Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML

by ballnchain / 03/30/2010 at 12:04pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend. His best friend called and said he just beat God Of War 3 and that my boyfriend could borrow it. He got up, got dressed, ran to his car and told me I could walk home. FML

by xxlexi_lovexx / 03/29/2010 at 12:20am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I got dumped because I was on my period. Apparently he was pissed because I have one "like, every single month." FML

by drsyl54 / 03/28/2010 at 5:04am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML

by pumpkinlover89 / 03/27/2010 at 4:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy

matt1337c's comment : They're so gay. Was it hot?

See all the comments

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML

by Haley. / 03/26/2010 at 7:58pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I got through to the phone interview stage for a great job. When the phone rang, I answered and suddenly, spontaneously, burped really loudly. The interviewer hung up. FML

by urrrppp / 03/26/2010 at 5:44am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Work

Today, I got locked inside my office again by my co-workers because they had forgotten I was still around when they left. This happens 1 or 2 times a week. FML

by Tee / 03/26/2010 at 4:48am / Work

Today, when I was trying to break up with my boyfriend, I told him how I needed space and time to think. His response was, "Ok, we're out of condoms anyway." FML

by d / 03/26/2010 at 3:31am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house. She had promised me we'd get it on so I couldn't wait. When I got there, I didn't get it on. Instead, I got a list of reasons why I make her depressed. FML

by bad boyfriend / 03/25/2010 at 9:50pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I just had a phone interview with a college. The lady asked me to spell out my password to a site so she can access my test scores. The password was "dick." FML

by uhoh901 / 03/25/2010 at 7:07am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, while having sex, I tried to kick the blanket over my feet and kneed myself in the face. FML

by ouch / 03/25/2010 at 4:00am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, my sister's boyfriend came over to the house. I thought I would be nice and cook them both a dinner along with my own. Mine took a little longer to cook, so they ate before me and went back to her bedroom. I ate alone to the sound of them having fun. FML

by lonelyniceguy / 03/24/2010 at 7:50pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I caught my dad spanking my mom with a spatula. The same spatula I use to cook my eggs every morning. FML

by suckstobeme / 03/24/2010 at 11:00am / United States / Intimacy