Today, I had the pleasure of driving in central London for the first time, to recover my drunk husband from his own brilliance, puking on the feet of Winston Churchill's statue in Parliament Square. At 4 am. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML
Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
Today, I went out drinking with my friends. Being safe as we were a little intoxicated, we took a taxi back. The cab driver was also drunk. FML
Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my new car. FML
Today, my wife got drunk and stopped for a pee against the wheel of a parked police car, with three coppers and a dog inside it. FML
Today, I decided to be the sober housemate for the first time in a while. I drove my drunk friends to the bar and back, even buying them pizza before they passed out in the living room. I got repaid by catching my wasted housemate in my room, peeing all over my floor, bed, and nightstand. FML
Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML
Today, my husband drank way too much white wine at a wedding and projectile vomited all over me and my car while I was driving. We were 5 miles from home and I have emetophobia (the fear of vomit/vomiting). FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
DooleyFTW 17
Old Winston is well used to drunk idiots on and around his statue I'm sure!
robbilee 14
Did you enjoy the sites?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (73)
robbilee 14
Did you enjoy the sites?
obnum 19
Well I do enjoy this site, but there are some out there that I just absolutely hate.
DooleyFTW 17
Old Winston is well used to drunk idiots on and around his statue I'm sure!
\ 28
Maybe OP's husband is actually Neville Chamberlain.
chris_ohhhh 7
Drinking problems
mif_fml 27
Only if it was at 4:00pm.
yallneedjesus 5
Let's not jump to conclusions people, he may have just had a rowdy night out
mandyrozrox 13
oh.. that sucks OP D:
hessel 13
^ was so panicking that he was in the first four comments that he said something were they have a button for it
Bano360 25
^ I find your comment worse.
thrifting 18
If you're going through hell, keep going.
buckdharma 37
You might make it out before the devil flicks a boogie on your winder.
thatonegirlnic 10
You never forget your first time
QQmore_fml 18
Except for those times you've already forgot.
dingleberrysteve 6
i remember all of my drunken exploits, even more than standard exploits.
Dubai_fail 7
hey,now you cant complain to your Hubby that you didn't visit central London :-)
BellaBear90 27
Nobody complains about not having seen Central London.
graceinsheepwear 33
Madam, you are angry. In the morning, he shall be sober.
cmac86 23
I'd love to hear ol Winston's whit come out on this one.
cryssycakesx3 22
Oh no. this is terrible.
Rainhawk94 27
I wonder if people just comment whatever comes to their mind and realize later that what they commented was completely unnecessary
cryssycakesx3 22
I wonder if people ever realize when someone is being facetious or if they're just arrogant and think they're smarter than everyone else.