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Today, somebody broke into my car, just to steal the obviously fake $1,000,000 bill hanging from my rear-view mirror. FML

#20951747
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42793) - you deserved it (10359)

On 11/09/2013 at 6:27pm - money - by jsyn (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Welshite's comment : I would love to be the bank teller taking the bill when he tries to cash it. "No, sir, we don't cash Monopoly money either."

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Today, I heard my dad complaining that he won't be able to go to a concert, because it's happening on my birthday. This is the first time he's even acknowledged my birthday in over ten years. FML

#20951699
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39859) - you deserved it (2903)

On 11/09/2013 at 5:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, my boyfriend moved out and took all his things with him. He also took some things that didn't belong to him, namely my rent money. My landlord comes tomorrow. FML

#20951618
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40616) - you deserved it (3325)

On 11/09/2013 at 3:41pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after hours of organizing and spending around $300 for my three-year-old's birthday party, I realized I forgot to send out the invitations. FML

#20951338
159 comments

Welshite's comment : $300? My birthday parties didn't exceed the cost of the cake and a balloon. Save that money for his college fund; it'll be appreciated more.

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Today, while working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML

#20951236
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42612) - you deserved it (3491)

On 11/09/2013 at 9:15am - work - by fmylyfe (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Welshite's comment : Chicken fried steak, anyone? The most confusing dish name ever.

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Today, my uncle gave me a very expensive bottle of champagne at a celebratory family event. We were celebrating me spending 1 year sober. FML

#20951207
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44385) - you deserved it (3147)

On 11/09/2013 at 8:20am - misc - by Falling off the wagon - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

Today, I went on what I thought was a date. After a wonderful night with a perfect gentleman, he told me how excited he is that he's moving in with his girlfriend next week, and thanked me for reassuring him that he doesn't want anyone but her. FML

#20950992
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49770) - you deserved it (3475)

On 11/09/2013 at 12:17am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mother not only told me that my ex-husband will be spending Thanksgiving with her and my dad, but that I'm also no longer invited to spend the holiday with my family. FML

#20950805
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47467) - you deserved it (3911)

On 11/08/2013 at 9:54pm - misc - by zoe777 (woman) - United States

Today, a woman accused me of bullying her son, and said that she is going to get me fired. Her son is a 27-year-old teacher at my school, whom I disciplined for showing up drunk. FML

#20950736
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44131) - you deserved it (2306)

On 11/08/2013 at 8:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML

#20950616
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38117) - you deserved it (6805)

On 11/08/2013 at 6:50pm - misc - by kel (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

#20950555
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42102) - you deserved it (7881)

On 11/08/2013 at 6:02pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I walked into my dorm room, only to witness my roommate shaving her vag over my trashcan. FML

#20950523
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49507) - you deserved it (4051)

On 11/08/2013 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by JN5SLK (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my girlfriend "got even" with me after an argument by telling people that I've been beating her. Three guys later came over to my place and beat the crap out of me. Her reaction: "I didn't think they'd take it so serious!" FML



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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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