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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I just finished having dinner with my boyfriend, so I leaned over to him and said seductively, "How about some dessert?" Obviously, he didn't catch my tone, because he then looked at me and said, "Babe, you really don't need it." FML

#274634
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66159) - you deserved it (8552)

On 03/11/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by marshmallowssss (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to exchange presents for our birthdays. I spent $100 on perfume and Victoria's Secret clothes. She bought me a bag of lifesavers, then asked me to leave because she wanted to take a nap. FML

#274093
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71056) - you deserved it (4792)

On 03/11/2009 at 4:46pm - love - by cdick (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I walked behind a girl I hooked up with last weekend while she was on the computer in the library. I noticed she was looking at my facebook page and got excited. Then I heard her say to her friend, "This is the one smallest penis I have ever seen." FML

#273753
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67941) - you deserved it (8582)

On 03/11/2009 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML

#273030
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29987) - you deserved it (65499)

On 03/11/2009 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by SoggyPancakes (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I tried to prove to my dad that he snores by secretly putting a tape recorder under his bed. I soon found out my parents had sex that night. Apparently, my mom likes to talk dirty. FML

#272262
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33981) - you deserved it (90420)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:57pm - intimacy - by Zack (woman) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have our first "Cybering" experience. I downloaded Skype per his instructions, and hooked up my cam. Just as everything started getting hot and heavy, I farted. He stopped and frowned. I had no idea it was a video AND voice program. FML

#271992
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18896) - you deserved it (85092)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:35pm - intimacy - by awkwardgayboi (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, It took me over 3 hours to cut out little letters for an event I'm putting on. It took the wind less than a second to blow them all over campus. FML

#271855
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47831) - you deserved it (14935)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by wotwzombie - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to online to find out why my midterm grade is for my least favorite class Psychology. After weeks upon weeks of studying and doing work for a class I hate I found out that I have a zero in the class. Turns out I've been going to the wrong psychology class all semester. FML

#271677
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36195) - you deserved it (59704)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:07pm - misc - by absentminded (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a man on the train asked me if i had any change. I quickly responded with "no habla engles". He then tapped me on the shoulder and said "That would've been a lot more believable if you weren't reading that paper." FML

#271640
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11673) - you deserved it (128152)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:05pm - money - by nthor (man) - United States (New York)

wesayxsummer's comment : it would also be more believable if you used correct grammar.

See all the comments →

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

#269325
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55060) - you deserved it (4996)

On 03/11/2009 at 9:38am - misc - by powsser (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while showering in my dorm, a hand reaches through the curtain and grabs my ass. I hit the person on the other side of the curtain. He opened the curtain thinking that I was his girlfriend. He apologized and he had sex with his girlfriend in the shower stall next to me. FML

#268539
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68469) - you deserved it (3051)

On 03/11/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML

#268093
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59640) - you deserved it (15265)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by nickyniknaim93 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my Father over top of me saying "nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burgler and he knocked me out. FML

#268069
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52185) - you deserved it (8515)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Noname - United States (Pennsylvania)



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