Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20274) - you totally deserved it (89829)
On 03/18/2009 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by Melaknee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Lmao, how could you not know it was a bum? Did the dirty beard, three jackets and the shopping cart not give it away?
I'm not one to judge, but you have to admit that such things are part of the risk you take when you sleep with random people.
You're not wrong to have sex to your heart's content, but I don't think you have a lot of room to complain about the result, either.
I'd recommend going to a clinic ASAP, by the way.
he couldn't be THAT bad, right? you wouldn't have sex with somone smelly or anything right? RIGHT?!;)
Soo.. you must not have talked for very long then. You deserved it.
If you actually care about residency, financial stability, etc. then talk a little longer; however, if that wasn't what you were looking for then why do you pretend to care after the fact? Lesson learned & what #5 said.
#9 - On 03/19/2009 at 4:18am by Reasonable_man
So? You slept had casual sex with somebody you met outside of a club. That's the risk. It's your business whether or not you want to do it, but you're a risk of things like this happening if you're going to let people you've only known for a few minutes into your apartment.
I feel worse for the bum. He doesn't have an apartment.
#10 - On 03/19/2009 at 4:23am by thequeenofscots
if i were you i wouldn't waste my time posting my stupidity on fml...i'd be booking it to the closest clinic to get every sti test available...
#12 - On 03/19/2009 at 4:30am by madame_malfoy
Whats wrong with sleeping with hobo's?? They are human too, some of them chose to be a hobo and others became a hobo because of mistakes they made in life.
When i was little i always wanted to become a hobo when i grew old :(
you had sex with some guy you hardly knew and it turns out he wasn't the man of your dreams.. poor girl..... fml? fhl.... he needs to get checked out asap cause there is no telling what your carrying
Well, if you don't want to sleep with homeless people, probably best to talk to him enough beforehand to determine he isn't homeless. "So what do you do?" might be a good start.
Sucks that he ate all your food.
Aside from that, "Did you use protection?" and "Was the sex good?" are really the only relevent questions.
#17 - On 03/19/2009 at 4:49am by capnpaco
I think with all the shit going down in the world right now, there will be a lot more bums out there, and not all of them old & smelly. I've been told that over in the USA, you can go from a well earning, middle-upper class businessman to a bum in like two weeks, especially now. So he could have been a wealthy young man with a Porche just last week.
#18 - On 03/19/2009 at 4:50am by Shadowbird
... What's up with everyone thinking all hobos have some sort of sexually transferred disease?
ANYONE can have them, so it's probably better to get yourself checked after having sex with a extremely hot and flirtatious person, rather than someone who is very unlikely to get much sex >__>
Also, if he was attractive, it doesn't matter too much, right?
#21 - On 03/19/2009 at 5:36am by youreawhore
For sleeping with a random person, you kind of deserved that.
#22 - On 03/19/2009 at 5:40am by LetsPretend
while I don't disagree with what most people are saying, I definitely feel for you. I don't know what I would do if that happened to me!
well. it's abit wrong say FML because of the homeless guy.. i mean how many people are homeless these days in these difficult times... doesnt mean hes not an educated person. All the time u guys made out he didn't smell, sound or act funny right?? so he was normal... hope u enjoyed the sex... and next time go to his place!
#24 - On 03/19/2009 at 6:05am by Mikeymikey
You deserved it for taking some strange man home. If he didn't smell or act funny or appear to be smashed, wtfever. You mad because you didn't hook up with a doctor? Aim higher, don't mean men at crappy clubs. Or maybe you just don't attract high calibur men.
Well if you're gonna sleep with random men you happen to chance upon outside clubs, this is the risk you take. I am sorry to say, but you can't expect all strangers you hook up with to be financially stellar. This is your own fault. :-)
#28 - On 03/19/2009 at 6:50am by Flying_Pink_Lulz
Soooo what? He slept with you and then stole all your bread and cheese? Or were you referring to his cockcheese?
He must have been a very well dressed and clean hobo for you to mistake him for just another guy.
