Today, within 20 minutes of waking up, my dad gave me a pained look and said: "Uhh, turns out your laptop isn't waterproof." FML

by shal4 / 11/27/2015 at 12:55pm / Money

trulypar's comment : Apparently, it's not "dad proof" either.

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Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2015 at 10:52am / United States (Ohio) / Love

crossl16's comment : I don't even want to imagine what he'd do if you accidentally brushed up against him

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Today, I was in a play and had a battle scene. I got a little too into it and wound up twisting my ankle. The audience was treated to me screaming like a little girl before face-planting the stage a moment later. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2015 at 10:28am / United States (New York) / Health

StartAnew's comment : Because "break a leg" was so last season.

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Today, I went clothes shopping. I took my little daughter into the dressing room while I tried some clothes on. She somehow managed to open the door while I was changing. A lady outside then bitched me out for "exposing" myself to her kids. FML

by streaker? / 11/27/2015 at 9:21am / Germany (Niedersachsen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent half an hour trying to convince my husband not to re-enact a video he saw online of a guy tying some rope to a running chainsaw, then swinging it around his head. He finally agreed not to do something so stupid. A few hours later, he did it anyway. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2015 at 7:50am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boss confirmed he is a micro-managing asshole. We walked into the office together and I turned on the lights. He switched them off and switched them on again, just to make sure that I did it right. FML

by fabz / 11/27/2015 at 7:39am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Work

Today, I had a boyfriend who wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. When I came home, I realised he must have married my roommate. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2015 at 1:42am / France (Corse) / Intimacy

Today, I noticed that the eye drops I have been using 3 times a day for the past week expired when the Jonas Brothers were popular. FML

by clkoko / 11/26/2015 at 9:47pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my brother was playing one of those old street fighter games. He suddenly asked me what "K.O." meant. I told him it meant "Knocked Out," but he started getting mad at me because "'knocked' isn't spelled with a 'k'". He's 17. FML

by askprussia / 11/26/2015 at 9:32pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to carry a 25kg bag of cement to an elderly customer's car because she refused to use a cart. "You're paid to work, so I'm gonna make you work." FML

by I hate retail / 11/26/2015 at 9:26pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML

by NoBasement4U / 11/26/2015 at 3:24pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money

Today, my mom prevented me from walking a neighbor's dog because she said I'm obsessed with it. I walk the dog three times a day because that's what the neighbors pay me to do. FML

by qwertycode / 11/26/2015 at 1:57pm / United States (California) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a great job I have been wanting to apply for opened for applications. Turns out it requires a clean background with no credit issues. I recently got a notice saying my wife and I are being sued over an unpaid $140 medical bill that she neglected to pay. FML

by Adios Career / 11/26/2015 at 11:27am / United States / Money