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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my father, who I rarely see, drove 400 miles to my wedding. I was so happy to see him, until he got completely trashed at my reception, asked me where he could "score some weed" and told me what a bitch my mom was and how I needed to lose weight. For over an hour. At my wedding. FML

#907483
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74613) - you deserved it (3551)

On 04/10/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by JeezyCherieze (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I finally bought the toy my two year old son always wanted. He would always tap on the TV when the commercial for it would appear. I give him the present, and he starts playing with the bag. FML

#907158
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39958) - you deserved it (8922)

On 04/10/2009 at 8:37pm - kids - by Bob (man) - United States (Texas)

RyanRaygun's comment : The only reasonable explanation for this is that you are a clown and before you went to the doctor you tied your penis up to look like a poodle.

See all the comments →

Today, I went out to eat with some friends. They picked a table that wasn't big enough for all of us. I had to sit in the booth behind them. Alone. FML

#904638
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68648) - you deserved it (4244)

On 04/10/2009 at 5:39pm - misc - by yum. - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was babysitting a five year old boy. Somehow the topic of relationships came up, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. When I told him that I was single, he got all excited and asked if he could be my boyfriend. It would have been cute except he was the first guy to ever ask me out. I'm 18. FML

#904176
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60384) - you deserved it (5565)

On 04/10/2009 at 5:07pm - kids - by boyfriendless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML

#903514
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16200) - you deserved it (44871)

On 04/10/2009 at 4:07pm - misc - by Brittany (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked over to join a group of friends and heard them talking about how hot some guy was but how ugly his sister was. I asked who they were talking about and there was an awkward silence, they hadn't realized I was there. Apparently, they were talking about my brother. FML

#902555
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48690) - you deserved it (2766)

On 04/10/2009 at 2:46pm - misc - by ellarose - United States (Maryland)

Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out he's my cousin: priceless. FML

Savvy89's comment : Hey in some places its okay to do that. MORE POWER TO YOU! handle your business. btw if you will spend that much money on me for a date, ill take you out =D

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Today, I was pulled over for not having my car inspection up to date. I had my car inspected two weeks earlier. Since I'm at college my sticker was mailed to my home. My mother didn't want to pay the 42cent postage so now I have to pay $250.00 because my mother is cheap. FML

#902369
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57410) - you deserved it (3770)

On 04/10/2009 at 2:39pm - money - by Stickerless (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while lying next to me, my boyfriend smiled and told me, "I really like your eyes. They're pretty." He paused and then finished with, "They really help your face." FML

#901241
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50748) - you deserved it (3584)

On 04/10/2009 at 1:13pm - love - by ruvru - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML

#901011
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63166) - you deserved it (3089)

On 04/10/2009 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I ordered a pizza over the phone from Pizza Hut. I turned at the store and waited for over 25 minutes. When they saw me sitting there for such a long time, they eventually asked what i was waiting for. I'd called the wrong Pizza Hut. FML

#900061
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10124) - you deserved it (52178)

On 04/10/2009 at 11:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML

#900029
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66195) - you deserved it (3010)

On 04/10/2009 at 11:35am - kids - by mandy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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