Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36981) - you totally deserved it (68109)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)
..Check the sock next time? I have a feeling you're from Australia though, they've got huge spiders everywhere down there.
Did the spider call you afterwords? If not, you must've be bad.
#12 - On 03/12/2009 at 4:56am by AnnStarfire
I agree with #2 and #13...
Say... to you wear those socks again after you washed them? Or you have special socks for it?
were you at least able to satisfy it? because judging by the fact your using a sock, you prolly havent been satisfying any ladies lately.
lol im just playin man hahaha
OH GOD!!!! My favorite FML thus far...So many possibilities with this one.
-you've created Man-spider ( Spiderman's new arch nemesis)
-the spider will now eat you in your sleep, since you have mated
-the spider might have laid eggs in your dack-hole=new urban legend...
-your next busted nut will consist of baby spiders and not sperm
-your next busted nut will consist of cob-webs
-you are the first man to have made love to a spider=new fetish
-FML from the spider..."After a long day, I was really tired and found a warm home in a sock. I was awakened by an earthquake..which turned out to actually be me getting raped by the biggest cock I have ever seen. FML !!"
#19 - On 03/12/2009 at 6:46am by The_Big_Guy
Dude...The spider FML was hilarious. Lmfao. The mental pictures...are so wrong... I love it! :)
#224 - On 06/30/2009 at 1:15pm by EvilAngelAshley
If man spider tried the same thing it would shoot webs instead of cum into the sock.
#235 - On 09/16/2009 at 7:39am by ccaswell
Holy fucking shit that had me laughing my ass off... :D
Btw, OP: Your life does suck, but YDI--after all, why would you masturbate into a sock? 0.o condoms work really nicely... or a fleshlamp, if you can get over the fact that it look like you're fucking a flashlight... :-P
#236 - On 09/25/2009 at 11:21am by timeoffire45
Poor spider.
"Today, I took a nap in my nice sock home. It's very nice, even though it was weirdly crusty today, but whatever. When I woke up I was being raped by some weird dick-looking thing, but it was almost as big as me!!!"
OP I hope you didn't get it pregnant. Tell your therapist I said Good Luck.
lmao you're supposed to buy the spider dinner before you have sex!
tsk tsk. bad manners.
was it a girl spider? O_o
#20 - On 03/12/2009 at 7:32am by HANGtheFREAK
whoa... talk about arachnophobia... now we got arachnophilia
#21 - On 03/12/2009 at 7:34am by KenMcGormick
I created an account just to comment on this - best FML ever!
+ Awesome comments by btopishere, AnnStarfire and The_Big_Guy!!
Ooooooh this could have turned out soooooo much worse
You're lucky it didn't bite you!!
:(
Yuck
And a sock?
Really?
#25 - On 03/12/2009 at 8:56am by bisous_bizoo
Dude... you should invest in one of those pocket pussies... That's horrible man, you've just started a new fetish, like that one person stated above.
#29 - On 03/12/2009 at 10:05am by Jack_Of_Spades
Almost the same happened to me a few years ago. I put a pair of underpants on and a few minutes later I felt a sharp pain in my balls. I quickly took them off and saw a spider half-crushed by my nuts, but alive enough to sting my testicles. It was one of the most intense pains I've ever felt in my life. Don't try it at home, kids!
#35 - On 03/12/2009 at 10:36am by csigabajnok
haahahaha i think this was a FML because of the fact that you jerk off into socks, not because there was a spider living in it.
#43 - On 03/12/2009 at 12:22pm by fcuk_mylife
Way to go, spiderfucker. This is why I always turn my spank sock inside out before I stick my jimmy in it.
HAHAHAHA this is one of my favorites, the comments too...
#50 - On 03/12/2009 at 1:19pm by m0nicam0nster
gonna laugh when she laid eggs in your dick
first male to need an abortion
#51 - On 03/12/2009 at 1:25pm by TheAntiComment
How filthy is your room if you have spider -infested- sperm -socks laying all over your room?
