Today, my loneliness reached a new level when I befriended the fly in my apartment, Mr. Stickyfoot. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was so lonely that I had a 3 hour conversation with a one-legged cricket I found in my room. I'm keeping him. He has a name. FML
Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML
Today, I walked past my fly strip while a fly who had been caught, but hadn't yet died, was on it. While I was there, I could hear his frantic buzzing and see his little arms flailing like mad as he tried in vain to escape. Great. Now I feel like shit for putting these things up. What kind of a monster am I? FML
Today, a small fly was harassing my face, then it landed on a book next to me. I waved at it to make it leave, but it didn't. I got my fingers closer to it, to scare it off. Instead, it jumped on my finger as a playful parrot pet, spent a moment there, and flew off. I cannot even intimidate a fly. FML
Today, I was stuck in a room with a man who was catching flies. That I could cope with, until he insisted on turning the lights out because it was 'stressing out' his flies. FML
Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table. I reached up and caught it. It was a wasp, and it stung me. FML
Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. Twenty minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML
Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML
Today, I realized how bored I am with life in general, as well as how bad my ADHD has gotten, when I saw a fly eating a crumb I dropped on the floor and watched it for two minutes straight. FML
Today, I was drinking coffee at work, while being surrounded by a lot of flies in the area I was working. Later, in the evening, I found a fly under my bottom denture plate. It'd been there for about 12 hours. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mothertruck 6
You are a friend to me too, JustAnotherFML23 - Mr. Stickyfoot
wowlolreally 12
Flies need love too
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (55)
mothertruck 6
You are a friend to me too, JustAnotherFML23 - Mr. Stickyfoot
CCutright98 3
Poor OP, flies only live three days. Gotta make human friends!
Genuine_G 8
More like Mr. DiseaseLaden
Pwn17 25
It's a fly, since when do they give diseases?
Fluffydemise 18
Do you know how flys eat there food? If its not already a liquid, they vomit an enzyme onto the food that dissolves it enough to be sucked up through the proboscis. They do this to shit as well as that microwave dinner on your plate. And yes, you can get sick due to common house flies in your food. Ew.
Pwn17 25
Oh. I had no idea. Ignore my first comment then.
lysx84 24
Yeah, they go eat some poo and get it on their legs then land on your food and vomit on it. Yum.
Enslaved 36
I leant how flies eat after watching the movie "The Fly". Yeah, it's pretty gross thinking about it how they do it. :P
wowlolreally 12
Flies need love too
e_dumbass 8
how come?
AnOriginalName 19
#29, because that's how they make more flies. Just caught two going at it in my kitchen, as a matter of fact.
Mossears133 15
No, puppies need love. Flies need an unwavering wall of death.
ifavela89 13
they need love with a fly swatter
starile 19
Better than my pillow friend, Patrick. He just sits there. *sigh*
seanos 3
Just sits there, materbating...
Fluffydemise 18
Motorboating? Mutilating? I feel I'm missing the word you were aiming for...
Doritozilla 20
What if the fly was a female so you offended it by calling her a mister? I'm Sorry OP :(
beautiful_hope 16
That's not so bad. I realized last week that, since I don't work & recently moved where I don't know anyone, I sometimes go all day without speaking unless I'm talking to my cats or dog, until my husband comes home. :)
EpicSquishii 21
You have a husband and pets. OP has a fly. Out of the two of you, OP is lonelier.
fluffywaspluka 7
Good fly.
ibmike22 13
He's pretty fly....for a...fly....shit.
AngelSpit 18
and all the larvae say I'm pretty fly for insecti
lolen2910 3
i think #9 needs to go befriend a fly after that serving!
freckleface221 19
You could always get yourself a nice pet rock.
blackonblight 32
Tamagotchi are still around apparently, those even make noise for you. (I know, I was surprised too, I haven't seen one since elementary school)
Tdrizzzzzly 19
You gotta go out and try to meet some people!? I know it's hard to garner the confidence when your loneliness is hard to deal with, but your (soon-to-be) friends aren't gonna make themselves!