Either way I don't really see this as a FML... just don't tell your friends. Chances are you would never live this one down if you do
Sorry, but F-Your-Life? You had sex with someone who stole your bread and cheese. HE'S HOMELESS. Get a little perspective. F-HIS-Life.
don't pick up people you don't know from the street...
you might want to get tested for an STD
#32 - On 03/19/2009 at 7:13am by iluvmycatz
#25 that was a pretty dumb remark because you also just described a teenager!!
#33 - On 03/19/2009 at 7:24am by krunkrooster
Given that he stole your bread and cheese and not your booze, I don't think there's much to worry about.
#35 - On 03/19/2009 at 8:12am by Good_old_Grim
Whats wrong with being homeless? You don't know his circumstances...and if only bread and cheese was missing than maybe he was a good guy. You have your TV, your purse, your jewelry.
If you couldn't tell he was homeless he either takes good care of himself, or you are lacking observational skills.
Frankly I have no sympathy for you, he was a nice guy, times are tough, and you are judging him for being homeless. Go to a clinic and get tested, and tested again in 3 months since thats how long it takes for HIV antibodies to form. If you are clean, then you just made a huge ass of yourself.
#36 - On 03/19/2009 at 8:18am by truelyajerk
that sucks...but thats what you get for sleeping with anyone.
#37 - On 03/19/2009 at 8:32am by fmlrox334
In this economy, any one of us could become homeless at any moment. Its scary to think about. That said, if you have a problem with sleeping with people who are less economically sound than you are, maybe you should get to know them a little bit before you bring them home and spread your legs.
#38 - On 03/19/2009 at 8:36am by mylifesucks_alot
More like, Today, I slept with a hobo. I now have AIDS. FML.
#39 - On 03/19/2009 at 8:37am by wallythedolly
You fucked a bum. HA.
Sleeping with random people = retarded. Hope you got an itchy STD and learned your lesson. Best of luck with the nasty ones though :)
What did his cardboard sign say? Will offer sex for bread and cheese? I agree, though with the other posters, you should take care of your body and not hook up like that...be careful, hooking up with strangers can be dangerous. /momtalk
#42 - On 03/19/2009 at 8:53am by Neenertastic
5, 10, 21 & 30: Right on. I agree completely. Who cares what the person does or if they have a home if you were just looking for a one-night stand anyways? You didn't get hurt, you may not have contracted anything, and you posed exactly the same risk you would have posed if that person did have a roof to sleep under. The assumption that just because someone is homeless means they're dangerous or gross is infuriating. In my opinion, the OP was being very insensitive.
And to 25 who said there are no homeless women, there are actually many of them and it's the fastest-growing group within the homeless population. They just not as visible -- possibly because people like you talk about using them for sex, and they realize they face a very high risk of sexual assault and stay relatively hidden because of it.
#45 - On 03/19/2009 at 8:58am by 12frisbees
How the hell could you now know he was a bum? He was clean and well-dressed? That sounds so damn weird....
#46 - On 03/19/2009 at 9:03am by blackdogassault
If he's THAT attractive he should work as a model, why is he still homeless? You might wanna suggest that to him.
#47 - On 03/19/2009 at 9:21am by ljuwaidah
You brought a total stranger into your apartment. be happy all he did was steal food and not stab you. then go get tested asap.
#48 - On 03/19/2009 at 9:21am by thisismyname
If you every ask yourself am i a slut...just look back at this memory and realize you are. You cannot ever get mad at someone saying this ever again. SLUTTTTTTT
Ah well, like they say, "ya pays ya money and ya takes ya chances."
#51 - On 03/19/2009 at 10:06am by kiltedwolf
Today I read a fml about a women who bumped uglies with a homeless dude.... but then I realzed that hopeless people were getting laid more than me.... fml.
In the grand scheme of things, it's probably LESS likely that a hobo would carry an STD.
