animals

Nature ain't all that great

By Beaten by deer - 18/04/2026 06:00 - United States

Today, an adorable deer got into the yard, so I went to pet it. It jumped on its back legs and started flailing its front legs around, kicking the crap out of me until I curled into a ball crying. I'm so bruised, I can barely sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 579

Dirty boy

By Anonymous - 17/04/2026 05:00 - Mexico - Puebla City

Today, I discovered that one of my dogs has taken a liking to rolling over his own poop. I found out by petting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 69

Good girl

By Bento DaCosta - 12/04/2026 15:00 - United States - Arlington Heights

Today, my dog went on a walk for the first time. 90% of the walk was spent removing leaves and grass from her mouth, and she didn't want to go back home. I think she thinks she's a cow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 114

Baby come back

By chuchundra - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 988

You deserved it 8 096

Spray it

By catwoman - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 432

You deserved it 5 585

Check this out

By :,< - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 691

You deserved it 2 687

Night killer

By Tom - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Israel

Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 817

You deserved it 3 674

Bad doggo!

By coral - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 027

You deserved it 12 552

Link please!

By barbecued goat anyone? - 05/04/2026 14:00 - United States

Today, I borrowed a goat from a coworker to clear out an overgrown section of our yard. It worked great, except for the part where the goat butted me on my ass. Of course my wife was filming and laughing, and later put it on Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 309

At the car wash

By hold your horses pony boy - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 443

You deserved it 14 013

Goldfinger

By itzcorinnelove - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking my aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed a few doggy bags to pick up the poop. As it turns out, the bag had a small unnoticeable hole in it, that grew bigger as I fit my hand through it. I ended up using my hand to pick up the poop and didn't realize it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 497

You deserved it 12 828

I'll give you 30 quid for one clarky cat

By allykat - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Brampton

Today, I bought my cat a fun toy at the one of a kind craft show. It has catnip in it, which he loves. He flipped out, so I took it away. He won't stop trying to break into the cupboard I put it in. My cat has a drug problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 535

You deserved it 5 880

Do not come

By booearns - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I visited my doctor upon coming home from University. I found out that I'm severely allergic to our pet bunny, which has resulted in a rash taking over my body. She suggested that we get rid of the bunny. I told my mom. She told me to come home less often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 284

You deserved it 3 257

Vicious bastards

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Runcorn

Today, I decided to go for a jog to try and get fit. I definitely got my exercise in, because I was mercilessly chased by a goose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 253

You're welcome…

By craphanded - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 082

You deserved it 9 319

Bad boy

By DogBeater - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I've just moved into a new apartment. It's also the day my big baby of a dog stepped on a rock and began yelping when I tried to touch his paw. He "suddenly" felt better after I carried him inside. Now everyone thinks I'm beating my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 377

You deserved it 916

Creepy

By scared-straight - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 073

You deserved it 4 462

Where'd you go?

By omgjessp - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 959

You deserved it 4 063

Fierce kitty

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Miami

Today, I'm in training at an animal shelter. There's an adorable tiny kitten there, which my boss said not to touch because it's feral. "No way he's dangerous!" I said, reaching into the cage to pet it. It struck like a cobra and tore up my arm. My first on-the-job injury is from a KITTEN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 301

You deserved it 32 525

Baby Bird

By bird problems - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, since I've been paying attention to my newborn, my pet cockatoo learned to cry like the baby on the middle of the night. I haven't gotten more than four hours of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 623

You deserved it 2 827

Redecorating

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Amersham

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months moved into my apartment. I had never been to his place because his roommate was a drug addict, so it came as quite a surprise when he brought three taxidermied cats with him, insisting that I let him mount them in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 508

You deserved it 12 663

Reflex

By romea244 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 813

You deserved it 27 348

Heeeeeelp!

By baddoggy - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to pick up my dog from the vet after she had surgery. I somehow managed to lock my keys, my purse, and my dog in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 290

You deserved it 23 855

Oh no…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dog proudly brought home a rabbit he'd killed. The same rabbit that belongs to my neighbor's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 694

You deserved it 4 756

Impressive

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 761

You deserved it 19 564

RIP

By anonya - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Madera

Today, I made the mistake of telling my dentist that my dog died. She spent the next half-hour talking about her pets and how they died. I ended up crying in her dentist's chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 229

You deserved it 3 182

Tiger-ed out

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Truckee

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 760

You deserved it 5 521

Morning!

By whydoihavecats - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 847

You deserved it 2 733

Never enough

By crazycatlady - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 616

You deserved it 18 621

Long day

By Heww - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumped on my lap and vomited all over my doughnuts, stared at me, then bit the doughnut out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 772

You deserved it 5 467

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The Top

Today, I missed my University entrance exam because of heavy traffic. I was stuck at one intersection for over an hour. The real kicker? It took me less than 10 minutes to drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 091

You deserved it 3 309

Today, while giving a lecture on gender equality in the workplace, a woman yelled from the back, asking me why I'm not out starting a war somewhere. I stopped talking and tried to pinpoint her in the crowd, which she took as a sign to snort and call me a pussy. Nobody would back me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 240

You deserved it 2 776

Today, I was waiting in the car for my roommate to come outside so we could get to work. He was taking his sweet ass time. And there was a large wasp flying around. And I have a fear of bees. And the window refused to roll up. I sat there, frozen in fear, until he finally came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 239

Today, I realized I'm trapped. I might be heading into an abusive relationship that I won't be able to escape, but I can't leave because then I'd break his heart and I love him too much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 1 107

Today, I told my mother I was doing fine with my classes when I actually wasn't because her mother is dying, and I didn't want her to have more things to stress about. She found out and she's very hurt. I feel awful about it and I know lying wasn't the right thing to do, but in the moment I didn't want to cause her any more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 225

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 674

You deserved it 2 953