Today, I went to a Nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming, "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife and I decided to celebrate Christmas Eve with her side of the family. When we arrived at her parents' house, I heard her mother say that Christmas miracles don't exist since my wife brought me along. FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Today, was my first day as a bouncer. I was a bit late and didn't meet all the staff. Later that night, some fairly drunk guy was trying to force his way in, I told him we were at capacity and that he would have to wait. He kept trying and I ended up pushing him to the floor. He was the owner. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML
Today, my boss made me work a longer shift than usual. Not because he needed me in, but just so I'd finish at the same time as his brat of a son, and give him a lift home. FML
Today, it's New Year's Eve. My husband and I weren't invited to any parties, and we don't have a sitter to be able to go out by ourselves. Instead, I'm watching "Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2" on the Disney channel with our 5-year-old, and my husband has passed out on the couch from sheer boredom. FML
Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML
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Top comments
AbstraktThoughts 13
Father of the year award goes to...
Welshite 40
I guess his part was the donkey.
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Comments (46)
AbstraktThoughts 13
Father of the year award goes to...
jaycee1209 5
Not him, obviously.
WhitneyShehan 10
To much Communion Wine I guess, lol.
Ambient25 25
Am I the only one who wonders how the father shows up?? After dealing with my frat, it's not often that a drunk guy actually calls a cab...
Sputnikspak 13
Drinking in the parking lot. Also school may have been close enough to walk (my elementary school was two minutes from my house).
dingleberrysteve 6
also, he probably drove, not everyone calls a cab or walks
SmuggletheBudgie 15
drink drive, you're a bloody idiot.
ohnowhyme123 15
what an amazing father!
JMichael 26
My father. He's smart enough not to pull a dick move like this.
TheAbstract 15
I couldn't not favorite this FML.
incoherentrmblr 22
...and Christ was born...
Sandman366 6
1-A guy with no kids. (The judges were going for the irony.)
raddybear 11
That sound humiliating for you and you son.
dogli7895 4
humiliating sounds a bit like an understatement
JMichael 26
Ok, downright an embarrassment
jaycee1209 5
That's just plain rude, he should make it up to your son.
boo_the_unicorn 5
Yea seeing how OP felt how do you think the son would feel not seeing his parents at his proformance that he worked hard on.
Welshite 40
I guess his part was the donkey.
olpally 33
What a douche. Take away his alcohol. This isn't family guy. Asshole.
Bumblebrea99 14
Is it American Dad?
horneyhic 15
Simpsons
olpally 33
Both of you need to learn this is a serious comment and not sarcasm. ******* hell.
isuckwithnames 22
You need to learn to take a joke.
olpally 33
They weren't good^
slooby_fml 25
Well humor is subjective. Whether you found them funny or not doesn't invalidate their status as jokes
gingergirl3033 6
It could be Archer.
Sputnikspak 13
This would be how Sterling Archer would be as a father.
Sports_guy3 28
Loosen up, olpally. This is FML
8born8 18
Married with children perhaps?
RoboCunnilingus 23
I'm with these guys. I thought it was Real Life, but that show sucks. After the 18th season it went downhill.
imhope 23
Wow. He needs help.
slooby_fml 25
At least it was more entertaining than it probably would have been if nothing exciting happened
Nyx_fml 23
He was clearly very enthusiastic and eager to see baby Jesus. He should be commended for it.
thehumanlyhuman 7
Drunk words are sober thoughts. That was just a look into your husband's head, OP.
TheCowCollector 2
Most untrue saying ever.
bugfroggy 16
#56 - similar to your grammar.
sexysaltshaker 11
I feel terrible for laughing. I'm sure your son will laugh about it later on, haha.
KB616 11
I laughed too
sexysaltshaker 11
With the thumbs down I had, I guess we're the only ones then :)
Sports_guy3 28
Not really.
sexysaltshaker 11
Wow, ok.