Poopoo peepee and Animals: Don't call the cops - FML

Don't call the cops

By Elizabeth - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a walk. I like to crush acorns as I go. One nut was actually a piece of dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 601

You deserved it 27 116

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By BaliTheDog - 24/03/2013 23:01 - France

Today, I was walking my dog when he stopped in the middle of the street and took a dump. I looked around furtively but saw nobody, so I just kept walking. I stepped in it on the way back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 014

You deserved it 97 549

Fresh air

By Ceecee - 22/03/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, I took my dog for a walk in the park. I was enjoying the fresh air until my dog spotted a squirrel and took off running. I ended up getting dragged through the mud and had to walk home covered in dirt and scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 235

By lbg2msf - 06/11/2013 18:08 - United States - Biloxi

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 839

You deserved it 9 494

Handful

By Mary - 19/10/2009 01:11 - France

Today, I was walking my dogs when I noticed one of them had found something, and was eating it. After my command to "drop it" went unheeded, I took it upon myself to scoop it out of her mouth with my finger. After getting it all over my hand, I realized it was a piece of another dog's poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 827

You deserved it 6 933

Pick it up

By Cassie - 02/05/2011 00:21

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 388

You deserved it 50 965

By AD240Z - 16/12/2016 11:39

Today, while walking my dog in the darkness, I bent down to pick up his poop. I screamed like a little girl as his morning turd leapt up my arm, covering my hand and jacket sleeve in soggy poop. My dog had curled one out onto a dozing frog. I skipped breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 599

You deserved it 641

By mhmohyeah - 10/11/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I was jumping on every crunchy leaf on the sidewalk. I went especially far out of my way to step on one only to notice it didn't crunch right. I looked closer, it was a dead bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 768

You deserved it 18 465

Can't see for shit

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 14:02

Today, I was out walking my dog. After he took a dump, I went to pick it up but my glasses fell right in his poop. I didn’t have tissue, just the plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 225

By themanzz - 08/10/2010 12:08 - Canada

Today, I was helping my Dad pick up the pieces of bark that came off the tree that we'd just cut down. I bent over to grab a dark looking piece of bark. Turn out it was my dogs crap. Fresh, warm, moist piece of crap to be exact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 556

You deserved it 8 637

By gera3gera - 07/10/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 803

You deserved it 4 121

Next

Top comments

may_cause_fail 0

Monday 27 April 2009 3:29

Well, you were wearing shoes. WEREN'T YOU? I'd hardly call this an FML.

applecake 0

Monday 9 March 2009 9:36

I did the pinecone-crushing thing too; but stepped on a banana slug and slipped.

Comments

applecake 0

Monday 9 March 2009 9:36

I did the pinecone-crushing thing too; but stepped on a banana slug and slipped.

pommeblossom 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 5:36

AHAHAHHA

McButterpants 0

Wednesday 1 April 2009 19:58

One might say you're a 'Shit disturber'. GET IT!!! AAAHAHAHahahahahosjlhsgaknmgdf... lame

may_cause_fail 0

Monday 27 April 2009 3:29

Well, you were wearing shoes. WEREN'T YOU? I'd hardly call this an FML.

pingpongdj 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 12:34

he could've been wearing slippers? lol.

MissFreshx7 0

Friday 5 June 2009 4:10

lmfao you deserved it ! watch where yer goiin.

Humanoid_fml 0

Monday 8 June 2009 21:38

You can crush acorns by stepping on them? Do you weigh half a ton?

Link5794 18

Tuesday 30 October 2012 17:21

Tiny, hollow, dried up acorns. I sometimes do that, too.

Guitarist45 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:49

this isn't an fml

Malajustice 0

Thursday 17 September 2009 15:57

Heh, something like that happened to me when I was a kid. I was kicking at fallen leaves, and one of them turned out to be dog shit. I was wearing my new pink sneakers at the time (gimme a break, I was 6) and my mom made me throw them out :(

dude_sweet 0

Wednesday 6 January 2010 22:44

hahaha yeah fyl

llScarlFacell 0

Tuesday 30 March 2010 2:28

I love it when someone fails.

Keywords

Health Poopoo peepee Jewelry Awkward Family Kids Fight Love Students Relatable Work Animals Sleep Birds Noise Mental health Contraception Medication Racism Relationship advice Cheating Pregnancy Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Intimacy Sex Revenge Food Cats

The Top

Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 136

You deserved it 72 916

Today, so… you know how sometimes girls give the weird guys a chance and it works out beautifully and they marry, have kids, and live happily ever after. Yeah, didn’t work for me. I gave the weird guy from work a chance and he asked if he could lick my armpits on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 119

The Top

Today, I finally had sex with my new boyfriend, well… penetration anyway. Turns out, he has premature ejaculation, and no idea how bad at sex he is. He actually thought he did a good job by lasting 20 seconds. He was done after 4 thrusts and was somehow confused. I didn't orgasm either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 653

You deserved it 381

Today, I came out to my mom as a lesbian. She told me that it was impossible, because since she isn't one, she therefore couldn't have given birth to one. She still won't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 618

You deserved it 4 072

Today, when I came home from work, I saw my wife in nothing but black boots and a Santa hat. My boss and coworker were with me. I now have guys wanting to have a threesome with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 520

You deserved it 6 417

Today, I attended a speed dating evening. After 7 minutes, the girl told me she wasn't interested. I asked her at what point of the conversation she had made up her mind, she answered: "When you said 'Hello'. Goodbye". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 283

You deserved it 2 452

Today, I went over to my mom’s place to attempt to help her clean up, as she’s a hoarder. I was devastated to see that in order to make room for all the unnecessary new crap she buys, she stored all of our childhood toys, photos and the like outside in uncovered bins. It’s all completely ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 116

Today, after I tried to plan a surprise party for my friend, and a series of miscommunications and accidental reveals, it turned it into a surprise party for myself. I walked into a room filled with people shouting, "Surprise!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 156