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Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom busted in my room to ask if I'm okay because she thought the squeaking was my crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

#70419
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24475) - you deserved it (57451)

On 02/18/2009 at 6:01pm - intimacy - by dirtyhands (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my father came back from a business trip in Canada. He handed me an "I Love Canada" pen. He brought back an xbox 360 for my younger brother. FML

#70401
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61388) - you deserved it (2858)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:59pm - misc - by lalalee (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend, he is 6'2 and i am 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess started openly flirting with him, and asked him if he needed a booster chair for his daughter. FML

#70392
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73436) - you deserved it (4477)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by not-so-young-shortie (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was home alone tanning in my backyard which is fairly secluded. I took my top off and laid there for awhile before I looked over and saw the UPS guy standing at my gate with a package because nobody answered the door. I looked horrified and he said not to worry, he'd seen better. FML

#70171
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41257) - you deserved it (7772)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by mediocreboobs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML

#70124
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27453) - you deserved it (54146)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by swtkiss1 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML

#69964
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44227) - you deserved it (3434)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:09pm - kids - by Spotted (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response: "Lucky you." FML

#69948
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50985) - you deserved it (20859)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:07pm - intimacy - by sadguy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, when I visited my grandmother at her nursing home, I was looking at pictures she had of all the grandkids. All were normal graduation pictures etc. but mine was a cutout where she made me skinnier. FML

#69853
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34483) - you deserved it (3365)

On 02/18/2009 at 4:55pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing." FML

#69472
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (107461) - you deserved it (9839)

On 02/18/2009 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by notsohappy (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I complimented my mom with "Hey, I think you lost some weight." She replied with "Yeah, I think you found it." FML

#69443
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42679) - you deserved it (6097)

On 02/18/2009 at 4:09pm - health - by Kristina (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was feeling really upset and called my boyfriend. He said "Can you feel upset a little later? I'm watching a movie." FML

#69146
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39203) - you deserved it (5338)

On 02/18/2009 at 3:35pm - love - by noname (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I walked in on my mom changing. She was trying on a thong my boyfriend bought me for Valentine's Day. It looks better on her. FML

#69080
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44176) - you deserved it (4223)

On 02/18/2009 at 3:26pm - misc - by wnrz (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was secretly listening to a voicemail from my mom in maths class when I accidentally hit the speaker phone button. My whole math class now knows I have a gyno appointment at 9:45 on March 11. FML

#67507
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13000) - you deserved it (43419)

On 02/18/2009 at 10:43am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Kentucky)



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