Today, I enlisted in the military. My dad now finds it necessary to act like a drill sergeant. This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me for basic training. Training begins in four months. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Not under my watch!
Today, I told my dad I want to enlist in the army and he tried to lock me in my room. He did almost the same thing when I told him I wanted to do certain college courses to make it easier to become a police officer, only there was a lot more swearing and throwing of objects. FML
Help!
Today, my dad is a drill sergeant, which is bad enough, but my boyfriend wants to meet him and my mom. This cannot go well, all the jokes and comedy movies say this cannot go well at all. FML
Today, my father picked me up from the police academy I'm attending, and got caught speeding. The officer was my drill instructor, and I had to do push-ups on the side of the highway. FML
Incomplete freedom
Today, my dad drunkenly ranted about how I should volunteer for the military because of the crisis in the Middle East. I refused; I'm in college on two scholarships and have listened to stories of why his service still gives him nightmares. I had to hide all the phones to keep him from calling the recruiters. FML
Thank you for your service
Today, my daughter asked me to join the Army so that she wouldn't have to see me anymore. She's four. FML
Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML
Today, the day before I was going to move in with my army fiancé, he was told he would be deployed very soon. I can't pay for the apartment without him, and now have to move back in with my parents until he returns from active duty. FML
Today, I talked to my dad about joining the military. He got up, laughed, and said, "As if the army would accept a pussy like you." FML
Today, I went to a veterans' reunion party with my grandpa. While there, a guy started yelling at me for having an unapproved haircut. It was my grandpa's old drill sergeant, and he thought I was in the army too. Everyone just smirked as he forced me to drop and do push-ups. FML
Today, my parents asked if I wanted to go to military school so I said, "Yeah, that would be awesome," thinking it was a joke. They weren't joking. FML
Top comments
flashback.miss 28
He's just trying to get you used to it now. But, thank you for enlisting.
UsernameAnxiety 14
As a former Marine I feel compelled to say, hahaha.
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Comments (150)
flashback.miss 28
He's just trying to get you used to it now. But, thank you for enlisting.
SuperPizzaMan_fml 11
EAT YOUR F***IN EGGS MAGGOT
SexySlayer1248 18
Nothing will get you used to it, take this time to enjoy simple freedoms like choosing your own clothes, and sitting down and resting whenever you want. Also choosing what and when you eat and listening to music, get it all out now because you take the little things for granted, trust me!
gracehi 33
Yeah, I remember when I graduated boot camp and went to "A" school for my rate training. I went to the store and bought candy, then to the library to borrow a Harry Potter book. I don't think I've ever enjoyed eating candy or reading so much. It's amazing how much you appreciate simple pleasures, like reading a book because you WANT to not because someone TOLD you to when you've been to boot camp.
SwaggCapone 11
How exactly is this a YDI?
blackman100 20
I don't know, 57. That is great practice though. When OP gets to basic training, it will be nothing but a cake-walk.
WelcomeToAndale 13
Why 'thanks' for enlisting? They're not protecting you from anything...
tjv3 10
Thank you OP!
mambalicus 4
You'll love it. Basic was one of the funnest times. Once it's over you'll appreciate everything more
guy24 9
I would join the military, but stealing oil isn't my thing to die for.
Grauncho 27
Who said you could post this FML, maggot? Drop and give me fifty right now!
worldclassrager 41
It's good preparation...you'll be set in no time (:
PterodactylMan 23
Practice makes perfect
Swiifty_fml 9
I'm sure your dad's just joking about with you. But good luck when the training begins!
MuufinTop 7
Don't forget to say "sir yes sir"
aersie 13
No. Don't call them 'sir'. Unless you want to hear "DO I LOOK LIKE AN OFFICER TO YOU?" just say Sergeant or drill sergeant. Lol Well, unless you like getting smoked.
K410 18
Sooo you're aloud to bring your cat too? :p
Ctrl_H 18
You really cut your eyes off the picture to fit your breasts?
Catkam623 27
Her eyes are in there if you tap the profile pic.
gracehi 33
Or possibly "petty officer" or "chief" if OP joined the Navy.
allie2590 31
They typically don't like sir sandwiches.
RickSaissore 6
depends on branch the marines say sir the army say Sgt and I don't know bout the other 2 but good luck OP you'll do well
SJsGirl 8
Navy says petty officer or chief depending on their rank. We call officers sir or ma'am. Never call a chief sir or ma'am.
Fuji76 15
Just a tip OP, don't call them "Sarg" either. This is the quickest way to piss off a Sergeant. "Sarg" is a scum sucking fish that lives on the ocean floor- it's in the dictionary between shit and syphilis. Just sayin', now you know...and knowing is half the battle!
Spider_Web 11
"Sa" comes before both "sh" and "sy" in the dictionary
Fuji76 15
Yes, #117, I'm well aware of how the alphabet works. My statement was an homage to a line that I thought was rather well known to most people. Maybe the last line of my comment is more your speed, but you probably missed that reference too.
