Miscellaneous: You wanker! - FML

You wanker!

By Nik - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 295

You deserved it 4 523

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Same thing different taste

By kinky - 05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 640

You deserved it 37 989

By whovian221b - 25/08/2015 22:46 - United States

Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 960

You deserved it 2 141

By johnny121 - 01/01/2010 19:14 - France

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 036

You deserved it 2 657

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 167

You deserved it 37 092

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Spicy

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 001

You deserved it 27 421

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 362

You deserved it 4 047

You OK hun?

By notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 124

You deserved it 3 329

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 200

You deserved it 56 609

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 520

You deserved it 62 894

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Spicy

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 422

You deserved it 739

Next

Top comments

BellTink 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 23:15

well....did you?

lmfp 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 10:05

A) how would she know? B) how is that even possible?

Comments

BuMbLeBeE_46 0

Saturday 1 August 2009 22:50

oh i love your mom

whiteboy77 0

Friday 1 October 2010 23:27

but chuck Norris' bones don't break?

maddybaddy 0

Wednesday 5 August 2009 21:24

You must have some messed up techniques if you broke your wrist...lol whoa. Hahaha

cmac86 23

Saturday 15 August 2009 5:28

dude, take it easy- nice and soft man, you dint want to break it. I wish I could say the latter for your wrist.

xxbaxter310xx 0

Friday 21 August 2009 19:47

I'm surprised you didn't break your **** first

WhyworldWhy 0

Sunday 4 October 2009 5:19

did you?

whoeffincares 0

Friday 9 October 2009 8:23

your mom rocks

DynamicDave 11

Friday 23 October 2009 15:52

Lmfao @ 28 and 32!!! @OP: Your mom is a legend

youngboss_fml 2

Friday 30 October 2009 5:32

damn u go hard

Kristie_2009 0

Wednesday 9 December 2009 0:07

I wish my mom was like that...

Compass 0

Wednesday 20 January 2010 20:57

Is it true? You should't lie to the doctor anyways. They can treat you for something else. How the **** did you break your wrist masturbating? My sister has *fractured* it falling on it on concrete at an awkward angle. You must jerk it like you can't even feel anything.

Shafreeka 8

Saturday 30 July 2011 9:58

A "fracture" and a "break" are the same thing. The differences are the degree of the break and so on, such as if it is a "complete" break all the way though the bone or a "hairline" and is just a crack in the bone (which most people think is what a fracture is). A "Break" is a average joe term, and "fracture" is the true medical terminology. Sorry for the rant. That is all.

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The Top

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 195

You deserved it 7 090

Today, I started a sport journalism degree. I was the only woman out of 60 students. The lecturer started talking about how we should all aspire to become sports editors of national newspapers. Later, he said women have no chance of ever becoming sports editors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 647

You deserved it 3 115

The Top

Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 536

You deserved it 2 851

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 006

You deserved it 15 233

Today, my now ex-boyfriend told me the only reason he has stayed with me for the last 6 months is because of the Netflix account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 953

You deserved it 383

Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 004

You deserved it 47 728

Today, I realised how poor I am when I found myself fishing out a two dollar coin someone had left behind in a public toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 513

You deserved it 6 697

Today, my boss explicitly told me to demolish a half-built house that was 50 feet too far from where it should have been and was actually on someone else’s land. I knocked it down, then it turned out to be the wrong one, and my boss threw me under the bus and swore he’d told me to demolish the other house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 109