#53 - On 03/19/2009 at 10:16am by shorgenfunkel
yeaah #36!
i mean really how stupid do you have to be to realize that the guy was a bum? You should be so glad that all he took from you was bread and cheese.
get yourself checked and take a long ass shower to attempt ridding yourself of that dirty feeling.
how desperate were you exactly that you just take any random hookup? and obv your not hot enough to get into the club...... poor bb
#54 - On 03/19/2009 at 10:24am by jormalover
#53 - that's not true, sadly. At least in Detroit it's not. I work in Infectious Diseases in a hospital downtown, and of the patients that I've seen that have STDs (at least the more damaging ones like AIDS or syphilis) many of them are homeless. To be fair, not all of them contracted AIDS through sex though, many cases were because they shared needles. Doesn't mean the OP wouldn't be screwed if she slept with one of them lol. The other reason we have so many homeless here is that they closed down the mental institutions, so all the schizos were left out in the street.
That being said, not all homeless people look/smell/act/are like the patients I see in the hospital. Has anyone seen "The Pursuit of Happyness"? If not, it might make you change your opinion on the homeless.
But I have to agree, how could you possibly just sleep with a random person you met?
so what's the fml? were you planning to keep this guy a fuck buddy then realized he doesn't have a phone that you can contact him with on your in-need nights? you could always have a pickup point, down the street, corner of 5th every thursday night. no fml needed
#58 - On 03/19/2009 at 10:44am by roflmaonade
I think it should read like this: Today, I had to have sex with this ugly chick I met outside a club near the alley I live in just so I could have a bed to sleep in and some food to eat for a night. FML
Of course, we won't see that on here though because he doesn't have a home let alone a fucking computer and internet connection. You degraded yourself because you're a desperate idiot, no need to degrade him for his misfortune. And #55 is right on.
Shameful you'd offer him your cooch but not some genuine help.
#59 - On 03/19/2009 at 10:57am by ilikerainbows
FAKE - Hasn't anyone else watched Arrested Development?
#60 - On 03/19/2009 at 11:03am by fudgefingers
HAHAHA Too bad I don't believe it... If it's true, how in the world didn't you tell by how badly he surely smelled?!
#62 - On 03/19/2009 at 11:12am by life_is_a_hooker
it was probably just a squatter kid. they're usuaully young and they tend to just seem like dirty punk kids than actually homeless.
#63 - On 03/19/2009 at 11:13am by beernotchurch
I agree with #56. Technically she's not even a whore, since she didn't get paid. In fact, she's like... a reverse whore, because she ended up getting robbed.
All i can say is that I hope he didn't look, smell, or have the hygiene of a stereotypical hobo. Cause that would be gross, and you would need to go to an AA meeting if you were too wasted to notice that.
Who are you to judge him? Is being an unconscionable whore any better than being homeless?
#68 - On 03/19/2009 at 11:57am by StopWhiningPpl
If all he took was bread and cheese you're lucky. He could have taken valuable things.
#69 - On 03/19/2009 at 12:11pm by alwaysalady
Generally, the homeless are not hot. Either your standards are low or you were bombed.
P.S. Get tested for something.
#71 - On 03/19/2009 at 12:33pm by fail_truck
seriously, is everyone posting on here 15 years old? because everyone who isn't has had a random hookup at some point in time. sucks your cheese and bread got stolen. at least that shit's relatively cheap and he didn't steal expensive jewelry or something.
#72 - On 03/19/2009 at 12:56pm by kels
Maybe he just recently lost his home due to foreclosure or something. Being homeless right now and being a bum could be two different things. And I agree, if he is in such a poor financial position right now, you are lucky he didn't take valuable items or money. Bread and cheese is the least of your worries... obviously the most important for him.
#73 - On 03/19/2009 at 1:09pm by olivejuice
Yeah #60. Reminds me of that episode on Arrested Development with Lindsay and that bum who really was an actor.
1) homeless people need loving to
2) For now on, soup kitchens just aren't going to be the same
#76 - On 03/19/2009 at 1:19pm by deuce_wild
ya you definately deserved that. He must've been a clean hobo. unless youre just bad at picking out random victims to fuck.