Calingaladha 21
Depends on the branch. The Air Force uses sir. But in the Air Forces case...never EVER use a sir sandwich.
Fuji76 15
I was active duty Air Force before I went Army Guard....don't ask. I know, what the hell was I thinking! LOL! Anyway, we never used Sir unless it was an officer, but I'm from a different generation so maybe things have changed.
Calingaladha 21
We used Sir or their rank. It might have changed.
seriouslypony 9
Wake up at 5am and start loudly marching around the house.
ryanthecheeseguy 18
I don't think Op's that much of an asshole. She enlisted for ****'s sake!
gracehi 33
Actually, a lot of assholes enlist. In my experience, about 50% of the people who enlist are assholes. Then they get promoted and become even bigger assholes. But I can only speak for the Navy. It's like people join the Navy straight out of high school, and then the Navy becomes their mom so that they never mature beyond that, and then those who were bullies in high school get handed opportunities to be even bigger bullies when they get promoted and given authority over others.
NoMore_CoolNames 14
From what I've experienced in my familyn the officers are usually better people than those who enlist.
gracehi 33
I don't know about that. Officers are nicer to me than senior enlisted and other junior enlisted, but that's probably just because as a junior enlisted I'm not their problem. I don't doubt I'd find a lot more assholes among officers if I worked with or for them directly.
Calingaladha 21
5 am? That's luxury in basic training. :) 0430 every morning for me.
UsernameAnxiety 14
As a former Marine I feel compelled to say, hahaha.
RickSaissore 6
there are no former brother just a different uniform
perdix 31
#7, I thought you guys would say, "Hoo-hah, hoo-hah, hoo-hah!"
JesusFreak227 15
93, That's the Army dumb shit
Raykyogrou03 12
"I don't know what I've been told,..."
jococo7787 3
Yeah...no.
Raykyogrou03 12
Yeah, go **** yourself. You don't get it.
Fuji76 15
That is a true statement for you, #8. You're that guy, the one that thinks the song is,"Revved up like a douche, another mother in the night"....yeah, that guy.
Raykyogrou03 12
Actually, I have no idea what comes after that, hence the "..."
Fuji76 15
It's "I don't know, but I've been told" the next line is too controversial for today's PC crowd.
Spider_Web 11
Eskimo cats are mighty cold?
starile 20
#114, what about those of us who are on Macs?
Fuji76 15
That comment made my day, #123! Thanks for the laugh :)
DocBastard 40
Don't act so naivy. He's only pulling your army like that because he loves you. He's just trying to clear the air, force you to face reality. He is obviously proud of you and thinks this career choice is better than something like marine biology. Good luck, soldier.
perdix 31
They always forget the Coast Guard!
trbuson 11
Say what? When did my branch stop being a military service?
DonQuixote158 6
Science will help humanity much more than learning how to shoot and do pushups right. Anyone can become a marine, and not everyone a scientist.
gracehi 33
Coast Guard? You mean the Navy's little brother? HAW HAW HAW! Anyway, I thought it was the other way around. I thought the Coast Guard used to be another department, then after 9/11 it became part of the Department of Defense.
buddy51 23
Good luck OP! I'm grateful for your service!!!
permannator 10
It's funny how ignorant about the military you really are. It's just sad to read that comment 50
happle 21
50, I hope you realize the army prevents the country from being attacked and/or taken over. And no, not everyone can be a marine. I certainly can't because of health problems.
DonQuixote158 6
I hope you realize the last war on American territoy was the Civik War, and that was vs. eachother. Don't be ignorant, nobody is going to attack the United States with our 2600+ nukes. It is funny to see you hicks with no intellect bashing me because you have no prospects, lol.
DonQuixote158 6
72, if you are so knowledgeable about the army, enlighten me, you can keep insulting me, but that is hurting your argument(not that you had one in the first place).
actyankee 5
101- You are an idiot. Parts of WWII were fought on American territory. And are we going to nuke our own cities if they are occupied? No. Nukes are usless if you are fighting on your own soil or if the launch sites are captured.
Kevin1157 10
101.... First of all, at least TRY to do a little research before you claim how many nukes the United States have. Secondly, don't believe any number you hear (you really think we're gonna just throw that info out there? And last but NOT least you said "don't be ignorant, nobody is going to attack the United States..." DO YOU REMEMBER 9/11??? And you have the audacity to call other people ignorant. Guess what, unconventional warfare is booming, and it's unpredictable. Sincerely, The No Intellect Hick That Enlisted To Make Sure You Keep The Right To Make Stupid Comments
DocBastard 40
DonQuixote158 - 1) You obviously failed to see the puns in my comment, 2) you failed to remember Pearl Harbor, which happened well after the 1860's, 3) congratulations on insulting soldiers everywhere, and 4) get the **** off my thread and take your stupid argument elsewhere.
SnowboardingLife 6
Since when were they military?
zahra_786 19
haha, your dad just wants to make sure your prepared to some extent. Maybe after real training you'll appreciate your dads methods and realise he wasn't so bad.