Today, my cousin thought it would be funny to make copies of my house keys and give it to random people on the street. I live alone and work a 12 hour shift daily. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I started a new job. I lost my work keys and had everyone running all over the building looking for them. We found them, hanging in the last lock I had used. They now all think I'm a nut. FML
Today, my coworker thought it would be funny to throw my keys up onto the top shelf in storage. I'm 4'10. FML
Today, late for work, I called my dad to see if he knew where my keys were. Turns out he'd taken them on holiday with him because they have a bottle opener on them. FML
Today, I came home after a long day at work to find the furniture in my living room had been rearranged by my mother-in-law. When asked how she got in, she told us she stole my husband's key and made herself a copy. She can now come here whenever she wants, unless I change the locks. FML
Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML
Today, my sister couldn't find the spare key I gave her for my apartment, so I had to pay a $50 fee to the leasing office. Not 30 minutes after paying, she found the key. In her purse. On her keychain. FML
Today, I arrived to work at exactly 8 so I could leave at exactly 5, without overtime. I found out later that my brother took my keys with him somewhere and now I can't enter the house until he gets back at 11. FML
Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML
Today, after locking myself out of my house, I let myself into my car to wait on someone with a spare key. It took me 15 minutes to realise the house and car key share the same ring. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML
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Top comments
Lehk 9
get a lock smith in there ASAP and never allow your cousin near your place again
Ambient25 24
Time to feed a wire from your doorknob to the electrical panel
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Comments (72)
Lehk 9
get a lock smith in there ASAP and never allow your cousin near your place again
Roskosity 22
That's definitely not funny. Who is your cousin? Homer Simpson?
SuperDanielNL 23
Peter Griffin?
Overatedlife_fml 5
Rodger Smith?
skyeyez9 24
Beat your cousin's ass! Also think of a good way to get revenge.
fishstick557 14
Someone remind me how that's funny?!?!
Ambient25 24
Time to feed a wire from your doorknob to the electrical panel
masterofflight 8
just imagine the op getting drunk and forgetting the wire...wouldn't really help him...
Ambient25 24
it'll add sparks to his night
cactusgecko 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What does working 12 h a day have to do with it?
LittlestPrincess 21
that OP isn't home for at least 12h per day and random people can enter without the OP being there to stop them/ call the police etc
Shilokitten666 19
Because a house thats vacant for 12 hours is more then likely going to broken and entered especially with random strangers having keys
VampireBiter 7
The whole not being there part, anyone of those people can steal as much as they want part.
MidnaLink 33
#9 some people are built to think, just not #4.
mduerden 18
Simple logic, use your brain
Ambiguous404 6
I can't believe there was not a single sarcastic reply to this!
sameboysamesame 11
r u slow? it means that there's a 12 hour period of no one being home. easy for someone to steal everything... did u not drink ur oj this morning??
happylappy 21
@70 you seem like the slow one here. Someone has already explained three times. Maybe sunny D would work better for you.
BjgUsername 12
Well he didn't tell them where you live right? But you should still get your locks changed
Wizardo 33
OP I know a guy who knows a guys cousin who knows a brother of a friends uncle that does 'clean up' jobs... cheap rates, holla at me OP, your cousin will bother you no more.
Ambient25 24
That's nothing. I know a guy who knew a guy that knew another guy who knew some girl that became a guy who dated the first guy's sister and later became another guy's brother who lit snowmen on fire. I hate dichotomy.
interesting33 36
Well according to the theory of six degrees of separation... I know a someone who knows a someone who occasionally meets with another someone who knows someone else who is acquainted with a further being who is in cahoots with you OP... or go down another route and reach Chuck Norris..
tmbfan 11
One time, I knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy.. Who knew this guy's cousin, who knew this guy's sister, who was attacked by a sea-bear.
JFloUnknown 24
So what does that make me?
wobbly1 16
Clueless?
HarrisonVR 17
that's not funny, he sounds irresponsible and inconsiderate. replace the locks and don't trust him with anything again! good luck
xXNerrrdXx 16
Time to change your lock and safe keeper!
SuperDanielNL 23
Lock your cousin in his house and burn it down. On a more serious note, why in Jesus' name would someone pull a stupid stunt like that at all? Does he have some kind of mental issue?
sabrinaacrow 26
Hopefully they won't know where your house is
VampireBiter 7
That's one kind of cousin I would not consider a part of my family. Sorry op, hope you get this sorted out.