#53 - On 03/12/2009 at 1:38pm by alwaysalady
first of all, to the people who wonder why the OP was using a sock, he did so because it makes cleanup a lot easier. and the fabric probably feels good? idk, I'm a girl but one of my exes used socks.
also, that SUCKS! I'm terrified of spiders, if it had been me I would have had a panic attack or something.
@51: LOL! I wonder how probable that is.
#24: is a fleshlight a flashlight that you strap to your penis so that you can see what you are sticking it into?
#48: He was trying to be green. Think about all the trees you kill while pleasuring yourself into paper napkins.
#58 - On 03/12/2009 at 2:32pm by Ole_Stinker
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA. Omg #58's thing about being green was fucking brilliant.
#59 - On 03/12/2009 at 2:42pm by AnnStarfire
HAHAHAHAHA
Well, when you die you know you can say "yep, ive fucked a spider. What of it?"
#60 - On 03/12/2009 at 3:00pm by goshkoganwtf
Oh my GOD that is awful. I would have had a stroke right then and there.
All these comments are hilarious, though.
#62 - On 03/12/2009 at 3:04pm by CinnamonSpider
You masterbate into a sock so it oesn't spray all over your chest and when you have to get up or put your shirt down there is no evidence :P..... socks help
hahahaha #24
that is so bad, spiders are bad enough on your arm, i can't even imagine that...damn
#69 - On 03/12/2009 at 4:49pm by mrstanfords
@ #21 - arachnophilia, witty.
@ Anyone who asked the "Why in a sock" question, and this is sad because I'm a girl, it's supposedly supposed to feel good when you take it off.
And @ FML Poster, I agree your life is fucked. =D
Check to make sure it didn't bite you, you don't.. always feel it though you probably would have considering the situation.
AH that sucks dude.
Make sure it didn't bite you.
Because that would suck worse.
#72 - On 03/12/2009 at 5:28pm by broken_lungs
Clean your room more often or wash your socks more often. Wouldn't you like check first to make sure there wasn't like something else in the sock?
Yeah it would have sucked more if it bit you but thankfully it didn't
Okay, for one, a Fleshlight is a sex toy that replicates a vagina, not a flashlight that... lights up the penis.
Second of all, a sock creates easy cleanup; I could understand why OP did that.
Third: WHAT THE FUCK? A spider? This is why I'm super paranoid. I check everything for anything. You might want to start doing the same.
Silver lining: At least you didn't get bitten on the head, eh?
#76 - On 03/12/2009 at 5:44pm by Jessica19374698
aracnophilia is nothing new kids, welcome to the internet. Leave your all your delicate sensibilities at the door. :P
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA the fml was awesome but the comments made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt.
and i'm glad #33 noticed the same thing i did; the rhyming sentence made me giggle too.
#80 - On 03/12/2009 at 6:57pm by vvtumblesbee
#76- thanks for sharing your expertise on the subject of simulated vaginas (ba-zing).
#81 - On 03/12/2009 at 7:04pm by Ole_Stinker
you all feel bad for the spider
I feel bad for this guys mother, who has to wash his crusty and sometimes warm and wet socks
#84 - On 03/12/2009 at 8:55pm by TheAntiComment
lolol@19 & 4. totally true. this is weird to say the least. check your socks dude. just a head's up bud :)
i know i hate spiders but i still feel bad for it. if its a guy it will always feel small now, same if its a girl XD
#92 - On 03/13/2009 at 12:33am by lolurfuched
...ya know... if you can learn the fine art of pounding vag... you will never need a sock.. or spider again.. learn to please the ladies, the "sex" feels better and if done right you wont even have to do all that much work, depends on the gal. I think masterbation is a tool for the incompitent. find a chick to fuck you wont need socks of tissues or napkins.. you will have a condom quick disposable clean up or if your daring you can blow your load in her.. shell have the cleanin to do then. just something to think about. i swear if some men spent less time masterbating theyd spend more time getting laid. sex is like the lottery kid you gotta be in it to win it.. if your on the sidelines thats where youll stay haha go get fucked and leave the spiders be champ
At least next time you play "never have i ever" with your drinking buddies they'll get a big laugh when you're the only one taking a drink after saying "never have I ever fucked a spider"
for the future, kleenex > sock. (double-wrap if needed)
#101 - On 03/13/2009 at 10:07am by draccon136
HHAHAHA holy crap :P I laughed my ass off on this one
Well, your lucky the spider didn't bite your penis or anything :P
I'd have to say that is the most disturbing story I've read. Mostly because I hate spiders, and can't imagine having one near my yahoo.
