Today, my husband cracked a "Rectum? Damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML
Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML
Today, I was at a family gathering and during a lull in the conversation I started to tell a joke to lighten the mood. Halfway through, I realized the joke was incredibly inappropriate. The room fell silent, and my grandma hasn’t looked at me the same since. FML
Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML
Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML
Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said, "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML
Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML
Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML
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Top comments
HowieDoIt 21
Never heard that one before, i'll have to add that to my...arsenal of jokes.
onealmxwilson 18
#20, that would be his grammar
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Comments (56)
olpally 32
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
He deserved to be kicked out for being an ass. Guilty by association unfortunately for you op. I hope you cursed him out.
thief1434 23
She even said that he didn't realize how distasteful his comment was, and that he was genuinely remorseful but saying "oh shit" was a bad choice of words.
xblaine 17
Please, shut the **** up.
omgitsmoe 26
No you shut the **** up
HowieDoIt 21
Never heard that one before, i'll have to add that to my...arsenal of jokes.
froggyjade 16
I salute you :-)
ChristianH39 30
Dat pun though
cakefete2 30
Adding that joke would give you enough material to stretch from uranus and back.
saraitkddh 47
sorry OP for your loss and try to make him explain that you have nothing to do about it to your parents
thief1434 23
Gee, you really got PUNished for that. That aside, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Hopefully you can explain what happened before you're excommunicated from the family!
thief1434 23
That actually wasn't that funny... ;~;
mea_iloveskiing 26
Reminded me of johnny english at a funeral.
Ashamed_Sister 60
Who thinks about jokes at a funeral?
junkman6 22
We all end up dead and the griefs going to be there for a while, there's no need to force gloom and doom. A funeral should be to celebrate someone's life not obsess over the fact they died. Obviously it's different when you are coping with the death of a younger person but if someone lived to a ripe old age and saw their granddaughter get married I would think that's a pretty full life and should be celebrated. Just my personal feelings about it. I know that's not how a lot of people think.
Kamon97 23
That's why I want my funeral to be a huge comedy club :p
Catkam623 27
I want mine to be at a strip club. Bring flowers get a free lap dance.
Waspinator1998 21
I'm with #28. I want my funeral to be one huge joke.
StompinOnCrayons 15
Try to explain to your family OP, or at least beg to pay your respects. Make your husband wait outside if necessary.
OperationAxis 10
That was pretty insensitive of him.. :/
applebramble 22
He didn't mean it. Read the FML dude!
shivamtrivedi 24
Well, everyone suffers brainfarts like that. Don't worry, hopefully everything will turn out all right. I honestly think that your family already hated you and your husband.
homesuckfucker 28
this doesn't sound real, but if it is, your husband should be met with a few day's dry spell, and an explanation offered to your family. who, in my opinion, need to have more trust and care in you. fyl, op.