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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML

#3155973
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47866) - you deserved it (9109)

On 06/23/2009 at 8:56pm - love - by Jerf (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice, we were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes she asked me "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?". She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

#3154627
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44368) - you deserved it (3413)

On 06/23/2009 at 8:08pm - misc - by Jpah (man) - United States (California)

Today, my car was impounded because I never registered it in California after moving here. In order to get it back, I need to register it. In order to register it, I need to pass a CA smog check. In order to pass the smog check, I need my car. FML

#3153262
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51985) - you deserved it (12896)

On 06/23/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by nicklesg (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a gas station and I went to the bathroom. Thinking some was already in the bathroom, I waited for ten minutes while people lined up behind me only to find out that it was empty. FML

#3152991
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9978) - you deserved it (46871)

On 06/23/2009 at 6:52pm - misc - by cmac1229 - United States (District of Columbia)

effmyyliifee's comment : high aspirations

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Today, at the bank, I went to get some coffee from their machine. I gave it my money and pressed the buttons but nothing was happening. After banging on the machine for ten minutes and calling a teller over, a little boy reached up on his tippy toes to press the giant green START button for me. FML

#3145872
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9244) - you deserved it (59257)

On 06/23/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by Tygastyle (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, It took me more than 4 hours to set up the back yard for my daughters baby shower. It only took my husband one push of a button to turn on the sprinklers. FML

#3143801
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45672) - you deserved it (3577)

On 06/23/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by stew (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave I decided to give him one last thrill. So I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out, when I asked why, he points behind me, my mom watched the whole thing. FML

#3143292
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25174) - you deserved it (68320)

On 06/23/2009 at 11:14am - intimacy - by wastedlove (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

brooklyngirl's comment : Stop fucking in your mom's house.

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Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML

#3142518
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28405) - you deserved it (80619)

On 06/23/2009 at 10:19am - work - by uneek14 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML

#3141332
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53167) - you deserved it (3972)

On 06/23/2009 at 7:31am - misc - by feelinblue (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my little nieces and nephews were about to have a water balloon fight. I was told to take pictures. They hit me. And my $600 camera. FML

Today, my daughter used pledge to clean the wooden staircase. I found out when I tried to walk down them in socks. FML

#3137998
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43803) - you deserved it (4668)

On 06/23/2009 at 2:12am - kids - by FastFlight (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bicurious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML

#3137659
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55086) - you deserved it (3411)

On 06/23/2009 at 1:28am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



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