Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML
Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at a party when I noticed a spider the size of a golf ball on the toilet paper roll. I screamed, tripped over my own feet trying to flee, and fell right into the bathtub. Everyone at the party heard. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
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Top comments
Draconium 8
Technically someone WAS being murdered. Spiders have feelings too. ;_:
kitkat2701 18
That must've been awkward to explain...
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Comments (95)
kitkat2701 18
That must've been awkward to explain...
puggypark 14
The spiders will be coming for you OP
PuggieKid 22
At least you have caring neighbours?..
justmeandmycatss 9
umm… yes. "Your neighbor has a complaint about noses heard that sounded like someone was being murdered. May we come inside?" "Uhhh…"
Sports_guy3 28
Someone WAS being murdered. ;-)
Draconium 8
Technically someone WAS being murdered. Spiders have feelings too. ;_:
TourettesGuyFTW 25
In this case, the feeling is flatness.
caohm 18
when a spider of any size is that close to anyone its just primal instincts say CRUSH! KILL IT! SMASH IT! until you pulverized it so bad you can't tell what it used to be.
KingreX32 21
spiders are the spawn of Satan.
swaggalikethat 22
When you put it that way #2, then Op IS a murderer :0 CALL THE POLICE (again) THERE'S A MURDERER ON THE LOOSE!!!
154rct 7
"Hey, my family is cold, can we sleep in your bed tonight? Or squish my wife...that's cool to."
Sports_guy3 28
OP: "Why am I going to jail?! I didn't murder anybody!" Police: "Yes you did. The spider."
Wizzlbang 10
Actually, the fear of spiders and most insects is a largely culturebound thing, largely restricted to the western world. Which is weird, considering that's where all the most harmless spiders are.
omgomgomg_NO 13
ah, the webs we weave...
ebonyirony 29
"What a tangled web we weave"
Rainhawk94 27
Killjoy
Tikmysta 20
Oh no, you didn't Brilliant!
karatekid97 17
Okay, I feel like a follow up story is DEFINITELY needed here.
Dracoboxer357 35
Confucius say no use cannon ball to kill mosquito. The point? You over reacted. :p At least using a cannon can justify having several minutes of drama attached to the actual act. ;P
Faff 20
i feel like every single person on this site has anxiety.
whyisitme12 19
Confucius is why I'm failing history, why does he have to be so complicated!!
avi_7 9
poor spider
fakedsincerity 32
incy wincy will climb up the water spout no more. RIP. :(
awilliams44 9
No just the spider....
transcedental 18
I can imagine the white outline of the spider's tiny smashed legs.. and how the police officers examine the murder weapon. Heh-eh.. what's wrong with me.
Welshite 39
Cause of death: blunt force trauma.
Aussieinusa 5
I wonder if the police took Ops fingerprints?
Welshite 39
They had to check the mandible records of the deceased so they could inform the family. Tragic, absolutely tragic.
KVKdragon 26
I imagine a highly publicized trial will take place soon after. This is not a Stand Your Ground situation since the spider merely walked by without criminal intent or purpose and the OP killed it in cold blood ;)
saraitkddh 47
I would have done the same bugs scare the hell out of me
fooltemptress 36
I would love to see the look on the officers' and your neighbor's faces when you explain what really happened.