A fucking SOCK!? Jesus Christ. And the spider info is just cringe-inducing
#111 - On 03/14/2009 at 12:39am by foolishwolf
jesus the thought of a spider on my cock just makes me shudder. i fucking hate spiders. i hope i dont have a nightmare of spiders biting my donger tonight
#112 - On 03/14/2009 at 7:59am by chuteboxe39
http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/9/9a/Epic_thread08s.jpg
Epic Link, NSFW
#113 - On 03/14/2009 at 1:58pm by 0zymandias
"Did the spider call you afterwords? If not, you must've be bad."
hahahahaha thats the best comment! did the spider call you afterwards... haha awesome.
I cringed when I read that. That is unbelievably disgusting, at least to me, because of my intense fear of spiders. I can't believe it didn't bite you. I would be so scarred.
#117 - On 03/14/2009 at 7:23pm by silentfirefly
@19 I laughed until I was teary. That spider's hypothetic FML is phenomenal.
#118 - On 03/14/2009 at 7:33pm by silentfirefly
#62 - Yes, you would have had a stroke. In fact, many strokes.
Also, if it bit you, you can say you were blown by a spider, which has to be a great ice-breaker at parties.
#121 - On 03/15/2009 at 12:06am by Gloeihdamae
haha maybe u should keep ur socks in a cleaner place...
#122 - On 03/15/2009 at 2:53am by blondie3689
hahahahahha just added this one to favorites. i love reading all the creative comments too.. daddy schlong legs??? hahahhahahah
#123 - On 03/15/2009 at 10:41am by formosababie
OH MY FUCKIN GOD!! I can almost feel that happen to me. I had to grab myself cuz that just sounds ......AHHHGGG!! Oh god I would die if that happened to me. Shit I feel bad for u
#130 - On 03/16/2009 at 9:37am by Ambigray101
OH MY GOD , this is AMAZING , HAHAH .
i hope you don`t WEAR them after .
#132 - On 03/16/2009 at 8:36pm by beebe_monster
Socks are pretty great, not going to lie. You know, no mess, more pleasure, but its a one time use 'til you wash em again.
Spank socks? Inside out? Ew, you're touching dried sperm man!
And yeah- If a spider was by my cock, I would die.
DIE
ewww bro. I could never wear that sock again. Plus wtf ur gonna get rug burn on ur dick.
#139 - On 03/17/2009 at 6:51pm by nyyfan4613
As for the fella that wrote the FML from the Spider's perspective; He's very right.
No matter what any woman will ever say to you, you can always shoot back with "Oh yeah? That's not what the spider in my sock thought!"
...
Unless, of course, you were intending to have follow-up sex with this woman, at which point I would just grin and bear the jokes.
yeah since you masturbate into socks, a spider is the ONLY thing you're gonna fuck....maybe your mother?
#142 - On 03/18/2009 at 3:32am by GoochSweat
Oh my god! How horrifying for you! *shudder* But why a sock?
#143 - On 03/18/2009 at 3:44pm by MusicalXLies
Best FML ever! I laughed, I cried... BTW, hope u didnt catch any new spidy-STDs, that would suck!
