Today, the guy I was seeing texted me a photo back of myself I had sent him earlier, saying I'm such a beautiful woman, suggesting that I set it as my profile pic. Too bad he doesn't think I'm pretty enough without a lot of enhancements, because he photoshopped the hell out of that thing. FML

by R_Horsefeet / 03/29/2016 at 7:10pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous

gordjess1's comment : Id use the original photo and set that as my picture and see what he says.

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Today, after telling a friend I was contemplating asking a girl to prom, my friend took my phone, told me to have some balls, and texted the girl asking her to prom. She said no, because I asked her over text instead of in person. She refuses to believe I didn't send the text. FML

by Omydayz / 03/29/2016 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Love

katiehaitch's comment : If she really wanted to go with you she wouldn't have cared how you asked. Sounds like just an excuse not to go with you.

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Today, while riding my bike in the rain to a counselling appointment about my depression, my shoelace came untied and got caught around my pedal, causing me to go flying off my bike directly in a huge muddy puddle right in front of a busy street of people. No one offered to help me. FML

by anonymous / 03/29/2016 at 6:50pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, the drummer from my band stole the $200 deposit for our rental practice space and used it for a trip down to Maryland with his girlfriend. A few hours ago, my brother and I found him passed out in his cousin's house, very hungover. His first words to us were, "Can I borrow 20 bucks?" FML

by Zero_TAlent_ / 03/29/2016 at 4:27pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

hardcorefan16's comment : You should kick him out of the band.

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Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

by nerp / 03/29/2016 at 3:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working out and doing box jumps. My friend thought it would be funny to kick the box aside as I tried to jump onto it. Now I have 2 broken teeth. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2016 at 12:27pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was on my run, running past the home of the very attractive guy in my English class. This time he was outside. As I was running I casually waved, he waved back, but because I was distracted, I didn't notice a rock on the sidewalk and ended up tripping and pantsing myself. FML

by TipsyTj / 03/29/2016 at 9:05am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love

Today, my family and I were laying on my parents' bed watching a movie. My dad wrapped his arm around me and began rubbing my shoulder. That would have been fine, if it actually had been my shoulder and not my boob. Needless to say, we were both mortified. FML

by ScarredDaughter / 03/29/2016 at 1:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML

by sigh / 03/29/2016 at 12:57am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, my sister called after she found out I was hospitalized with surgery complications. Worried about me? Wondering if I'm okay? Nope. Just mad that I texted her an update rather than calling. I didn't call because I had surgery on my throat and can't speak. FML

by nothealthy / 03/29/2016 at 12:51am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

lellow_171's comment about their FML

Today, my boyfriend and I had amazing make-up sex after a huge fight. Turns out he forgot to let me know it was actually break-up sex. FML

by lellow_171 / 11/18/2012 at 8:47pm / United States (Illinois)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

lellow_171

I'm OP. And here is the background. I did something stupid, he broke up with me earlier in the week but had told a friend of mine he'd consider gettin...
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Today, I tried to train my cat to scratch the scratching post by giving her a treat every time she used it, but she took that as getting a treat every time she scratched something. Now, not only does she scratch all my furniture, but she also meows for a treat while doing it. FML

by angrypetowner / 03/28/2016 at 11:24pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals

Today, I put up a sign asking motorcyclists to slow down near horses, as the noise can spook them. While I was riding near the sign, a biker slowed to read it, looked at me, then revved his engine loudly and raced off. My horse bucked me off into some brambles and bolted. FML

by BriarFace / 03/28/2016 at 9:56pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals