Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21629) - you deserved it (97692)
On 04/28/2009 at 5:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13429) - you deserved it (77791)
On 04/28/2009 at 4:53am - love - by H-B (man) - United States
Today, I decided to be the sober housemate for the first time in a while. I drove my drunk friends to the bar and back and even bought them pizza before they passed out in the living room. I get repaid by catching my wasted housemate in my room peeing all over my floor, bed, and nightstand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50239) - you deserved it (7432)
On 04/28/2009 at 4:45am - misc - by fuckmylife (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, at work I grabbed some customer keys off the board. I was checking out their cool flashlight keychain. At the exact moment I realized it wasn't a keychain, I pepper sprayed myself directly in the right eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12243) - you deserved it (58771)
On 04/28/2009 at 3:47am - work - by jdubious (man) - United States
Today, I finally got cleared after my knee surgery and wanted to go salsa dancing with a girl I liked. So we went and I thought I would show off a little bit and try to dip her and kiss her. Turns out my knee isn't strong enough and now she won't talk to me after dropping her on the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19543) - you deserved it (32083)
On 04/28/2009 at 2:50am - love - by Mikey (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (190165) - you deserved it (9069)
On 04/28/2009 at 2:27am - intimacy - by liveforpeace_ (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52424) - you deserved it (4794)
On 04/28/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while working at Wendy's my boss approached me and told me the District Manager wanted to talk to me. I had been given a substantial raise the day before so I thought he was going to promote me to manager. Wrong, he told me I was being fired for eating a 99 cent cheeseburger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38565) - you deserved it (11010)
On 04/28/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (South Dakota)
Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39614) - you deserved it (9003)
On 04/28/2009 at 12:35am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML
I agree, your life sucks (98507) - you deserved it (7518)
On 04/27/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by seriouslywtf (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was making a nacho and grabbed some refried beans that were in a plastic container out of the fridge and put them on top of the chips. After I’m completely done eating my mom looks in the fridge and asked me if I knew where the cat food was. I just ate a small can of cat food. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13610) - you deserved it (46075)
On 04/27/2009 at 10:38pm - animals - by youwouldbeacat - United States (Oregon)
Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12375) - you deserved it (48542)
On 04/27/2009 at 10:10pm - misc - by Radgirl (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he gets a call from his best friend whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzips his pants and mouths, "She won't know." FML
I agree, your life sucks (60086) - you deserved it (6320)
On 04/27/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)
Friday 7 March 2014
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