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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, two really hot guys pulled up in a car next to mine. They were waving at me and pointing down, I figured they were being pigs so I flipped them off. Turns out they were trying to warn me of the flat tire I had. FML

#689967
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7373) - you deserved it (75954)

On 03/29/2009 at 9:14pm - misc - by flattire (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I developed the disposable camera pictures from my family's trip to Disney World. I noticed that in the pictures I took of them in front of the big castle at Magic Kingdom, my wife and son were standing a few feet away from a man who was touching himself. FML

#688806
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57995) - you deserved it (3537)

On 03/29/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday. He brought out a dessert with a candle and put a huge sombrero on my head. Everyone at the restaurant started singing me happy birthday. I got embarrassed and put my head down. My sombrero caught on fire. FML

#683803
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63714) - you deserved it (23666)

On 03/29/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by Hotsauce887 (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML

#681492
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26467) - you deserved it (80289)

On 03/29/2009 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to Walgreen's for a tub of Vaseline. The old guy at the counter looked at me, winked, and said, "Not having too much luck with the ladies, eh?" He was right. FML

#681464
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65747) - you deserved it (12597)

On 03/29/2009 at 3:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML

#681021
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14251) - you deserved it (178905)

On 03/29/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by emkaycutie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling on bed watching tv. He gets up at one point and turns the light off and I asked him why. He said "You look better in the dark". FML

#680104
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74974) - you deserved it (5368)

On 03/29/2009 at 1:41pm - love - by sadgf (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot". I never knew clapping was a crime. FML

#677461
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101791) - you deserved it (22277)

On 03/29/2009 at 10:03am - love - by engaged (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl I've liked for a while. I ran late, so in a hurry to make the movie, and trying to be smooth for her, I told the waiter I'd "take care of him" if he made it fast. He did. When he brought the check, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. FML

#677350
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18298) - you deserved it (58521)

On 03/29/2009 at 9:38am - money - by BrokeAsAJoke (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was playing with my kid cousin outside. It was warm, so I was wearing my new bikini, and felt pretty good about myself. She suddenly turns to me and asks: "How come your tits are so small when you have such a big belly?" FML

#677101
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66720) - you deserved it (10268)

On 03/29/2009 at 8:32am - kids - by Chubs (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I went to a club and my friends and I went up on the stage, then the security told me to get down and said the stage was only for girls. I'm 23. I'm a girl. FML

#676610
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58882) - you deserved it (6135)

On 03/29/2009 at 5:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, I was hanging with my boyfriend and when his mom came to pick him up, he introduced me. She talked to me politely and i thought we hit it off very well. As I was walking away I hear her say "That's your new girlfriend? Honey, you could do so much better". FML

#675536
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73920) - you deserved it (3920)

On 03/29/2009 at 2:40am - love - by crushed (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, as I was doing the morning count for the registers, a lady walked by and saw me. She's got Alzheimer's, and thought I was robbing the guy I'd bought the store from, so she called the cops. I spent six hours in jail while they looked into it, and didn't even get an apology. FML

#674339
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69057) - you deserved it (2649)

On 03/29/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by murphslaw (man) - United States (Ohio)



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