#77 - On 03/19/2009 at 1:29pm by knottyhead
WOW. Um, go to a clinic. How on earth could you not tell he was homeless?? I've worked with homeless people for a long time, and it's true, they don't always smell bad or have serious addictions, but... a little conversation usually brings this up pretty quickly! That was incredibly foolish of you.
Looks like the bum got lucky. Free food, some sex, and a place to stay for the night.
#82 - On 03/19/2009 at 1:55pm by Silhouette
Homeless people aren't particularly well known for avoiding IV drug use and using clean needles when they do. The guy might moonlight as a gay prostitute for spare money. You have a lot to worry about.
I agree with #45. In this economy anyone can be homeless.
#88 - On 03/19/2009 at 2:34pm by liveitlearnit
ha! i think it's bad that after i read this i remembered that i had cheese in the fridge and was really happy to eat it. I now officially diagnosed myself with ADD
#92 - On 03/19/2009 at 2:48pm by youwish13122
Should've seen the signs. #1 you met him at a club #2 he was OUTSIDE of the club! #3 you met him at a club. Learned another question to ask next time you're "talking" to a guy before sex? Hope so!
lmao #15 wtf?... but I agree with most, because if you sleep with any random guy that's just the risk you take... guess him taking bread and cheese was better than him taking your Ipod or your valuable jewelry! haha
#97 - On 03/19/2009 at 3:08pm by wichitagirl87
Try having more respect for yourself and not just sleeping with random strangers because they're attractive. Oh, and you might also want to work on being less shallow.
#99 - On 03/19/2009 at 3:31pm by nuga
It reminds me of that song by Whale... Hobo Humpin' Slobo Babe...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fa5SiU2U5_k
bums need love too. :)
i hope you used protection...otherwise you'll have a bum baby
#102 - On 03/19/2009 at 4:12pm by shehzeenahmed
im sorry but how can you have sex with a bum and not realize before hand.. was he not wearing shitty clothes or looked dirty?
hey i know someone who is somewhat homeless and I was very attracted to him.
But I actually know him and I am not intending on having sex with him.
Next time perhaps stop yourself from having sex with strangers?
what's up with europeans thinking that americans are all getting laid off and homeless? Yes, we are in a recession and people are getting laid off, but at the same time it's not like people are living on the streets. Our economy is still better than most of the world even if it is bad.
this has GOT to be fake. unless you are reallllly stupid, theres no way you wouldn't have noticed he was homeless. and he wouldn't have stolen bread and cheese. don't you think he would've stolen money??
#108 - On 03/19/2009 at 4:45pm by swimchica
HAHAHHAHAH that's why you don't sleep with random people.
And I agree with #108, i'm really hoping this is fake. because if not...idiot.
#109 - On 03/19/2009 at 5:20pm by gross__
Hope you made him wear a condom. "Today, I read an FML about a girl who brought home and slept with a homeless person the night she met him. Even the homeless get more sex than I do. FML"
Damn, that's gross. But it serves you right for having sex with some random person. Wasn't he stinky?? Ewww....
#114 - On 03/19/2009 at 6:33pm by DazzleThemForMe
If you were just going for a one-night stand, why does it matter what his financial situation is?
#115 - On 03/19/2009 at 6:52pm by abbydoll1414
please don't get tested. People like you need to have physical symptoms so that we know to stay away.
#118 - On 03/19/2009 at 7:29pm by TheLeftNut
Hmmmm...you might want to make sure you didn't get any diseases. Other than that, this is pretty much hilarious!
"Woe is me: I slept with some random guy, and he turned out to be a homeless guy instead of a millionaire who happened to be walking by a club."
Is that the gist of your so-called "FML"?
#126 - On 03/19/2009 at 9:07pm by SilverBallet
Wow. People who are giving you crap for this are stupid. What do they expect from this website? perfect situations?
Idiots.
But yeah. At least he was attractive.
#127 - On 03/19/2009 at 9:16pm by uhohsammijo
How can you not tell he is a bum. Thats what i dont get.
