Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I introduced my dad to my boyfriend. I gave my dad the middle finger and he thumped me on the head, as we've been playfully doing for years. My boyfriend got all mad and tried to fight my dad. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend. It took less than 10 seconds for him to accuse my boyfriend of being a "queer" because his handshake was "too limp". FML
Today, my dad joked he’d have to fight my boyfriend to find out if he’s worthy. My boyfriend grew up abused by his dad and older brothers, and has a powerful instinct to fight back. My dad is now out cold on the floor and my boyfriend is in the corner rocking back and forth and crying. FML
Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML
Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML
Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML
Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML
Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 38
Is he ******* crazy? What the hell is wrong with him? He's going about this all wrong. That's way too direct. The correct thing to say is, "I have a rusty scalpel, plenty of lidocaine, and an intimate knowledge of male anatomy. Have a nice time tonight."
droidlover 14
Did he stab him?!?!??
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (139)
droidlover 14
Did he stab him?!?!??
Ambient25 24
Yes he stabbed OP's boyfriend...it just wasn't important enough to be an FML >_>
AntiPrude 26
Don't **** with Daddy. **** with his daughter instead.
cathyfang1533 12
^33 - And then get stabbed by Daddy when he catches you screwing around with his daughter.
jillytc 23
#33- yeah you **** with the daughter daddys gonna **** you UP
AntiPrude 26
The trick, 36, is not getting caught. Which I assure you isnt that hard.
Enslaved 36
Don't dads realize that if they act like a dick to the boyfriends then some won't mind ******* over their daughters on purpose just to get even?
VancouverGuy89 9
Honestly I will be doing the same thing with my daughter one day I don't blame him one bit
sirsquab 12
I don't understand that attitude one bit. I'd let my potential future daughter make her own decisions and do my best to make sure she's smart enough to do so.
squideth 18
It's because we women are delicate pathetic flowers that need man to protect us! Not. My dad never pulled this shit because he respects me as a human being. He is always there for me and I'm grateful he's not a possessive ass.
emma1995 7
My father always says he would kill any man who hurts me. And by hurt I mean phisically. I think it's cute, he wouldn't really kill the man in question, but he would help me if I needed him. I think that's what OP's father meant. At least I hope so.
JAB9989 13
Remind me to stay about as far away from your father as possible
biggestfan23 11
She should be grateful her dad has a vested interest in her life
Bloink 25
Maybe your dad should take up fencing, it's fun and you get to stab people!
MrSassypants 33
Then that's when OP's dad gets the idea that fencing should be with machetes and invites the boyfriend over.
CallMeMcFeelii 13
Stabbing someone isn't really like people talk it up to be. It's just an "Oh shit!" kind of feeling. Just make sure you do it with something real badass, you don't want to be known as the guy who stabbed someone with a fruit peeler. I preformed my first stabbing with a katana.
MrSassypants 33
What a coincidence! I first got stabbed with a katana.... well, it was my first time getting stabbed with a sword. It was about my 19th stab in total, though.
strike2867 13
That would have made for a great reply from the boyfriend, "Well if you've always wondered that you should come to my class, I teach sword fighting, I have a 4th level black belt."
AnOriginalName 19
#41, are you sure you stabbed someone? Your profile picture makes it seem as though you're a Storm Trooper, and I think we all know how renowned your kind are for your accuracy.
ViRepz 28
Haha your dad sounds hilarious.
cheshirecat13242 32
I'd always wondered that too--as an overprotective dad..
MasqueradePrince 25
Oh, Iv only wondered as a ... Perfectly normal teenage boy... Who happens to watch shows about serial killers...
patrickalamo 47
I've always wondered why people bring a knife to a gun fight.
kyu_Q 19
I might do something like this when my daughters get older. I think all boyfriends should have a healthy fear of the father.
Bloink 25
I'm not sure of the fear of getting stabbed is healthy
MasqueradePrince 25
No, it's perfectly healthy I often Fear mí abuela is going to stab me in the kitchen.
doggy1230 5
Guys who do this are completely pathetic and undisciplined. There's nothing healthy about it. It's just a primitive reflex to establish your alpha-male position.
Rainhawk94 27
#45 you have a daughter?
SarcasticShade 16
More like it's a man putting the fear of God into a guy who will be involved with his child and wants him to know what will happen if he screws up.
doggy1230 5
Said this below, will repeat it here. Just because your daughter is special to you, doesn't give you the right to threaten to stab other people who have done nothing wrong. I get it, you care about your daughter, but that doesn't mean some guy who dares to date her should have to pay for that. Having a daughter doesn't give you a licence to threaten people with a knife. Maybe I have a son, and if someone pointed a knife at my son I would meet this person and point a gun in their face - reasonable?
doodlecloud 26
To all the people who think this is a great idea - what do you actually want to achieve? Scaring your daughter's boyfriend or protecting your daughter? Because they're not always the same tthing. I can't speak for everyone but when I first started seeing a guy I was terrified of how my dad might react. It did not lead to me cautiously warning my boyfriend, it led to me dating him in secret for 6 months. When my parents thought I was with friends, I was actually taking trains 1.5 hours away. I even lost my virginity before they knew I'd kissed anyone, let alone had a 'sex talk'. That is A LOT more dangerous than just being respectful and having a good relationship with both daughter and boyfriend. I did it because I trusted my boyfriend and myself. Fortunately I was right and we're still together 4 years later, however, I know I was lucky and it could have gone horribly wrong a la him being a crazy person, me getting stranded in the middle of nowhere, etc.
yamiyaiba 5
Not fear. Healthy respect, yes. Fear, no. If he's willing to behave maturely with my daughter, then that's fine.
martin8337 35
Sounds like some kind of scare tactic to me, this man is crazy.
Ambient25 24
Not really crazy, I mean he could have whipped out a pocket fan...
Pavillioned 7
And then said "HAH JUST KIDDING" and taken out a katana.
TourettesGuyFTW 25
And then dumped a truck-load of sand on them.
euphoricness 28
Why doesn't he just stab himself, I'm sure he'll still live so long as he only does it out of curiosity
Elliotkitty 13
That's not only stupid but it could possibly kill the father if he stabbed himself. curiosity isn't a excuse to do that.
cryssycakesx3 22
some people don't get jokes...
BeforeItWasCool 12
Wow. Right over your head, huh?
DocBastard 38
Is he ******* crazy? What the hell is wrong with him? He's going about this all wrong. That's way too direct. The correct thing to say is, "I have a rusty scalpel, plenty of lidocaine, and an intimate knowledge of male anatomy. Have a nice time tonight."
AntiPrude 26
Stealing lidocaine on the job huh, you rascal, you
MrSassypants 33
Too direct? Nah, he was just getting to the point.... Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go stab myself with a knife for making that pun.
GSU2013 6
Let us know how it goes... a few of us are obviously very curious...
fk18 27
That should keep your boyfriend in shape if your dad hasn't scared him away already