Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML
Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML
Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML
Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML
Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML
Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
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Top comments
Barhinder 9
You could say she was having a hoot.
Pleonasm 35
Did you know "too hot to hoot" is a palindrome- you can say it backwards and it reads the same way.
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Comments (83)
Saone_fml 27
... That must have been a strange owl. Where they muffled owl noises? Now i'm imagining people making all kinds of animal sounds during sex...
fml121785 14
I curious what made you realize it wasn't an owl. Was it when it hooted "haaarrdddderrrr" or "oh riiiight there"? This is how I imagined it... HOoooo oo oo ooooo oooooooooooo Oh yeah! An owl! Let me try and locate it! It seems to be coming from this way.... HOooooo Fuuccccckkkkk Yeaahhhhhhh!!!
Druu 53
"Hooo Hooo Hoooo Hooooo's my daddy?!"
Barhinder 9
You could say she was having a hoot.
Pleonasm 35
Did you know "too hot to hoot" is a palindrome- you can say it backwards and it reads the same way.
DyslexicPanda 12
I'm glad you included the definition of palindrome cuz I was way too lazy to look it up.
Pleonasm 35
You learn something new everyday. Weird Al Yankovich taught me everything I needed to know about palindromes.
SoSickWithIt 14
Did you know, that the average head weighs 8-10lbs, and that if your hand is bigger than your face you are more susceptible to cancer, and also, a very well known fact, saying "gullible" very slowly, almost sounds like saying gummy bears. :F
KiddNYC1O 20
Hoot times. =]
Harshdfml 14
Hey Google.
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
what awkward sex noises to be making...
edd1987 9
You can't imagine lol
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
I'm imagining 'fuzzies' making animal noises...
DerrickJames 33
Not awkward at all. Who.. WHO... WHO'S MY DADDY! This is normal for us men to hear while in bed.
Jiinxx 8
46 - at first glance I thought your profile pic was Robert Pattinson..
igive 29
And if have seen avatar, the main character's avatar looks like Robert Pattison.
7yzz 18
"hoooHOOoooHOoooooh OOoooo hOOOOhoOhoooooooo hOOO!!" what the ****.
drkrissy1331 12
Mom and dad have been watching wild kingdom too often!
perfectflower 12
It's the circle of life
Tuffay 14
29- I tried, but it kept coming out as Elmore Fudd!
iLuvsIt 10
That has to be an awful realization to have.
BlowinChronic 18
Yeah must have been since it's on FML.
PenguinBitch 43
First it sounded like whistling, now it sounds like an owl. Your mother's quite fond of birds eh?
HowAreYouToday 34
I'm just wondering why Oedipus has an FML account.
edd1987 9
Lmao your mom is having fun!!!!
twinkiefeets 17
The elusive white tailed sex owl.
DocBastard 38
I've heard of a lot of strange sex noises, but yelling "WHO! WHO!" is not one of them.
sugarshane007 20
Unless its, "WHO WHO'S YOUR DADDY! WHO WHO!"
redbluegreen 40
"Who are you? Who, who? Who, who?"
iloveandy143 7
Ooh, ooh sounds close enough.
MiscHats 14
If I recall correctly, there was another FML that talked about a "night bird" that turned out to be another mother's sex noises. Starting to notice a pattern here...