#128 - On 03/19/2009 at 9:40pm by Shaynmaster55
Nonsense! You could not have met a homeless person and had sex with them TODAY only to drop them off the next day, and be writing a retrospective on the matter today.
yeah... how is it that you had sex with him today but dropped him off tomorrow? hes probably not homeless...hes probably the men in black be screwing with your memory. now we all know you're an alien.
#131 - On 03/19/2009 at 10:30pm by agentasuka
ahahah this sounds like a joke that Dayne Cook would say........
#134 - On 03/19/2009 at 10:39pm by newyorkbebe
Ahhh, totally reminded me of Arrested Development! When Lindsey tried to get with a guy and she realizes he's homeless. But he's actually an actor.
But it was still a lot like this.
#135 - On 03/19/2009 at 10:40pm by fishyfishy300
Goddang, you're one grody bitch. Hopefully you'll think twice before you spread like cream cheese.
#136 - On 03/19/2009 at 11:16pm by bigrederin
You're lucky he only stole bread and cheese! I mean lucky him, he got laid and was probably famished. Bread and cheese are both cheap and replaceable, if he stole a flat screen tv that'd be a little worse. It was your call sleeping with him anyway, just be thankful it was good and you have an apartment with bread and cheese. Besides, he couldn't have been too bad if you thought he was hot and he charmed you enough to take him home.
goddmit i am SO JEALOUS you get to tell the fucked-a-hobo story and i don't. the closest i have is when that hobo lived in my backyard and didn't tell me about it
obviously because of aids and all the std's out there its not smart to have sex with someone yu just met. butttt even more importantly why would you want a complete STRANGER to know where yu live- not safe.
Is "bread and cheese" a euphemism for virginity these days? I bet he stole it. I bet he did, indeed!
#141 - On 03/20/2009 at 2:52am by MercurialMadness
I work at a homeless shelter. Not all hobo's are smelly and mean! But still, have fun getting tested!
You got your lay, what's the problem?
The only real issue here is your stolen snacks, really.
#143 - On 03/20/2009 at 6:42am by Sucks_to_be_you
Yuck, you're nasty freak. Get testing.
Just like the rest: you didn't smell or see or notice anything??
at least he's attractive! and normal enough for you not to notice anything until he has stolen food from you.
#145 - On 03/20/2009 at 9:23am by mastercrammer
how is that FYL, you have a house and cheese and bread and he has jack. You should feel good for giving him a bed for the night
That's not FYL. He obviously didn't do anything wrong if you didn't have any inclination he was homeless beforehand. You're just being judgemental.
#149 - On 03/20/2009 at 9:53pm by LuckyCharms
And you didn't think to ask, "What do you do?" or, "Where do you live?" Definitely your fault.
#151 - On 03/20/2009 at 11:24pm by SIK07GTSTANG
that's what you get for being a slut. hope you enjoy that HIV.
#155 - On 03/21/2009 at 1:54am by inlimbo11
ouch i think you need to visit a clinic.. or a hospital. who knows what kind of diseases you could've contracted?
look at it this way. you made someone very happy. you gave them shelter for the night, you feed them, and you gave them sex. you are a very nice person that helped their fellowman.
didn't the hobo smell tip you off to the fact he might be homeless?
#159 - On 03/22/2009 at 12:30pm by Lazyninja420
You gave a bum a reason not to off himself. That sex was probably more therapeutic than any bottle of booze could ever be. What a sweetheart!
#163 - On 03/24/2009 at 4:25pm by Nakedsquirrel
Obviously it's a good idea to get checked out, but I'm not sure why everyone's acting like because you had sex with a random person, who turned out to be homeless, you must automatically have a disease. Has no one heard of condoms? They have quite a good track record, I hear. I have had one night stands, I always use condoms, and I don't have any diseases.
As far as the homeless thing goes, I think it's a good story. We don't really get many (any) seductive homeless people round my parts, but he must have been a nice guy or something, so I don't see the homeless thing as a huge deal - it's a FYL because you shagged a homeless guy? He stole BREAD from you; I'd say his life is worse.
I hate when people lie on this site.
