Miscellaneous: Today, my Dad and I killed a cockroach with a large metal pole.... - FML

By Anonymous - 03/05/2012 03:29 - United States

Today, my Dad and I killed a cockroach with a large metal pole. It was the most bonding experience we have ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 371

You deserved it 2 649

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Same thing different taste

By youngboob - 21/10/2014 15:42 - United States - Topeka

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 208

You deserved it 3 687

By tiredmom - 07/07/2016 15:03 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my son found a cockroach in his bed. I had to kill the thing and wash all his sheets and stuffed animals before he'd finally agree to go back to bed, three hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 333

You deserved it 1 574

By Anonymous - 19/03/2012 00:49 - United States - Dansville

Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 967

You deserved it 4 101

Hi guys

By unemployed - 11/07/2016 19:09 - United States - Modesto

Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 255

You deserved it 804

By cockroach - 27/09/2009 15:52 - United States

Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 320

You deserved it 16 744

YAAAAAAAAAAAASS

By shat - 12/12/2015 07:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 977

You deserved it 2 496

By Heartbroken - 20/06/2011 02:17 - United States

Today, I spent 2 hours making the perfect card for my dad for Father's Day. When I handed it to him, he smiled and said "Thank you" and then killed a fly with it. I found it in the trash a couple of hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 364

You deserved it 4 302

By CockroachCluster - 02/06/2018 01:30

Today, I turned on my A/C for the first time in a couple of months. A family of ginormous cockroaches climbed out of the air vent and a few clumps of dead cockroaches fell to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 110

You deserved it 482

Very fishy

By Bryce - 10/05/2020 02:00

Today, my dad and I went fishing. We both got a bite, but when we went to reel it in, both our hooks were in the catfish's mouth. He pushed me in the mud and took my hook out its mouth so he could say he caught it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 228

By Anonymous - 26/09/2013 16:19 - United States - East Hampton

Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 751

You deserved it 3 608

Next

Top comments

FlashBurn 13

Thursday 3 May 2012 8:20

I used to play with those as a kid... I was odd, lol. Use Boric Acid! They squirm in agony before they die. Then use the corpse as an example for other roaches who debate invading your place.

DontClickOnMe 28

Thursday 3 May 2012 8:25

Was the large metal pole necessary or was it just more fun that way? I'd hate to see a cockroach big enough that can only be killed with a large metal pole.

Comments

bacon1043 3

Thursday 3 May 2012 8:40

bitch

bacon1043 3

Thursday 3 May 2012 8:44

Chill, im just here trollin cuz i got no life

jerseyboy732 16

Thursday 3 May 2012 8:45

17: don't go callin random girls bi*ches. act like a real guy and have some respect

XHerobrineX 4

Thursday 3 May 2012 8:48

Wrong comment thread?

LennyComa 39

Thursday 3 May 2012 8:50

Why not use you boot to kill the cockroach, go for a beer at the pub, go to a sports game or work on a project together

Jonkbaby 22

Thursday 3 May 2012 8:56

how'd it taste or did you stuff and mount it

DespairFaction 11

Thursday 3 May 2012 9:05

Maybe you should take a more active role in forming a relationship with him. Even if it is hunting roaches.

Kwolfe 7

Thursday 3 May 2012 9:07

Why is everyone concentrating on what OP used to kill the bug? How about how sad it is that OP doesn't have a quality bond with their father.

taera 8

Thursday 3 May 2012 9:08

If this happened when he was very young it could be a great bonding experience. Otherwise, not so much.

Loly19 8

Thursday 3 May 2012 9:15

What a sad family

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Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that mine and her father's wedding is just a big joke, and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 056

You deserved it 3 116

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said, "You know? I like little girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 360

You deserved it 61 103

The Top

Today, I went on my first date in a year or so. It was going great, but after we left the restaurant, we went back to her place, where I was quickly chased out of the house by her two daughters, and her grandfather with a shotgun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 142

Today, I'm ending a 35 year marriage. In the last few months, my husband has told me that he has been preferring porn to me since before we were married, he has had multiple affairs, he always knew his family was toxic and messing with me. Oh, and he wants us to, "Move on and have a happy retirement together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 129

Today, my creepy 12-year-old neighbour stood on his trampoline, looked over my fence and started waving a large net around, chanting my dog's name. Now I'm scared to let my dog outside alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 482

You deserved it 2 029

Today, a friend of mine borrowed my car, drove it on drugs, fell asleep at the wheel, and smashed it. Don’t worry though, he’s fine, but my car was described as a “write off”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 271

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 380

You deserved it 4 049

Today, I accidentally called out the coworker I have a crush on’s name in bed instead of my wife’s. The thing is, thinking about her is the only thing that will keep me hard and brought to orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 1 335