Love, Poopoo peepee and Cute: Good news!

Good news!

By CaseyFpC85 - 11/09/2011 15:13 - United States

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 451

You deserved it 7 988

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Same thing different taste

By poopydaddy - 03/05/2013 11:32 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 862

You deserved it 5 656

By Anonymous - 15/09/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 177

You deserved it 4 385

The bed is lava

By for better or for farts - 06/08/2020 23:01

Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 394

You deserved it 198

Double whammy

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 16:00 - Argentina

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 74

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 05/03/2010 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 694

You deserved it 3 658

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 17:30 - United States

Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 479

You deserved it 10 356

By actually just constipated.. and stupid - 04/03/2015 15:03 - Tunisia

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 356

You deserved it 37 966

By Annakins - 06/06/2010 18:31 - United States

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 232

You deserved it 7 083

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 763

You deserved it 40 903

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 22:08 - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 454

You deserved it 12 271

Britttx26 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:00

You got yourself a winnnner!:)

hombrepollo 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:06

I don't wanna break it to u, but ur not the father...... It's chipotle

Comments

bdair 1

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:29

Shes a keeper..

nonamericandolla 6

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:30

That's a really disrespectful for the baby! Sheds bad mother!

hommiecogley 8

Monday 12 September 2011 16:53

It's not a real baby. She just made a joke. So calm down and take a chill pill or something.

TheKeatonator 5

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:30

I'm already in love with her!

harlequin360 3

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:36

awesome! name it mr. hanky

lorenacabrona333 2

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:50

Who doesn't want a broad that can make jokes like that?? Lmao

Joey44 15

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:51

She's hilarious.

mzwhitaker85 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:54

that is something my husband and I would joke about

smhlqnick 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:57

That's gross

KK3137 31

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:57

I kinda like it... I find it funny :D except probably not in your situation though... but still :D But I'm not sure you're the dad...

CiaranPM 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:58

Why is this an FML? She's just being funny.

Keywords

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The Top

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 12 192

You deserved it 37 238

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I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 142

Today, I opened my email expecting to see messages from my friends and family wishing me a happy birthday, but there were none. There were Happy Birthday messages from Pizza Hut and Victoria's Secret, however. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 915

You deserved it 4 377

Today, my wife is so determined to keep me on my diet that, as I'm off work for the next week, she has gotten rid of all the food in the house. She has also taken the phones and iPads so I can't order a takeaway, and taken all my trousers so I can't walk to the shops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 630

You deserved it 2 538

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I agree, your life sucks 38 650

You deserved it 4 360

Today, for about the fifth time, my neighbors parked blocking my driveway. After parking across the street I stuck a note on their windshield reading “Nice park job asshole“, only to find out that their nephew just passed away and everyone was gathering to go to the viewing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 634

You deserved it 53 795