#146 - On 03/19/2009 at 7:25am by devianceguru
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #19 the last one AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
and i feel sry for you dude, but that is kinda weird, i understand finishing into a sock, but not useing one the whole time
Funniest FML i have read yet. There are tears running down my cheeks. That includes the comments, too. For example, as #19 points out, this wasn't exactly a walk in the park for the spider either. LMFAO
I understand wanting to masturbate into an old sock 'cause it absorbs, right?.....but maybe look inside first next time? You always gotta be careful when it cums to sx and anything related. Lol Srry for you and the spider though... :l
i agree #8 nd #19 hahahaha brilliant. nd did u lose "it" 2 a spider, nd y a sock. wldn't it like just leak thro. ugh jeez thts funny yet sick. lol, nd did u kno tht u made a rhyme nd ya tht is seriously off topic
#153 - On 03/20/2009 at 7:28pm by candiigirl456
dude... number one, why a sock? number two, where do u live that u get spiders? and where the hell do u leave ur socks?
I literally lol'ed at this... good plot line for spiderman whatever number we're on, haha
#155 - On 03/20/2009 at 11:26pm by make_my_day
- Never have I ever fucked a spider.
Your fingers would go down ;D
#156 - On 03/21/2009 at 9:54am by ETFQT8U
I'm sorry about your luck but I couldn't stop laughing at this. =D
#157 - On 03/21/2009 at 12:48pm by Cjfogler13
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
This one is DEFF my fave of all time!!!!
#19 those are all great!!!!!!!
BTW, how does a BIG spider crawl into a sock?
#158 - On 03/22/2009 at 12:19am by GNR23
and when i find out it layed eggs..
coming up next on Oprah, the world has yet another pregnant man.
#161 - On 03/22/2009 at 9:00pm by mylifeisfuckeddd
LMAO @ #19
Love that you decided to fill us in on the spiders FML that day.
HAAAAAHAHAHA.
#162 - On 03/23/2009 at 3:12am by Infamous_TGZ
o.o' You sir, have just been initiated into the ranks of FAIL.
Alright, alright, i lied. you get a man point for not cutting your dick off, like I would have had I found a spider on it while fapping.
Regardless, ew.
#165 - On 03/24/2009 at 10:25pm by podrummer9209
#19 - LMAO!!! HAHAHAAH
SpiderMan - Wow... Thats... interesting? =)
#172 - On 04/01/2009 at 6:22pm by lifesux_luvktae
If I were in your shoes and had a penis
I wouldve freaked the f*** out
#174 - On 04/02/2009 at 12:45am by Shadesville
you should've enjoyed because its probably the closest to getting laid you'll ever get
#177 - On 04/04/2009 at 3:10am by h8crewdeathr0ll
I think he was having a few strokes, #62, but he must have been too rough if the spider didn't stick around for a Cig after wards.
#179 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:38am by TimelessBrowsin
I would say you're lucky that you didnt put the sock on your foot, but a spider bite on your foot is a LOT less awkward to explain to a doctor than a spider bite on your junk lol. ROFL at #4!!!!!!!!!!!
#181 - On 04/09/2009 at 3:16pm by AkihiroHattori5
Haha, Arachnophillia, that's witty. But I have a question for the poster. You cum into a sock, so do you shit into a shirt? Oh, and another one. Do you have to pay child support?
#188 - On 04/19/2009 at 9:33pm by ScorpionSheets
I don't get the concept of fucking a sock....it's dry and it's probably dirty cause you're not going to unmatch a clean pair...lol. You might as well fuck sand paper. And I wouldn't go around telling people you fucked a spider. That can be a buzz kill with the ladies... do you think spider man is going to be born from this incident.
1. Bestiality is not the answer dude
2. Who uses a sock?
3. Where have your socks been to have spiders go into them?
did anyone else notice it was submitted by someone name SPIDERman
#192 - On 04/23/2009 at 10:36pm by Mrsuperman
hahahahahahahaha oh my god thats fuckin hilarious.
omfg bahahahhaha i just cried i laughed so harddd like it prob wouldnt have been as funny if you hadnt worded it that way "basically i just fucked a spider." ahhahahaaha omgggg.
#193 - On 04/24/2009 at 8:34pm by ftsk_fan_12
Holy shit that is so fucking hilarious! I'm sorry, but it's true.
Spiders *shudder* ugh
i dare you to wear those socks again.
