Today, I was trying to apply some toothpaste on my pimple to help dry it out. My mum came from behind and hugged me, making me accidentally apply minty toothpaste into my right eye instead. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2010 at 10:45am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Miscellaneous

Today, I failed my trigonometry exam because my scientific calculator was on the wrong setting. FML

by trigfail / 09/25/2010 at 4:57am / New Zealand (Taranaki) / Geek

Today, I was at a comedy club, and the girl behind me was drinking. Before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all in my hair. I had just had it done for my sister's wedding tomorrow. FML

by Username / 09/25/2010 at 12:49am / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 10:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 10:00pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was at volleyball tryouts when I accidentally spiked the ball into the fire alarm. The fire fighters did not look happy when they found out what had happened. So much for being on the team. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 9:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend asked why I always smell like a dead animal carcass. I have no idea. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 7:10pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I let out the most horrific, loudest, and most vile smelling fart I have ever had in my life while in the middle of yoga class. Out of embarrassment, I tried to lessen the tension in the silent room by giggling, but no one saw the funny side. I was given looks of horror, and avoided by everyone else for the rest of the class. FML

by yogapants / 09/24/2010 at 4:21pm / Switzerland (Zurich) / Health

Today, I went to pour myself a cup of coffee and noticed our kittens were playing in the living room. Transfixed by the cuteness, I didn't notice I started pouring hot coffee on my hand and foot. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 3:20pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, while waiting on the platform, a blind man asked out loud for some help getting into the subway car. I helped him through the doors and into a seat. I decided to sit down as well. Twenty minutes later, I realized I was on the wrong subway line. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 1:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking and I jokingly stated "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 7:25am / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert for an hour, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML

by Andrew / 09/24/2010 at 6:22am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, after months of looking, my fiancé and I finally signed a lease. We are using my savings to pay for it. This apparently poses a "moral dilemma" for my in-laws who think we should wait to be married. I'm paying for an apartment I'm not allowed to live in. FML

by sauce / 09/24/2010 at 2:33am / United States (Louisiana) / Money