Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent an hour meticulously crafting the perfect text to ask my crush out. Just as I hit send, I realized I'd accidentally sent a screenshot of the conversation to my crush instead. Now they know my level of commitment: zero. FML
Today, I sent a romantic, flirty text to my boyfriend. A few minutes later, I got a reply from… my mom, saying, “I don’t think this was meant for me, but thanks for making my day awkward.” FML
Today, while taking a rather large crap, I sent my sister a joking text saying, "I'm shitting my ass inside out." Turns out I sent it to my entire list of contacts. FML
Today, I got a text from my crush. In my clumsy attempt to quickly grab the phone, I knocked it off the kitchen counter and cracked the screen. After driving to my friend's house so I could put my sim card in her phone, I saw that the text said, "Who is this? Stop texting me." FML
Today, I got my crush's phone number. I started texting him and once I told him who it was, he stopped replying. FML
Today, I sent a risky text to my crush and immediately put my phone on airplane mode so I wouldn’t spend the next hour anticipating and responding to his reply. I forgot I did this and spent the whole day thinking he was ignoring me, but when I switched it back on, I'd not received a single message. FML
Today, I sent a heartfelt text to my crush confessing my feelings. I was over the moon when I saw they were typing a response. Turns out they were just asking if I could cover their shift at work. Rejected and now on the night shift. FML
Today, I was on a bus with my friend's older brother. He was kinda cute. I went to message my best friend, telling her how cute this guy was, how he was kinda packing downstairs, and how adorable he was. Two minutes later, he wordlessly turned his phone screen to me. It was the message. I sent it to him by mistake. FML
Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams' phone number. After texting her "Hey, is this Stephanie?" I got response saying "Sorry bro, I know how you feel, she did the same thing to me." FML
Today, I was trying to break up with my boyfriend over text. I was being really careful to phrase it nicely, and I hit send with a sigh of relief. Except I sent the text to my mom, who now keeps sending me unsolicited advice about my "love life" with an occasional "You go, girl!" FML
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Top comments
Maddiiee3011 13
Just breaking the ice
RarityRoyale 17
This is why you always keep an eye on your phone if you have shitty friends or relatives around
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Comments (105)
Maddiiee3011 13
Just breaking the ice
Ambient25 25
I always give my crushes a note that says: "Do you like me? If yes do not do no. If no do a backflip." I have yet to fail.
melbournearsenal 18
What I do at parties is grab a few ice cubes, walk up to a cute girl, throw the ice cubes on the ground and step on them, and then proceed to inform her that I just broke the ice :D
gracehi 33
Hey, how much does a polar bear weigh? Just enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm gracehi. :D *extends hand*
cakefete2 31
So grace, where do you want me to write my number? :)
saxoBEAST57 10
18, what if they can do a backflip?
Kamon97 23
Excel works much better at doing that :p
juan3611 14
You sir , are smooth.
juan3611 14
. #38
interesting33 37
And then someone practices and practices just to turn you down.. :P
ingridsoare 3
Or slip.
RarityRoyale 17
This is why you always keep an eye on your phone if you have shitty friends or relatives around
arandomusernameaa 20
Or you put a passcode lock on it... I never leave my phone unlocked around anyone... people are snoopy and like to read your messages... Just be more careful next time OP.
NeatNit 33
This. YDI for leaving it wide open.
ArielTheMermaid 17
I'm still wondering why OP would type a message and then walk away without sending it
synsam 4
proof that technology will never solve stupidity. ydi.
Ambient25 25
Umm so the guy would obviously know it was a joke. Even if you were a "shitty prostitute", it's not like he'd say "I agree" or something. If this is your first text to the guy you've had a crush on, you could do a lot better than just say "hey"...
Ambient25 25
Am I the only one who thinks the sister could have done much worse?
Morqan_Freeman 14
She could have said "Hey, I'm taking a shit so what's up?" Because even if she said it was a joke I don't know about you but I'd always havethat in the back of my mind if I ever spoke to OP.
synsam 4
she could have said "hey I've been standing outside your house masterbating with your garden hose every night this year. if you reject me your family dies but I'll keep you alive in my basement see you in class love ya"
Lacist 19
Yeah it's not even that bad, unless it's the first text you sent to him, depending on your definition of crush. Just say I left my phone open and my sister texted you that, he would understand.
MainPrism 16
That's pure gold.
MortenM 17
Totally. Great prank by the sister. Wish I had done it.
Clay_Pidgeon 11
If the crush replied "How much?". I think I would if died of laughter.
Grauncho 27
A prostitute that caters to a very specific customer base.
buckdharma 38
Now that's a shitty occupation.
Grauncho 27
Get out.
challan 19
As if being a prostitute wasn't bad enough, a poo fetish prostitute takes the cake. Gives a new meaning for her to see a John.
mario2012 18
A good reason to password protect your phone.
LawSixx 11
Never ever leave your phone out of your sight!
maskedman 9
Maybe she helped. I mean that message kind of turned me on.
abhi95 31
I feel sorry for the girls who fall for you..!
laden_swallow09 35
What girls?
Sports_guy3 28
#12 means guys.
Das_is_gud 11
#12 actually meant toilets
chickenman12312 12
You sick bastard
AlWAYSN4EVR 13
#63 LOL that was funny
xxBFMVAAMIWxx 18
Maybe your sister is trying to admit something...
cyttex 13
That she's a shitty prostitute? I think you really hit the head if the nail on that one 9
shaytards_fml 9
well now you can talk about something
Ambient25 25
Screw it, haggle the price! Add two turnips and a carrot in place of a $10...