No, its not possible
U said TODAY, ...
and then you said THE NEXT DAY...
STOP RUINING THIS SITE WITH YOUR STUPID LIES TO GET ATTENTION!!!!!!!
#165 - On 03/25/2009 at 4:56pm by TonyTonyTony
#130, #131 and #165
As a requirement on this website, anyone that submits a fml has to put 'Today,...' at the front and 'FML.' at the end.
#166 - On 03/27/2009 at 9:16am by youreawhore
How can you not know the difference between a guy trying to get into a club... and a homeless guy?
#167 - On 03/27/2009 at 2:33pm by CPTobvious
aww
that's kinda cute in a weird way
lol
well don't judge him
sometimes it might not be their fault yu know
if you really like him be there 4 him
if u don't..that sucks:p
#168 - On 03/27/2009 at 6:44pm by chocolatebabe88
ew you did a bum.
you should probably get a tetanus shot.
#169 - On 03/27/2009 at 11:05pm by loverabbit
I whole-heartily,
honestly, agree with #22.
Only I don't think you "kinda" deserved that.
I think you MAJORLY deserved that.
Sorry, but...
damn it, sleep with someone who actually means something in your life and visa-verse!
You fuckin shagged a hobo.
HAHAHAH
wow.
wow wow wow.
That blows. Literally.
I wonder how many diseases you have now.
O.o
#172 - On 03/31/2009 at 1:45am by wickedsick
You know I almost believed it up until the part where you said your bread and cheese was missing. How cliche.
#174 - On 04/01/2009 at 2:59am by yourmom1000
I'd be worried less about bread and cheese and more about STD's.
#181 - On 04/17/2009 at 1:36pm by welsknight
so...i'm not alone in thinking that some hobos are kinda hot?
#182 - On 04/22/2009 at 1:02am by mother_green7
Yeah, because the homeless aren't people and shouldn't be touched... /sarcasm. FHL
#184 - On 05/03/2009 at 1:11pm by christopherlove
i say FML only because you are without bread and cheese. i think its perfectly reasonable to casually sleep with someone without expecting them to take your delicious dairy and bread.
also yeah...get checked
This reminds me of Arrested Development.. Lindsay meets Tom Jane pretending to be a homeless guy while studying for a role...
I just want my kids back.
#191 - On 05/17/2009 at 12:51am by MajorTom85
If I were you, I would go to a clinic, STAT! -maybe 2 different ones, and get e v e r y STD test possible..... You should be ashamed... But, blame it on the alcohol, right??? No. Blame it on ignorance... FYL, and YDI..
#193 - On 05/23/2009 at 2:47am by athenaisgee1993
This FML totally sounds like an Arrested Development ripoff.
Episode "The One Where They Build A House", Season 2 episode 2.
http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi3566927897/
Sucks to have hooked up with a homeless guy. And getting your food stolen.
Like, great for all you politically correct and sensitive people, but it's still gross and you'd freak out if it happened to you.
#194 - On 05/24/2009 at 11:54pm by medusachic666
ew. thats so gross,you should practice abstinence :)
#195 - On 05/28/2009 at 7:49pm by black_barbie10
#192
As the homeless guy, or the unlucky/lucky chick? (Luck depends on perspective).
Meanwhile, OP - you live and learn. Could be fucking worse.
#197 - On 06/01/2009 at 11:48pm by necropalice
hey, don't judge. just because he is homeless doesnt mean he is horrible or insane or disgusting or disease ridden. he could be a good guy down on his luck or do it by choice. ever read into the wild? he was a bum but a thoughtful one and not a bad guy.
Wow, an attractive hobo? Having sex with you to get food? He should be a prostitute! Then maybe he'll be better off.
#204 - On 07/23/2009 at 7:15pm by epicfail13337
yeah thts just wow unhealthy much....ummmmmmmmmmmmmm go check to see if u have an STD. honestly cnt believe ur worried about yur bread and cheese bein gone
#209 - On 02/14/2010 at 8:48pm by roflmfaoxD123
