Wanker and Intimacy: Weirdo - FML

Weirdo

By concernedsis - 04/02/2016 14:53 - United States - Atlanta

Spicy

Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 735

You deserved it 1 843

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 23:01 - United States - Parkersburg

Spicy

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 692

You deserved it 3 065

By ellarose - 10/04/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, I walked over to join a group of friends and heard them talking about how hot some guy was but how ugly his sister was. I asked who they were talking about and there was an awkward silence, they hadn't realized I was there. Apparently, they were talking about my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 938

You deserved it 3 266

Privacy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 888

You deserved it 252

By Spawn_of_Satan - 27/03/2009 15:18 - Hong Kong

Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 122

You deserved it 7 426

By Anonymous - 26/11/2013 13:07 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my little brother from his friend's house. When I got there, he ran off screaming that he didn't know me. His friend's parents believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 968

You deserved it 3 243

Baseless assumptions

By afafakfhsg - 19/02/2011 00:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 378

You deserved it 12 094

By mr.palendrome - 06/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 429

You deserved it 28 099

By why - 28/07/2014 01:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 699

You deserved it 5 525

That's that, then

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 08:02

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 557

You deserved it 200

By Anonymous - 05/12/2015 03:55 - United States - Portland

Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 359

You deserved it 1 711

Next

Top comments

jen1097 25

Friday 5 February 2016 1:06

Let's hope it's just gossip...

Warmonger_Smurf 29

Friday 5 February 2016 1:40

Did he also do it in a drug test cup?

Comments

jen1097 25

Friday 5 February 2016 1:06

Let's hope it's just gossip...

kred 21

Friday 5 February 2016 1:07

Giggity......

IAmzephyr 22

Friday 5 February 2016 3:04

with all these downvotes, looks like you're getting shrekt

Dale_shackleford 13

Friday 5 February 2016 4:34

At least your pun is ogre

Thoricsteam20 24

Friday 5 February 2016 1:09

They're all a couple of jerk offs

Garrett2818 21

Friday 5 February 2016 4:05

They're all two jerk offs?

chuka81 27

Friday 5 February 2016 1:12

I've heard of peeing to mark your territory. Not much different from jerking of really.

krazy789 28

Friday 5 February 2016 2:38

.... What??

supr_sexy 9

Friday 5 February 2016 21:05

OP's brother is trynna mark his territory.

isuckwithnames 22

Friday 5 February 2016 1:18

It Takes balls to do jerk off in every house you visit.

heartofhannah 28

Friday 5 February 2016 4:26

You tried

weird_adult 27

Friday 5 February 2016 1:19

Is your brother a hound dog by any Chance?

LyricaSilvan 29

Friday 5 February 2016 1:39

I think you mean "horn dog."

nickie_94 18

Friday 5 February 2016 1:20

You might want to warn your brother about those rumors

silky_mitts 11

Friday 5 February 2016 1:20

Probably happens a lot in Georgia

Kaoticwolf 17

Friday 5 February 2016 1:36

there's a kid named Ben that jacks off everywhere just hope it's not him

nerovetsrethca 20

Friday 5 February 2016 1:40

I hope it's just a rumor. But maybe tell or ask your brother about it. Rumors most of the time start with something little and gets bigger and faker everytime its passing someone.

Keywords

Health Poopoo peepee Jewelry Awkward Family Kids Fight Love Relatable Students Work Animals Birds Sleep Noise Mental health Contraception Medication Racism Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Food Revenge Cats

The Top

Today, a man yelled at me for what seemed like an eternity when I told him his child wasn't tall enough to ride a roller-coaster. His daughter was about 3 years-old. The coaster is the second tallest in the world. I deal with morons like this every day, at minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 119

Today, a person I've never met called me a whore and spat on me. Why? Because I was babysitting for my neighbors and answered the door for two well dressed women passing out religious pamphlets. I politely declined to take any. Apparently being a 15 year-old girl caring for a toddler makes me a sex worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 60

The Top

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 059

You deserved it 10 514

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 240

You deserved it 89 661

Today, I gave my friend condoms since he didn't have any and he was planning on "getting lucky." Little did I know he was planning on "getting lucky" with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 638

You deserved it 5 823

Today, I got the hiccups while my dad was yelling at me. He then said, “You’d better stop hiccuping or I’m gonna kick your ass!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 115

Today, I realized that over the past few months, I seem to be getting more and more prone to bumping into things, and tripping over nothing. I'm also apparently more prone to getting injured when this happens. I've always been uncoordinated, but this is getting out of hand. I'm falling apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 113

Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 210

You deserved it 2 783