Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, was my first day of work in my life. I was excited, and so was my dad, who saw me to the door and ruffled my hair as he wished me luck. I didn't notice until half an hour after arriving at work that he'd stuck his gum in my hair. Nobody bothered to tell me. FML

#21136840
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43759) - you deserved it (3817)

On 05/11/2014 at 4:30pm - work - by sheisselluv (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)

Today, I moved into my new house. The previous occupants failed to tell me that they'd recently kicked out their crazy crackhead son, who seems to think they've paid me to pretend that they've moved out and that I'm the new owner. He wants back in. FML

#21136773
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42664) - you deserved it (3277)

On 05/11/2014 at 3:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

whaime's comment : Time to call the police! lol

See all the comments →

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I love him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

#21136683
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40856) - you deserved it (4902)

On 05/11/2014 at 1:57pm - love - by not gay in AL (man) - United States

KingLewisII's comment : No humor like dad humor

See all the comments →

Today, a customer asked me how long our 6-inch sandwich was. FML

#21136526
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42804) - you deserved it (4602)

On 05/11/2014 at 10:46am - work - by Makeitdance - United States (California)

lfrider92's comment : It's a food long of course

See all the comments →

Today, some thieves broke into my church and stole our cameras, monitors, and some other hardware. We were planning to use them for the security system we were about to install. FML

Today, a customer cussed me out for hiding behind the counter a jacket she's been "eyeing since it came out". She loudly exclaimed that she was going to report me to my manager and get me "fired." It was my personal jacket that we don't even sell. FML

Today, after a long day at work, I was starving, so I stopped by the drive-through for something to eat. When I got home and hurriedly opened the bag, all I found inside was napkins. Thanks, McDonald's. FML

#21136073
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42613) - you deserved it (10309)

On 05/10/2014 at 9:34pm - work - by can't eat paper - United States

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML

#21135914
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42290) - you deserved it (12409)

On 05/10/2014 at 6:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I found a bird that had fallen from its nest, so I made a new nest for it in a shoebox and put it as close to the old one as possible. When I checked back on it later, all I found was a chewed-up corpse. FML

#21135882
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36906) - you deserved it (5657)

On 05/10/2014 at 5:32pm - animals - by KHAAAAA-RMA!! (man) - United States

Today, I realised the only preparation I've done for my final French exam has been wanking off to French porn. FML

#21135849
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22905) - you deserved it (53622)

On 05/10/2014 at 4:52pm - intimacy - by vivelawank - United Kingdom

Today, I was looking at some cellphones with my dad, when an assistant asked if we needed help. My dad said, "Yeah, does this have parental controls? My son watches some freaky stuff, some damn freaky stuff." I don't watch anything weird, but thanks for humiliating me, dad. FML

#21135688
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39694) - you deserved it (4103)

On 05/10/2014 at 1:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom made a Facebook post about me starting my period and for everyone to be nice to me. FML

#21135508
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51678) - you deserved it (4510)

On 05/10/2014 at 9:35am - misc - by ColoredPencil13 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML

#21135494
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36644) - you deserved it (3507)

On 05/10/2014 at 9:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: