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Today, I came back from vacation only to find my 16-year-old son was throwing a party with over 30 kids in our house. My 33-year-old sister was having fun dancing on a table. FML

botanistjessica's comment : Sounds like a good time to me!

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Today, I had to help my constipated dog by squeezing crap out of her butt. This is a daily occurrence. FML

Welshite's comment : You may need to change the dog food you are feeding her. Just a suggestion. It isn't right she should have that problem.

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Today, the doctor told my husband that he is infertile due to slow sperm. As if this is not upsetting enough, my husband blames it on me. According to him, his sperm doesn't get 'aroused' because I'm not sexy enough. FML

#20800901
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58739) - you deserved it (5038)

On 07/24/2013 at 7:50am - intimacy - by Iamdisappointed (woman) - Sweden (Dalarnas Lan)

sykokitti's comment : He's an idiot

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Today, a co-worker verbally abused me because I yawned. His excuse was that, "It's contagious". FML

#20800837
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36895) - you deserved it (3797)

On 07/24/2013 at 5:15am - work - by CapNCook (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

#20800769
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47156) - you deserved it (3319)

On 07/24/2013 at 3:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was so hot in the un-airconditioned gym that when I got up off the floor, I slipped in my own pool of sweat and got a concussion. FML

#20800714
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41525) - you deserved it (4258)

On 07/24/2013 at 2:44am - health - by not_very_smart (woman) - United States

Today, my husband removed the TV from our bedroom to improve our sex life. Still no sex because he watches TV on his iPhone. FML

#20799897
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46534) - you deserved it (3981)

On 07/23/2013 at 6:42pm - intimacy - by oddgrrl99 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, after our grandmother's memorial service, my 9-year-old sister took it upon herself to solemnly inform the priest in front of everyone in attendance that, "You lied. Jesus isn't here." FML

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's boss. She was wondering if he was okay, since he hasn't shown up to work for the past two weeks. Now I'm wondering where he's been going when he leaves the house each day. FML

#20799589
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56688) - you deserved it (3719)

On 07/23/2013 at 3:03pm - love - by Hesintrouble (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I sold ice cream to a group of kids. One of them looked sad, because he was the only one who couldn't buy any, so I gave him some for free. Apparently, he was allergic to something in it, and ended up being rushed to the hospital. FML

#20799539
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46751) - you deserved it (6003)

On 07/23/2013 at 2:28pm - work - by Snarty (man) - United States

Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML

#20799401
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51917) - you deserved it (4224)

On 07/23/2013 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by MenstruallyFrustrated - United States (Arizona)

Today, we got a new employee at work. I said hi, and told her that if she needed help figuring out our computer system, then to give me a call. She promptly accused me of sexual harassment and filed a complaint against me. FML

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

#20799228
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58044) - you deserved it (7551)

On 07/23/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by GiantsFan13 - United States (Colorado)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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