Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML
Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML
Today, I pulled up to a red light. My ex was in the next car, and my car's windows are so tinted that you can't see through them, so I flipped him off. I was driving my mom's car. FML
Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML
Today, my girlfriend tried to cover my eyes while I was driving on the main street, all because she caught me looking at an ad featuring bikini-clad girls on the bus ahead of our car. FML
Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom's boyfriend jacking off. The worst part was that he didn't stop. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in his car when things got hot and heavy and we decided to climb in the back. After we finished we started to put our clothes back just as a someone's brights flooded into the car. It was a cop, and he had been there the entire time. FML
Today, I got lost in a car park, late at night, unable to find my car. I started panicking, so I called my dad. I sat down to catch my breath. After about 2 minutes, I heard a noise. I looked up to see a guy jerking off while watching me. He smiled, so I instinctively threw my backpack at his junk and he ran off. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
TotallyAradical 14
That chick's got some mad skillz.
mattlw 25
Im so sorry you all had to see that. I will buy her some tinted windows.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (55)
TotallyAradical 14
That chick's got some mad skillz.
ElementaryEdGuy 18
Who said it was a chick?
lilhellian 26
"Jerking off her passenger"
TotallyAradical 14
The fml does.
Spike300 12
The OP said it was if you read again
Shrike 23
Well, it clearly says "jerking off HER passenger" in the FML. Sounds like you need to go back to elementary school, errr... ElementaryEdGuy. Edit: Beaten to it, huh... *jerks off to divert attention*
ElementaryEdGuy 18
Lol, I can't read.
ElementaryEdGuy 18
If it makes you feel better, I gave myself a thumbs down.
klovemachine 24
My wife jerked me off on our way Florida last week :)
lilhellian 26
So you're the one who op saw!
klovemachine 24
My car is red, so it wasn't me OP saw :(
lilhellian 26
Op could be color blind! :p
then000bster 16
Usually women aren't colorblind.... Good try.
BubbleGrunge 18
Just because women aren't usually color blind doesn't mean OP isn't! :)
jkmartinjk 16
A red car would not look blue to a colourblind individual.
HiIAmKevin 8
I was in this situation last year...except I was the lucky passenger! My gf=great multitasker haha
AKGirlinSD 20
1, she only has "mad skillz" if the car she's driving is a manual. Handling 2 sticks with one hand is pretty impressive!
AKGirlinSD 20
70, my ex is partially color blind. To him, blues and greens are all the same, yellow and orange are the same, and pink, purple and red are the same. Thanks for pointing that out.
A7XCamaro 19
74- "mad skillz" only counts if she was doing both while getting up to speed.
andrew6p 19
22, No one wanted to know what ut wife did to you
roxxyfoxxy3 25
-70 There are people who see different colors, shades, and textures then other people. So while it may be red to one person, it could be blue to another! I should know, considering my eyes see two different shades :o
DudeEvil 22
She's gonna cause an accident!
ydi_4_suking 20
Seriously! It could get all over the guys clothes.
niezen 4
You ma'am are a nut case.
VorpikeII 17
Turn the inside of the car white! The amount of money they'll have to spend on cleaning after... Jeez!
BloodMonger13 9
shoulda yelled at her that that's not the stickshift
mattlw 25
Im so sorry you all had to see that. I will buy her some tinted windows.
NeinKittenz 20
Can I have tinted windows too? Oh and ill take a car for my tinted windows afterwards.
pacmanman 15
Hopefully she didn't "jerk" in your lane afterwards!
soulebelius 17
LAME!
TheBrochure 22
*LANE!
chanellgymnast 17
Hope you guys weren't distracted and jerked into their lane!
Thr33to16 8
You have failed your "about me."
bamagrl410 31
Wow, two "jerk in your lane" comments in a row. Fail x2.
NewYorkMexPR 14
Multitasking at is finest !
CerealKiller528 0
Well I gotta hand it to you, that was quite the situation.
SystemofaBlink41 27
Hands down, one of the most talented women I've ever heard of in my entire life! However it all comes down to opinion...
Sandman366 6
Don't think that's the stick she needed to shift...
Cupcake040 17
So the question is what's worse masturbating or texting while driving?!
DudeEvil 22
Well she wasn't masturbating, she was giving a hand job. To text you have to look at your phone but you can look at the road while giving a hand job... so maybe it's not as bad. Just pay she can multitask good. :P
perdix 29
#13, sadly, both are still legal in Florida. They tried to pass anti-texting bills but were blocked by objections from the big telecoms. Anti-hand-job legislation has been stymied . . . by all men!
mangoboy1 19
They should start making commercials for masturbating while driving like they do for texting while driving.
Cupcake040 17
Thanks 20 I got the fml.....I'm not illiterate. But let's be real if you were masturbating yourself or another person would you be able to hold full attention on something else???
DudeEvil 22
Relax 50, I wasn't serious about it being ' not as bad', don't take my comment seriously. :)
smartguy13v 2
Who said anything about masturbating and driving? Either way it isn't hard to do. Not that I'd know.... xD
kianaaa32 17
And that, my friends, is why window tints were invented.
White_like_dat 3
Hands at 10 and 2!!!!!
MWidderAUDI 14
10 and 2 and he blew