Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML
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Trust your gut
Today, my husband and I once again argued over expiration dates. He says I’m paranoid and wasteful. I finally gave in and ate some food I wasn’t so sure of. Well, his innards must be made of vibranium because I’m currently in the fetal position on the bathroom floor after puking for an hour. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Toilet training
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML
Today, my 3 year-old woke up with diarrhea. The stench caused him to throw up. My husband started sympathy puking all over the floor. I'm so exhausted already that I'm considering just burning the damn house down to avoid cleaning it all up. FML
Infectious
Today, it's day four of liquid ass and violent hurling after I hosted a birthday party for my daughter, and one of the kids brought a stomach virus rather than a present. Yesterday my daughter started with the violent vomiting too. Everything smells like vomit in my home. Yay me! FML
Today, my kids caught a virus from school. My husband stayed home with them since I make more money and he didn't want to risk me getting sick. Guess which adult has the runs and is puking every five seconds. Nope, not him. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Who gave him that?
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Top comments
Alleged_Cranium 7
How did OP end up with theses kids? Expired condoms?
spaboolly 26
I am assuming these are your children... so why the hell would you let their FATHER dictate a "policy" that could potentially poison them? You need to assert yourself more, especially on matters of safety, for your children's sake if not your own.
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Comments (152)
spaboolly 26
I am assuming these are your children... so why the hell would you let their FATHER dictate a "policy" that could potentially poison them? You need to assert yourself more, especially on matters of safety, for your children's sake if not your own.
Isoldael 27
OP might not have been home when the dad pulled his stupid stunt.
emilyjgraham 34
I can see where you're coming from #1 but like #14, she may have been out. Also, the mother of the children shouldn't have to end up treating the father like a child and approve everything he does! Obviously I'm not saying what he did was okay but when I have children I don't want my partner to feel he HAS to ask permission to give things or do things with them as they are his also.
spaboolly 26
From the way it was written, I got the impression that the husband refuses to throw out food after it's expired and has no regard for food safety, and the risk was therefore something that was ongoing. My father was like that, as are many parents I know, and I can't stand people like that. You may be right and it was a one time thing that the mother didn't happen to be around to prevent, but there's no way to know. And even in that case, she shouldn't have to be around to prevent it. She should be able to trust the children to their father secure in the knowledge that he will not harm or endanger them in any way, which does not seem to be the case here. Either way, at least one of them is acting as an unfit parent in my book.
cynicalhumanist 9
Some expiration dates are just not that relevant. Sure, you should probably keep track of them when it comes to meat, but eggs, milk etc. usually stays fresh way past expiration date (at least here in Sweden).
Iknoweverything 29
It doesn't matter if the father was home or not, since the mother could throw out all the food on her own, when her husband isn't home. I don't know what's going on there, but neither one of those parents are solely to blame. ESPECIALLY if the mother knew that her husband didn't believe in expiration dates.
betty9 5
ahaha yeah, I agree with 14. from the sounds of it, I'd say the father was the person who willingly gave it to them, not the mother. and I doubt all mothers ask their husbands if the food they're giving their children is expired every time he goes to feed them. lol
BlueFlatts 20
Are you sure it's an expiration date and not a sell by date? Here milk has sell by dates, giving them about an additional week.
RedPillSucks 31
Unfortunately, it could also have been prescription expiration dates, which are almost meaningless in the US. Not sure what the Canadian laws about this are.
crazytwinsmom 25
The mom ought to toss the food herself without getting his permission. Also, many times you will hear moms say that they have 3 kids when they only have two, meaning their husband is included. This is an example of that.
fylx100 19
#62 Says "I don't know what's going on there" but read her username.
crazytwinsmom 25
Some prescription drugs do change over time, and not for the better, not just losing strength. Check with a pharmacist before using past the date.
adam_night 9
You go girl. Read my mind when you made the comment
LemonandLime 13
103 - that's not true. Medicines can go bad and make you sick. It's not just "loosing potency" that's like saying vegetables just loose flavour.
ChoolyBooly 32
#49 I completely agree. His actions are dangerous to the children and FML alludes to him having a pattern by his belief about expiration dates. If she can't trust him to feed her children non expired food he is an unfit parent. That could be seen as knowingly poisoning your children because you know the food has expired. And since she (the wife) knows what her husband has just done and believes then she needs o give him an ultimatum. Even if this is something she just found out. If she does nothing to correct this behavior then she is aiding and abetting in the potential poisoning of herself and her children. If that is the case both are unfit. Either the husband learns from this or there needs to be a divorce. if there is no divorce than the kids need to find better homes.
Akay4 14
He is an idiot,you are weak for letting him serve bad food...
xStaciexLynnx 15
As 14 responded to 1, I'm sure she wasn't there when he did it.
TheDrifter 23
Don't forget they're both fools for buying so much of a product that they didn't finish it before it spoiled. Good grocery planning can add up to an extra case of beer every week, or a vacation every year.
21jason 9
Coming from the drifter?
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Now, I'm not a woman but even I know that vaginas don't have an expiration date.
a1f0sff 25
Actually, they do. The supposed purpose of the ****** is to accommodate the penis during the sexual intercourse with the "only intent" of reproducing. Since women stop being able to have kids after menopause, they kinda have an expiration date.
perdix 29
#26, the ovaries expire, but the vaginas don't.
emilyjgraham 34
#26 I'm sure you've seen 'granny ****' right? Their ******'s are well and truly in use and they've been through menopause! Like perdix said, it's the ovaries that 'expire'!
DocBastard 38
It's alright TourettesGuy, I got the joke.
a1f0sff 25
29, would you have sex with an old lady with an old ******?
lilyputionflower 6
I've seen you comment on so many FML's..
