Today, on the drive to church, I got a nosebleed. Not so bad, until I sneezed and splattered myself and my fiancé with blood, snot, and eventually tears. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I sneezed without knowing I had a nosebleed. Despite turning my head, a fine blood spray shot out all over my fiancée’s white dress as we were standing at the altar. She refused to say “I do” because she was so mad. FML
Today, I parked in the parking lot at work feeling like I had to sneeze. As I was walking in, the sneeze finally came. Apparently, my nose was bleeding so when I sneezed, blood got all over the floor and my brand new work clothes. FML
Today, I went on a 7-hour plane flight. For 3 hours I had a bloody nose. When it finally stopped, I sneezed. It started to bleed again. FML
Today, I was on my way to work. Out of nowhere, my period started. Due to allergies, I had uncontrollable sneezes. Now, I have blood all over my pants. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML
Today, I was making out with this guy when my nose started bleeding, and it got on his face. FML
Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML
Today, I got a nosebleed. For 7 hours. I ended up in the ER. FML
Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 35
I was going to make a Bloody Mary joke, but you already have it covered in your name... And to think, I'd put all my blood, snot and tears into these puns!
Pleonasm 35
It blows that you can't even make a pun these days without people screaming bloody murder. Anyone have a tissue, because this is really tearing me apart! God only nose how picky the people can be around here; I wish they'd booger off and let the crusts fall where they may.
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Comments (66)
Pleonasm 35
I was going to make a Bloody Mary joke, but you already have it covered in your name... And to think, I'd put all my blood, snot and tears into these puns!
then000bster 16
Well that's snot fun at all.
dathan 14
That pun was tearrible. Really, puns are just bloody annoying.
Pleonasm 35
It blows that you can't even make a pun these days without people screaming bloody murder. Anyone have a tissue, because this is really tearing me apart! God only nose how picky the people can be around here; I wish they'd booger off and let the crusts fall where they may.
CaptMurdock 25
BloodyMarry? Hopefully you weren't going to your wedding?
CVTTRVN 19
It states clearly that she was going to church .
CaptMurdock 25
She doesn't specify for what though.
Ian7890 23
#8 last time i checked, people often times get married at churches; and its not even sunday so i doubt its actually church
Prolux_fml 23
19 - Posts don't immediately show up. People have to moderate them first before they can be posted.
BrandiLush 31
Last time I checked, the bride and groom arrive separate.
SokDek 14
last time I checked church isn't always on Sunday. Believe it or not there ARE other denominations..
gc327072 30
Last time I checked, there have never been this many comments in a row starting with "last time I checked"
ElatedEarthling 15
25- They don't always arrive separate. Sometimes they choose to ride together in the limo (or whichever mode of transport), especially if the venue is far from their house. They could have very well been getting married or just going to church, there's not enough info to decide.
nogood9 4
Well her title is Bloody Marry, so we could infer that, since "marry" is spelled in the sense of a wedding, that there was a marriage involved. That, or OP does not know how to spell.
nogood9 4
Sounds like a bloody good time.
Reaper1984 13
Sunday bloody Sunday
superalubba 13
Amen
hama806 19
Speaking of which..,I'm pretty sure God will understand if they either go home and call it a day until next time. If it's for their wedding, which I highly doubt since the bride and groom don't usually ride in the same car before their wedding, you are seriously screwed.
supertacowaffle 41
Your name confuses me. Were you on your way to a wedding?:S
cmayer 20
Really??
Vitualamen 11
Going to church looking like you've just been at a satanic ritual is always good..
limitedition 25
Maybe you are allergic to church?
ElatedEarthling 15
I'm allergic to church too. Each time I step foot in one, I begin to sizzle. Needless to say, I'm not a very good Christian.
perdix 29
Were you going to church with Chris Brown?
Grand_Cookie 21
Why wouldn't you just plug your nose?
gloooooria 14
Before of after the sneeze? Maybe she tried and that's why she exploded blood from her nose.
Grand_Cookie 21
I suppose