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Man or woman?

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

#9438
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43998) - you deserved it (13055)

On 02/05/2009 at 8:23am - animals - by #201 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got fired from my job. I worked for my parents. FML

#9285
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33987) - you deserved it (8840)

On 02/05/2009 at 6:41am - work - by fml (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to the doctor's office because I was sick. The male nurse led me back and when he weighed me, he said "Why do I get all the beefy girls today?". FML

#9160
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27755) - you deserved it (3992)

On 02/05/2009 at 5:05am - health - by makinascene (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML

#9051
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48423) - you deserved it (7001)

On 02/05/2009 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Barrel - United States (Missouri)

Today, I walked past a man handing out miniature Bibles on my way to class. He handed me one, commenting "here, you look like you need this." FML

#8842
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19376) - you deserved it (3959)

On 02/04/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by Michigan (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

#8816
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45228) - you deserved it (16108)

On 02/04/2009 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by PlayTag (man) - United States (California)

Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML

#8789
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42996) - you deserved it (3253)

On 02/04/2009 at 7:40pm - kids - by teach - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML

#8687
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31354) - you deserved it (12054)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:29pm - animals - by EpicFail (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

#8630
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43372) - you deserved it (2018)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:04pm - intimacy - by Sleeper_C3ll (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I discovered my mom has over 20 sites bookmarked on her laptop, all having to do with 'How To Boost Your Insecure Teen's Confidence' or 'How To Help Your Overweight Teen Have A Positive Self Image'. Thanks, mommy. FML

#8629
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26906) - you deserved it (5846)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream." FML

#8528
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27889) - you deserved it (1780)

On 02/04/2009 at 5:23pm - misc - by 918boyz (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, it was the first time I ever saw a vagina in person. It was during medical school training on how to do a pelvic exam. FML

#8388
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47606) - you deserved it (8844)

On 02/04/2009 at 4:24pm - intimacy - by medstudent (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I bought a jacket with real fur on it. Turns out, i'm allergic and now my ears look like they have herpes on them. FML

#8356
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10036) - you deserved it (39733)

On 02/04/2009 at 4:05pm - health - by BritneyFink (woman) - Canada (Quebec)



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