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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML

#249390
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53991) - you deserved it (3939)

On 03/09/2009 at 2:15am - work - by unsatisfied (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

#249220
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44756) - you deserved it (11624)

On 03/09/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by Abandoned (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in a restaurant with my best friend. We had just competed in a pageant together earlier this month. A lady comes up to my friend who got first alternate and said,"You were robbed of that title. You deserved to win. I hated the winner." I was the winner. FML

#248293
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47921) - you deserved it (5010)

On 03/09/2009 at 12:16am - misc - by frosho (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

#247252
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54720) - you deserved it (11652)

On 03/08/2009 at 10:53pm - kids - by monty (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I went to an Honors Convocation for my school. I received a letter a few weeks earlier telling me I received an award. Surprised and proud, I invited my family to join me to see what award I was receiving. I couldn't find my name in the program. I was invited by mistake. FML

#247185
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49274) - you deserved it (2451)

On 03/08/2009 at 10:48pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

ohmygolly's comment : You know I'm in love with this chick Because it seems we really click There's no room for doubt I think I'll ask her out Wait... did you say she has a dick?

See all the comments →

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

#245374
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66331) - you deserved it (21527)

On 03/08/2009 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by lovewedge (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know!" FML

#245096
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46620) - you deserved it (37562)

On 03/08/2009 at 8:00pm - work - by Ricky (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

#245062
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63448) - you deserved it (19537)

On 03/08/2009 at 7:57pm - misc - by poop - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was walking down the street when I passed a construction site. All of the workers started making a fuss and whistling, etc. Naturally, I got very flustered. I stood still for a second and faced them. One yelled for me to move because I was in the way of a girl at a stop light. FML

#244881
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58713) - you deserved it (12619)

On 03/08/2009 at 7:40pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I called up the boy I like to ask him on a date. He said "Haha, thats a pretty good impression Chris. Next time pick someone less ugly and maybe I'd think this is real." He thought I was his friend prank calling him. FML

#243947
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81889) - you deserved it (4326)

On 03/08/2009 at 5:58pm - love - by Depressed (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

#243465
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42517) - you deserved it (17696)

On 03/08/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by serverdessert - United States (Maryland)

Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML

#243241
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39051) - you deserved it (11417)

On 03/08/2009 at 4:35pm - misc - by fashionVictim (woman) - United States (New York)



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