Animals and Dogs: Tasty

Tasty

By chew toy - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I went to see my sister and took a couple of dog biscuits for her dog. I forgot about them until later when I realised I had a hole in my pocket, near my crotch. The dog pointed this out by chomping my balls to get to the biscuits. My attempts to remove him resulted in more vigorous chewing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 539

You deserved it 927

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

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Same thing different taste

Snappy

By DamnDogs - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work as a groomer's assistant, my boss said something that I didn't catch as I went to take a leash off a dog. I looked at my boss and said, "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 733

You deserved it 5 726

By bigscarypuppy - 22/08/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, my sister went into early labor. Instead of telling me, my mom turned to my dog and said, "Guess what? You're going to be an uncle!" Our dog ranks higher than me in our family's metaphorical food chain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 595

You deserved it 3 244

The left hand, the right hand

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I was out walking my dog. I was throwing a stick in the lake so he could go get it (he loves swimming). A friend called me. After I was done calling, another friend came by, and we talked for a while. When my dog barked, I accidentally threw my iPhone into the water instead of his stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 826

You deserved it 42 487

Naughty girl

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice, then we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside, she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 054

You deserved it 3 802

Instant cure

By Username - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 571

You deserved it 4 941

Surprising

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 20:00

Today, my younger sister had some friends over at ours. I was in the shower but was horrified to realize my clothes and towel were gone. Figuring that she took them, I tried to make it to my room without being seen, but one of her friends came up to use the bathroom. She saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 104

You deserved it 311

Second class citizen

By crapped on - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, who said she was too busy to talk to me. When my sister asked her who was on the phone, she replied, "The dog sitter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 547

You deserved it 4 255

The ending of Lost explained

By Morgan - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 858

You deserved it 30 042

Customized

By gss - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 507

You deserved it 2 275

Zit remedy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 188

You deserved it 7 335

Lobby_Bee 17

Thursday 25 May 2017 13:37

I cringed just reading this. I hope there is still some of your manhood left.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 25 May 2017 16:20

Give the dog a boner!

Comments

Tarlachia 33

Thursday 25 May 2017 13:29

Talk about blue balls...

Arashikage 18

Thursday 25 May 2017 19:19

You use that word, but I don't think you know what that means

MidnaLink 33

Thursday 25 May 2017 21:14

Well, if they're as bad as it sounds, they'll be black, blue and purple. Just hopefully not green.

Lobby_Bee 17

Thursday 25 May 2017 13:37

I cringed just reading this. I hope there is still some of your manhood left.

brenton490 19

Friday 26 May 2017 20:30

I cringed too and closed my legs as well my friend. I'm pretty sure they tucked their self in too...

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 25 May 2017 16:20

Give the dog a boner!

Rebecca Stockert 16

Thursday 25 May 2017 16:38

the ol hole in the pocket trick eh

idk_rose 25

Thursday 25 May 2017 20:16

Look on the bright side! This is my new favourite FML.

lazymaximus 11

Thursday 25 May 2017 23:29

maybe consider wearing underwear?

Nicholas Ortiz 4

Saturday 27 May 2017 1:41

I laughed more than I should have at this post ??

Lucy Vesquez 12

Sunday 4 June 2017 7:23

I guess the dog went NUTS :D

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Health Awkward Jewelry Kids Fight Family Love Relatable Students Work Sleep Noise Animals Birds Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Teenagers Friends Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Food Revenge Cats

The Top

Today, it's been a week since my mother died. She had no life insurance and was over $20,000 in debt, plus her hospital/funeral bills. My father wants nothing to do with me as she was a one night stand and he never paid child support. I'm behind on rent and bills because I'm injured from work. Thanks for nothing, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 143

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 246

You deserved it 589

The Top

Today, I started a new job. The hours are long, but I didn't mind as I could REALLY use the overtime. Turns out, they don't pay over time. I'm just expected to go "above and beyond for the company." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 522

You deserved it 257

Today, honestly, I feel like my life has lost meaning. At some certain point I have lost all emotion and am just covering myself with a mask of happiness. It feels like I’m just trying to escape my own reality, with my parents on the verge of divorce. Somewhere in the last few months it’s been getting worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 123

Today, my boss came back from a 2 week vacation. I was the only one covering for him, and I did an excellent job. It was my chance to get a promotion. I actually improved his sales while he was gone. But the only thing he noticed was that I killed his plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 187

You deserved it 5 153

Today, I went to buy some makeup. As I was checking out, the cashier said, "You're going to need more than that to cover up that face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 244

You deserved it 3 020

Today, my boyfriend told me I was almost perfect. And the only reason I'm not completely perfect is because I don't like Mountain Dew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 353

You deserved it 29 688

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked nice in my profile picture. I began to reply "Aww, thank you!" until he sent another message saying "Mostly because your face isn't in it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 555

You deserved it 2 882

Same thing different taste

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