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Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

#123831
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46247) - you deserved it (5173)

On 02/24/2009 at 3:34pm - health - by Sick (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked into work after being completly wasted last night. I was sitting in a meeting when all of a sudden the presenter had gotten an e-mail saying "crazy girl dances on tables at local bar". So obviously everyone wanted to watch it. That crazy girl was me. FML

#123321
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10914) - you deserved it (40337)

On 02/24/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by lifesucks (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while working on a medical school application, I asked my mom what she thought my greatest challenge in life had been. She replied : "Trying to lose your virginity." FML

#122918
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65172) - you deserved it (4840)

On 02/24/2009 at 1:16pm - intimacy - by Dr. Virgin (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my dad if he could fix my bed. It had been squeaking for some time. He shook his head no. He then continued with, "Your bed is a security system and as far as I can tell, you haven't gotten any in weeks". FML

#122895
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41700) - you deserved it (4307)

On 02/24/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Florida)

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

#122747
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15827) - you deserved it (43326)

On 02/24/2009 at 12:47pm - kids - by ripdivine (woman) - United States (Michigan)

bobdole's comment : the economy is rough. lemonade is expensive.

See all the comments →

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

#121869
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18765) - you deserved it (47326)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:43am - misc - by shilpajayseanfan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so I go to skip it but accidentally unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML

#121719
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20277) - you deserved it (49889)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:57am - intimacy - by Byron fiddles (man) - Hungary (Budapest)

Today, I rolled over a curb and bent one of the signs that read "Please Park Here After Your Road Test," at the DMV, because my foot slipped off the brake just before I put the car in park, which would've ended my Test. The first words out of the examiner's mouth were, "Well you would've passed." FML

#121657
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17583) - you deserved it (25344)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:02am - misc - by ouagadougou (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, me and my girlfriend were watching some show about sex on the discovery channel. The topic of female orgasms came up and she said, "Wow, I wonder what that's like?" We've been dating and sexually active for three years. FML

#121656
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38022) - you deserved it (15768)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:01am - intimacy - by secret123 - United States

Today, I applied for a job in an Italian restaurant. Ideally I wanted to be a hostess rather than a waitress, and I told the manager as much. His response? "No no no. Hostess no good for you. We leave that to the pretty girls." FML

#121635
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43700) - you deserved it (3380)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:37am - work - by Ren (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I'm reading in the subway sitting one leg over the other. An old lady sits down next to me. After quietly examining me for about two stations she leans over to me and whispers in my ear: "Girl, sitting like all the time will make you end up with a crooked c**t". I'm a man. FML

#121386
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38461) - you deserved it (3961)

On 02/24/2009 at 3:31am - misc - by jcc (man) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

#121139
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64517) - you deserved it (16988)

On 02/24/2009 at 2:31am - intimacy - by addictedtofml (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to chill with my best guy friend and his girlfriend, whom I recently met after I moved to the area. After a few beers, my buddy leaned over and tried to make out with me. I quickly backed up and shockingly looked over at his girlfriend to expect the same reaction. She winked. FML

#120277
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59397) - you deserved it (6778)

On 02/24/2009 at 12:30am - intimacy - by LilShawty2000 (man) - United States (Virginia)



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