I will laugh in your face if it bit your dick
#19 LMAFO!!!!!!!!!! (yeah yeahh ino it's lmfao but im weird like that...... suck on that bitch)
#194 - On 04/24/2009 at 8:47pm by LifeSuxUrBalls
#63 most guys i know dont masterbate when their 12 they really only start to masterbate when they have porn or something from their brother or dad or something like that
#197 - On 04/28/2009 at 11:52pm by shortyshort
the sock is the perfect cum cotton, especially if you're in college and have a roommate in a dorm, etc. you just spill your load into the sock. easy clean up. you don't even have to get undressed. just whip it out of your fly, give it the necessary pulls and then slip a sock over it for the final release. i'm 28 and still find this a best practice if you don't feel like getting jiz on yourself. you can then roll the pair of socks up and drop it into the hamper like nothing happened.
#198 - On 05/01/2009 at 4:04pm by CaptainObvious81
i bet the spider was waiting for u to do that with the sock?
#200 - On 05/02/2009 at 11:19pm by xxcheesyxx
Haha, funniest FML ever!
Loved how it rhymed xD
And SpiderMan, LOL.
#201 - On 05/04/2009 at 6:09pm by browniemcgee
Best FML ever.
Loved the rhyming first line(:
&SpiderMan? Ha.
#202 - On 05/04/2009 at 6:11pm by browniemcgee
i created an account just so i could favorite this one! ahahahahahahah
#210 - On 05/16/2009 at 11:14pm by likeewtfzoya
I wonder if your when your dick will start shooting webs.
#211 - On 05/21/2009 at 5:45am by redbluegreen
Spiderman is not going to be happy when he finds out that u had sex with his girl frieng O_o
#212 - On 05/23/2009 at 9:49pm by Planetsp00n
lol i agree with #33! read the first sentence a 2nd time wayy more funnier, & rhyms : P FYL
#213 - On 05/24/2009 at 1:31am by roughheart
lol poor spider " OMG WTF IS THIS THING AHHHH!H! * is being rattedled around inside sock*
#215 - On 05/26/2009 at 5:06pm by Quarentine514
To all the guys who fuck socks, please, think of your moms when they're doing the laundry. It might be convenient for you, but you're (most likely) not the ones doing the laundry.
#218 - On 05/28/2009 at 9:53am by Asdas
If you rearranged the words in this FML it could rhyme and sound like a poem. Could you imagine? A poem about sex with a spider xD
#220 - On 06/01/2009 at 1:24am by KippyNittles
dude rly i liked spiderman dude rly SPIDERMAAN IS SOOO MUCH BETTER NOW he acculy had sex wit a spider and now might have spider children
wahahahaha yes im another one of those people who after reading this HAD to create an account : )
imagine 20 years later him talking to his wife..................you aren't my first love..........and i have other kids
i hope you didn't knock the spider up!
that'll be awkward..
#223 - On 06/06/2009 at 9:19am by LittlexoMe
was that a girl or a girl spider?
oooh! new discovery!
gay spiders!
now they don't have to risk getting eaten..
That's what you get for masturbating,dumbass. Get a life and a real girlfriend,you piece of shit fag
#229 - On 08/05/2009 at 12:15am by FreakOnaLeash
you do know that a lot of people that have girlfriends still masturbate right?
#233 - On 08/21/2009 at 5:40pm by IUsed2
Do you know that the impulse to eat comes from the same part of the brain that gives you the impulse to relieve yourself sexually? Yeah, stop trying to be an internet tough guy. By the way, there are spaces between punctuation. That includes commas.
ewww i fucking HATE spiders :/
you must have no life since you masturbate into a sock.
WTF is wrong with you ?!
#241 - On 12/28/2009 at 8:55pm by terriibabiiix23
if the spider bit your dick then you could have a super powered penis! you could call it arachnidick! and it shoots sperm in webs and has tiny little sticky hairs on it. ouch. lol just be careful it doesn't bite ;)
#242 - On 12/31/2009 at 8:35pm by minenotyours
