Today, my roommate told me that she wants to get some of those "My Family" stickers for her car. She's single and has no children. What does she want to get? One for her, and one for her goldfish. Sadly, this is probably one of the most intelligent things she's said all week. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard for the nth time (I lost count after 100) how my roommate and her boyfriend plan to have kids (yes, plural) because we’re "BFF family", and "family babysits for free." She’s actively trying to get pregnant, but wants to continue smoking and drinking like a fish. FML
Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML
Today, my 5-year-old daughter had to find pictures of animals that she felt represented each member of her family. This was the one she chose for me. I think she might be trying to imply something. FML
Today, my daughter asked me if we could make sticker art. Of course I said it was OK so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend what her favorite quality about me was. Her answer, "Your car." FML
Today, I found out that the last of my super feminist "I'm never getting tied to a man" college friends got engaged. Apparently, I should have tried that tactic, as my current partner in life is my goldfish. FML
Today, me, a coworker, and my manager were looking at random advertisements. One ad was a picture of three fish. My coworker named them what I thought were completely random names. I said, "Those are stupid names." Turns out those are my manager's kids' names. FML
Today, I met my new roommate. I also met her stuffed animals, who introduced themselves to me. My roommate makes inanimate objects talk. FML
Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that says "Cowboy butts drive me nuts." I've driven that car to work every day. FML
Today, I overheard my mother telling a friend she got me oven mitts for Christmas. I got her two cruise tickets. I hate to cook. Which she knows. FML
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Top comments
Lucia_Malpense 14
I wonder what sort of stupid things she said, if that's the most intelligent.
zingline89 18
Its probly basst you leave this one alone. I suppose you cod confront her, but I say you should let her off the hook. No need to make her feel gilty for being stupid. Walleye youre at it, aplogize for making fin of her earlier today.
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Comments (34)
fairydust91 2
Good luck Op
warturtle 14
My family stickers = worst and most annoying things ever made.
kickass1stbase 7
She sounds like a few bricks short of a load, or a few fish short of an aquarium
Lucia_Malpense 14
I wonder what sort of stupid things she said, if that's the most intelligent.
verkaderk 9
Can't fix stupid
picante72 24
Well fish are friends, not food. In her case, family.
zingline89 18
Its probly basst you leave this one alone. I suppose you cod confront her, but I say you should let her off the hook. No need to make her feel gilty for being stupid. Walleye youre at it, aplogize for making fin of her earlier today.
Shmatterhorn 38
You left this comment just for the halibut, right?
BunchieRules 31
Whale, the roommate's obviously full of carp. OP, tell her to stop clowning around, and if that doesn't work, sea if you can find a beta roommate.
enormouselephant 15
Don't be a beach about it though. Sand her a nice message telling her that's what sea hores do. Sea weed just like to help you.
Insanemf18 12
Yours was bad
tiptoppc 21
Omg, I think I suffered a stronk after reading that…
Shmatterhorn 38
They make a goldfish sticker? Give her one of those Darwin symbols and tell her that it looks like her pet.
fml121785 14
It's a Jesus fish. The Darwin ones are making fun of the originals.
chanellgymnast 17
Nothing's "intelligent" here if she thinks those "family stickers" include a goldfish.
caysters 12
Some do actually. I've seen them with dogs, cats, birds, and fish.
gc327072 31
And I saw one with a guy and a girl and a huge stack of money where the kids normally would've been.
AKGirlinSD 20
My friend has her 4 bunnies on her Jeep. Not to mention they are all pink, with glitter, even though 2 are girls, 2 are boys.
lambda_fml 40
Shes just upset because her boyfriend doesnt like her piano skills.
ThatsMyPie 20
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Sandsh8rk 36
*guy drives by her car and sees the stickers* No WAY! She has a GOLDFISH?!?
zandalee 20
Seriously OP, so what? Why the hell does this trivial little thing bother you? Bored?