Today, I came home from a long day at work to find a path of rose pedals from the front door. Gasping with surprise, I followed it past the living room... past the bedroom... into the kitchen, where there was a note that said "Friends coming over tonight, we need food, love you!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I awoke to rose petals leading me to the front garden. Curious, I followed them, thinking my boyfriend planned something romantic. As I walked out the door, I was hit in the face with a paper plate full of whipped cream and sprinkles, and then locked outside. FML
Today, I was in a terrific mood after finding a bouquet of beautiful flowers on my doorstep when I came home. That is, until I recognised the handwriting of my "secret admirer" was the same as my mother's. FML
Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML
Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML
Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend that I loved her and that I never wanted us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to go to the bathroom. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by cleaning the entire apartment before he came home. I even lit a candle and put fresh flowers on the table. When he walked in, he stared at everything and said, “Did someone come over?” My boyfriend thought a cleaning service had been hired. FML
Today, I bought my wife chocolates and a rose. When she got home, I told her I had a surprise but then I couldn’t find the chocolates or the rose anywhere in this frigging house, they were just gone. I had to pretend the surprise was going out for dinner but still, where the fuck did the rose go? FML
Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend by cooking her dinner. I spent hours preparing and making sure everything was perfect. I lit candles, set the table, and even put on some soft music. When she came home, she'd already eaten and wasn't hungry. FML
Today, I wrote my boyfriend a poem, and left it on the bed with a rose for him to see after work. When I came home later, I noticed the flower in the trash, and the poem had been used as gum wrapper. FML
Today, just so my family would think someone might actually be interested in me, I bought myself roses and attached a secret admirer card to them. My plan would have worked if I hadn't forgotten to take the receipt off the kitchen counter. FML
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Top comments
skyeyez9 25
my husband tried to pull that shit on me once: Oh I invited some friends over so we need to get some more food. When he said "we" he really meant: I invited my friends over so I expect you to cook for them and clean up afterwards. What ever. He can cook for his own friends. I don't expect him to do that if I have my friends over our house.
perdix 31
Don't get any food -- just lay naked on your bed with your legs spread wide, and when everyone comes over, yell "Tuna tacos for everyone!" On second thought, you can buy a massive amount of Vienna Sausages and tell everyone that they are actual size replicas of your husband's dick. That'll show him!
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Comments (129)
BaGu_fml 0
hahaha, FYL. :D
CyclonePsycho 1
Hey, her significant other could have used pink bicycle pieces to get across the message because he couldn't afford roses. Don't judge.
FMLenV 0
If you're going to get picky about "pedals" you might as well get picky that it is supposed to be "pass" not "past". =/
digimon2000 0
well, you're wrong. it is actually 'past'
FMLenV 0
I'm right and wrong. Both work, I've just always been taught that pass was a reference to walk by something were as past was referred to time. Pass: to move past; go by: to pass another car on the road.
idkweird 0
Actually, it's still wrong as the statement is in the past tense. Pass does not fit at all.
idkweird 0
That was @ #67
A_LiST3RR 0
aww.. that's funny yet depressingg hahaa. xD i agree with #71, though, that would be a good ideaa
CyclonePsycho 1
Hey, not being picky or anal. Just teasing the OP. (And where'd that other comment go?)
idkweird 0
pendatic: apparently, I was!
lelanatty 0
pendatic, did you spell 'pedantic' wrong?
sara_3536 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
first :)
turdburgers 0
'tard
Druu 53
second*
lickmyjock 0
Well played, and sammichs well made. I hope.
DNC2008 1
whats the fml? i don't get it? it says woman so its her job
idrow 7
Nice comment. More proof that you can educate ignorance, but you can't fix stupid.
logic718 0
LMAO hahaha that sucks
Mzzangel 0
at least he let you know in a sweet manner. I wouldn't have been mad at all
joeyl1990 28
You consider that sweet?
turdburgers 0
WTF is a rose pedal?
MacOSXpert 7
/Facepalm. Grammar Nazis on this site...
pegasus77 0
In this case, Spelling Nazis...
BeeSkwaird 0
I know a lot of people make jokes about the Nazis, so we can all do our best to overlook it. But there are survivors still alive today. It's too soon.
iwadasn 33
Are you a Nazi about the use of the word Nazi? ;)
Wierdo24 0
hahahaha well get off FML and get to work!
nonameLiz 0
OH! ****** EPIC! how is this a FML???
BlueTwist89 0
Yea. I'm with #7. What's a rose pedal? Ohhh, you meant rose petal.
Maxine17 8
I can only imagine how people in Florida talk after the OP spelling petals as "pedals"
pegasus77 0
Its pretty bad, let me tell you from experience. The spelling here is horrible.
BeeSkwaird 0
Given how you spelled a simple word like "it's," I'm not surprised!
nrose1000 0
SPELLING NAZI!!!! Seriously every1 cares about spelling and grammar here WTF do u think this is???? School mixed with burger king? srory bUt U c@nt a7Wayz ahve ti ur wAy weN ti cOmS 2 sp3771nG!!!
DanielleTheOne 3
LOL i know right!?! anyone get that weird email thing where all the spelling is totally stuffed and u could read it easy as pie?? I didnt even notice the mistakes because IM NOT LOOKING FOR THEM!!! as long as your not spelling like "Heyy Grls!! Lv yz tlk 2 yz l8rz" all the time then i dont care if u make mistakes!!!