Today, I finally got a chance to try out my vibrator. I've never orgasmed before with a guy, so I thought there was no hope until my friend gave me the vibrator for my birthday. It was going amazing, better than sex. I was literally 2 seconds away from climaxing when the battery suddenly died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68829) - you deserved it (13049)
On 06/15/2009 at 7:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42362) - you deserved it (2881)
On 06/15/2009 at 6:07am - animals - by Tom (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)
Today, I got an electric shaver hoping that it would reduce the risk of cutting myself than shaving with a manual one. However, I cut myself opening the plastic package with the shaver inside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33881) - you deserved it (12154)
On 06/15/2009 at 4:51am - misc - by shaverguy (man) - United States (California)
Today, my mom and I rented a hotel room. She decided to go to bed, while I watched MythBusters. Apparently, my mom got hot while she slept. She threw the covers off of herself and pulled up her night-gown. I turned to find out that my mother does not wear underwear when she sleeps. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50553) - you deserved it (3390)
On 06/15/2009 at 3:45am - misc - by ZAS (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I used a porta-potty. After I came out, my mom came out of one and said "I really wish I could wash my hands." I explained that I used the little soap bar that was on the side of the toilet in mine. She told me that was a urinal and the soap bar was a disinfectant bar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13460) - you deserved it (53028)
On 06/15/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by hockeyfanaticx87 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, after buying the plane ticket to Glendale, CA to visit 17 year old Courtney who I met on a dating website, she called me for the first time to say that she was actually 19 year old Seth from Atlanta, GA. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12382) - you deserved it (83025)
On 06/15/2009 at 1:42am - love - by gabe8 (man) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)
Today, I saw a few old co-workers at the bar. They recognized me and started calling me by the nickname they had for me that I was unaware of. It appears I was known as "butch megan" by the entire office for 2 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33633) - you deserved it (3333)
On 06/15/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by brutality (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my grandpa died. I decided to call my grandma to make sure she was going to be fine. After talking over the phone for 30 minutes or so, I told her goodbye and said, out of habit: "Say hi to grandpa for me". FML
I agree, your life sucks (44400) - you deserved it (22656)
On 06/15/2009 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, while I was working in the liquor store, I was trying to impress my hot boss by lifting three cases of Grey goose. Turns out I can't, and I'll be working for the next two months of the rest of my summer paying it all back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7753) - you deserved it (54746)
On 06/15/2009 at 12:13am - work - by damgoose (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15792) - you deserved it (47490)
On 06/14/2009 at 11:37pm - misc - by thelarkscaw (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my mom accused me of having an eating disorder, and I didn't correct her. Truth is, I lost weight after I went off the pill a year ago. I'm too embarrassed to tell my mom that I haven't had anyone in a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34124) - you deserved it (6532)
On 06/14/2009 at 10:35pm - health - by LP (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47263) - you deserved it (3321)
On 06/14/2009 at 9:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - Japan (Okinawa)
Today, I was walking by a bunch of pretty girls. I'm not the most attractive boy, so I walked by nervously. I heard one yell "Hey cutie!" I turned to look, and they started laughing. She said "Oh my god, sorry! I assumed you were cute from your butt!" Apparently, my ass is nicer than my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51873) - you deserved it (2104)
On 06/14/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by bitches. (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Friday 18 July 2014
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments - FeedBurner alternative
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
