Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML
Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML
Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML
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Top comments
Srs_business 7
He's a damn good ninja then.
Demonfish 14
Of course the police can't find him; he's a ninja!
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Comments (147)
Srs_business 7
He's a damn good ninja then.
AKGirlinSD 20
Exactly! A ninja will be found only if he wants to be, at least a good one. If my boyfriend woke up and saw that, he'd laugh his ass off because he loves ninjas. The question I have, what was the Original Poster being pointed at with? A gun? A sword? A stick? A pointer finger? I wish OP would have wrote which weapon was the ninja's choice.
Srs_business 7
Probably his dick.
AKGirlinSD 20
If the OP is a girl, that would be a good morning surprise if she knew the ninja. Honestly, it sounds like a prank. And now the OP has an awesome ninja story to tell for the rest of his/her life.
shayshayshazam 14
AKGirlin, your comments are too long.
Pleonasm 35
Can you read, 51, or does your brain hurt after 5 words?
AKGirlinSD 20
51 was two letters short of spelling out my entire user name. Therefore, 65, I believe you are correct about 51.
allard 14
What If you wake up, put your clothes on, and not look out the window? Just sayin..
VorpikeII 17
Or, wake up super early, and go out ninja the ninja! Sneak on to the roof before he gets up there.
Canuck13 12
I think you should freak him out, open the window the next morning in a clown outfit. The next day open it up drenched in blood and a look of total surprise that someone saw you committing heinous acts of violence. Keep doing this till he no longer feels comfortable coming back lol
yoyoforpeace 14
OP, what drugs are you on and can I have some?
desireev 17
"Did you see that?!" "What?!" "Exactly."
abbiepearson_ 9
LOL, ninjas...he must have been secretly trained really well.
decidedlyvague 11
"Probably his dick." Has 69 likes. Sounds like a win to me.
Demonfish 14
Of course the police can't find him; he's a ninja!
brackaman 18
How exactly does one go about explaining this to the police anyway? This doesn't seem easy to explain to a cop and be taken seriously.
woainishamu 21
Was he a lego ninja?
AKGirlinSD 20
Operator, "9-1-1, please state your emergency." OP, "Yeah, um, there's a ninja on a roof next to me and is pointing something at me. Send help immediately; I'm scared for my life!" Operator, "Okay, we will send a police officer when one is available. I can't guarantee a time because this doesn't sound like an emergency." OP, "**** you! I said I'm scared for my life."...I'm guessing that's how the conversation took place, which sounds epic! haha
0RedPenguin0 8
It's hard to find a ninja when they get out of the costume when they're done. Depending on how hard it is to get onto the neighbor's roof, the neighbor may be the only option. In which case it's someone OP knows, and probably shouldn't be worried about. Though, if OP is bothered enough, no ninja can run and hide with a sniper bullet lodged in their forehead.
Tsunami87 17
Does anyone else think of the closet monkey from family guy?
folgy 10
I think it is the neighbor and if its been happening for a hole month he goes along with the police I'd assume they're investigating it by the way you have spoken. Perfect cover
Jerakl 21
Ninja might be too speedy to hit with a rifle!
IAmNotAHuman515 6
It's creepy, yet slightly awesome at the same time. From an outside perspective of course
kristabelli 19
I have some serious concerns about OP's mental health.
green2go 14
Try shooting him with a air soft rifle
cwells0430 12
Dress like a ninja and point back.
FMLKitten 15
Care to explain, Noor?
Trisha_aus 15
Noor has a brother?
Trisha_aus 15
And that professor kitten picture goes well with the comment
bondgirl69 5
Noor is annoying
xXxSCREAMxXx 3
82- if u dont like noor (or dont show ****) GTFO.
domking1315 20
Who shows **** on fml?
RussianFox 13
84- I suggest you do the same with that brown shit stain on your nose.
SqueakyChipmunk 21
86) ( . Y . )
reynechristine 15
******* creepy
newbiehere99 6
That's why it made it to FML ...
TwitchingNebula 17
You mean ******* awesome!
DudeEvil 22
Awesome...until you die a horrible death!!
IfTheKeyFits 3
Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is the time where you leave home and never, ever, return.
Charmillionaire 13
He's a ninja. Resistance is futile.
aksweetheart 7
Leaving would be pointless. He would just follow her everywhere she went. And she wouldn't know, since he's a ninja. Except, of course, when he WANTS her to know he's there!
kgurlswag 9
You have you're own ninja?! That is NOT an FML!
zingline89 18
I know pot is now legal where you live but you still need to make sure it's not laced with halucinogens
onlychildFTW 33
Sounds like a good idea. I know BC crime will be taking a hit from this legalization in Washington.
gabrayal 10
They're never gonna find em. He's a ninja.
catharsis5 9
That is so awesome