:47

Or it could be Johnny Depp

leopardwilliam 22

Thursday 12 June 2014 5:49

That's pretty badass, to be honest.

NeatNit 32

Thursday 12 June 2014 6:30

yes, that neighbor is not psycho - he's awesome!

patrickalamo 47

Thursday 12 June 2014 11:02

I would so be helping him reload and having the time of my life...

Alchemist_21 26

Thursday 12 June 2014 5:49

Time to raid his TH for his elixir and trophies!

LegalLoitering 12

Thursday 12 June 2014 9:28

Might wanna use air troops for that

qwertsarecool122 23

Thursday 12 June 2014 13:42

Love the Clash of Clans reference

enddmd 27

Thursday 12 June 2014 22:28

Wall breakers might help too.

norpedo 16

Thursday 12 June 2014 5:50

Don't make him angry. He'll blow your house up

cerealman_fml 16

Thursday 12 June 2014 5:51

Ask him to make you one as well. You can have canon wars together.

False_Stupidity 41

Wednesday 18 June 2014 1:13

That does not sound like it would end well.

flurpiee 14

Thursday 12 June 2014 5:51

Time to bake lots of goodies and offer to mow their lawn... Ya know, "just because"

tony2win 5

Thursday 12 June 2014 5:52

Nominate him for the head of the neighborhood watch

sunnyray812 42

Thursday 12 June 2014 5:54

Talk him into protecting the neighborhood with that. No one would want to cause trouble then.

Keywords

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I agree, your life sucks 44 451

You deserved it 3 567

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I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 99

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 1 694

You deserved it 233

Today, my mother cooked breakfast for everyone at my house. Then I later found one of my sex toys in the sink. I “casually” asked her what she used it for, and turns out she used it to make everyone’s scrambled eggs. She thought it was an electric egg whisk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 483

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I agree, your life sucks 21 889

You deserved it 9 231

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I agree, your life sucks 31 435

You deserved it 3 079

Today, I learned that not only am I pregnant, I'm too far along for an abortion. My husband and I originally bonded over the fact that we both hate children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 694

You deserved it 29 477

Today, I made a joke about my electric lawnmower sounding like a bunch of angry bees. It was verified when I ran over a beehive in my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 266

You deserved it 541

Same thing different taste

Spooked

Defense!

SHUT UP

The creepy guy next door

Sorry, I…

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