RedPillSucks 31
The expiration date is coincident with death. Perhaps a little before.
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Clearly it was too subtle for the ignoramous masses.
rogerdodgeroz 4
Lol almost no one got it , too busy being clever and factual .
Kkkdawg 27
After*
Alleged_Cranium 7
How did OP end up with theses kids? Expired condoms?
Nicholi124 10
What does op means?
SoMuchWut 8
Overpriced potatoes.
perdix 29
#28, the OP means that her husband fed their kids expired food and they got sick. Hope that clears things up.
Damitol 3
OP is Original Poster. As in the person who started the thread.
buckdharma 37
#28- Outdated pork.
emilyjgraham 34
Why do people ask questions in this app that can be Googled?!
perdix 29
#41, why don't you Google that question and see if it breaks the Internet?
Qazx405_fml 2
Op is a ******
BlueFlatts 20
41-Because upon searching a similar question the first website is Wikipedia. Which states that it likely means original poster or overpowered. Now, since you can't trust Wikipedia you go to the second website and they say it's overpowered. So op obviously means overpowered. The Internet doesn't lie.
TrueTriage 16
Bahahahaha!! Internet doesn't li- oh I get it now. Yes but we really need like a welcome to the Internet 5 page handbook on the residents and what to expect when you chat people.
Nicholi124 10
I'm not ******* stupid ik that just a simple question what does "op" means dumbass
Nicholi124 10
Thank you
Nicholi124 10
Thank you #34 and my first comment was for #33
DanielleinDC 33
Well, if he thinks expiration dates are for *******, maybe so. That said, OP, you should have made HIM take the kids to the emergency room, but he'd probably screw that up as well.
whY402Jay 12
He will probably receive a Darwin Award some day.
spaboolly 26
Unfortunately there is not much point to that, since he has already reproduced and guaranteed that his subpar intelligence will stay in the gene pool for at least one more generation.
wlddog 14
9 My wife is a nurse, and is WAY too over the top with experation dates. I know you are a man hater and all, but not all experation dates make sense. The kids the OP took to the docbastard or one of his coworkers could have been sick before they ate whatever. Now, if it was indeed something the father did, I am sure he will do better nexttime. But having the mom "assert herself more" will not work often. Men kind of have a thing abou being treated like little children. Kind of puts us on edge.
RedPillSucks 31
Why do you think #9 is a man hater? If men don't want to be treated like little children, then they shouldn't act like little children. Using common sense isn't that hard. I get the whole expired food thing. I have pretty good germ tolerance, having grown up outside the US and eat "old" food all the time, but I don't give it to my kids, who were raised in the US.
crazytwinsmom 25
I wish I could do thumbs up twice for Red...
happle 21
68 You should never give your kids something that could make them sick. Your wife has every right to be concerned with expired food. And I'm not sure why you think 9 is a man hater, but OP's husband did something stupid and irresponsible, much like a child, so he's pretty much asking to be treated like one.
wlddog 14
I am sorry, i guess i should of made a reference to her #1 post. My bad for not making the reference earlier. And not all sickness comes from expiration dates. It is possible it could have been a coincident.
DerrickJames 33
Their stomachs will soon be steel. Listen to your husband, he knows what it takes to be a man.
dashizam 10
My family is like that. "Freeze it, it'll be fine!" I have found entirely green, MOVING Cool Whip, blue peanut butter hard as a friggin rock, and countless other things. You are right, you need a steel stomach just to look at the stuff.
TheDrifter 23
If you freeze cool whip until use it should never turn green. Nor should peanut butter ever turn blue (unless there's some chemical additive in yours). Maybe you should try their advice? Or fix your freezer?
dashizam 10
No, those particular things weren't in the freezer at the time. The peanut butter was in the cellar-way, and the Cool Whip was in the fridge. Although I think the Cool Whip was only in there a few days before I started wondering what the smell was. No idea where it came from.
tikimuppet 11
Depending of what the food item is you can actually eat it way past the expiration date, wouldn't reccomend it for small children though...
taranpreet 7
Yeah exactly. I can handle most things past expiration date, but he really should have known better. Young kids don't have an iron stomach yet.
420Zombie 17
I'd say it also matters how far past the expiration date said food is
RedPillSucks 31
When the stuff you're about to eat pleads for its life, that's the time to throw it out.
Champignon_fml 19
Indeed, for most foods you can just tell from its condition if you can still eat it or not (e.g you wouldn't put milk in your mouth that comes out of the carton in clots). I wonder how the father failed to notice that this food was spoiled before feeding the stuff to his kids, because if it was so rancid it put two kids in the hospital, he really should have smelled/seen/tasted it when it was not yet too late.
RedPillSucks 31
I'm guessing he probably didn't smell/see/taste it before giving it to his kids. Some dads can be irresponsible like that.
Serisent 26
Expiration dates are, indeed, for *******. That's why cats have nine lives; they don't eat expired foods.
THE_A_TEEN 27
Edit: I got the joke. Never mind.
Dontstealmyname 11
So you're trying to tell me that humans supposedly only have 1 life because we eat expired food and if we didn't, we'd have 9, just like cats? What? Why didn't anyone tell me about this before? My whole life has been a lie. Dammit.
maz95 17
Maybe you should cook him dinner with a few expired ingredients so he knows what he put the kids through...test that theory through.
Voij 16
I'd suggest a bowl of cereal with expired milk. "Mhmm, chunky."
whyusofat 17
@58 do it while pooping
kwyk 23
If it's a best before date, it's normally alright for a few days after. I generally avoid food after an expiration date though.