Today, I'm a car salesman. I got told to cold call a list of previous customers, but I recognised the names as I phoned them all last week; I told the manager this. He slammed his fist on my desk and told me to stop lying and do as I was told. I got told to "fuck off" 27 times. FML

by Arcam89 / 02/22/2016 at 5:37pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Work

haileyrows's comment : 27 times? Looks like you'd better grab some lotion and get to work. The man was clear...

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Today, I was in a car accident on the way to work. I called my boss and told him I had to deal with the police and the accident report and didn't know how long it would take. He got mad and said I "should have picked a better time to do this". FML

by Mycardoesn'tevenwork / 02/22/2016 at 3:16pm / United States / Transportation

ruckfules85's comment : "Sorry my car wreck was inconvenient for you. I will be sure to schedule my next accident better in the future."

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Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML

by replaced / 02/21/2016 at 10:03pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Tripartita's comment : Neat, an FML that makes me sick to my stomach with no detailed imagery of something gross.

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Today, I found out that my friends only hang out with me so they can play with my dog. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2016 at 4:48pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a picture of my ex with a new boyfriend. This wouldn't be so bad if she didn't break up with me because she was lesbian. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2016 at 2:02pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was starting a new job and I didn't want to be late, so I took a train that left earlier than normal, just to make sure I'd be on time. Turns out, the earlier train wasn't an express train, and made it to my stop 12 minutes after my usual one did. I was late for work. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2016 at 12:10pm / Japan (Saitama) / Transportation

Today, I'm locked in a bedroom with two dogs to keep them from barking at the guy fixing our water heater. One of them is stress-farting. FML

by noooooo / 02/21/2016 at 11:03am / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, because my fiancé is criminally incompetent at budgeting, I'm now having to pay the first installment for my own wedding ring. FML

by almost broke / 02/21/2016 at 8:24am / Czech Republic (Jihomoravsky kraj) / Money

Today, my brother accused me of faking my bipolar disorder for attention, all because I don't act the same as the bipolar girl in some TV show he watches. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2016 at 5:55am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health

Today, I got a new cat for my birthday. It ate my bird right when we got home, then it ran away. FML

by KornyKid / 02/21/2016 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my teacher gave me a 0% on my personal narrative in my writing class. His only comment on the whole paper was, "Too long, didn't read." FML

by This guy / 02/20/2016 at 9:53pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I completed driving school. After 30 hours of classwork, 6 hours of driving lessons, and a very tough driving test, I passed and can now get a 15% safe driver insurance discount. My friend just told me he only had to watch a 15 minute video to get the same discount. FML

by Whatthehell / 02/20/2016 at 8:35pm / United States (Tennessee) / Money

Today, my boss mistakenly drunk texted me and was talking shit about me. FML

by Sarah / 02/20/2016 at 7:13pm / United States (California) / Work