Today, I got back from a 6 month deployment overseas. My girlfriend of 3 years couldn't pick me up from the airport because she had an intramural softball game to go to. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70438) - you deserved it (5300)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:06am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (116954) - you deserved it (8695)
On 03/26/2009 at 2:09am - intimacy - by lollipopp56 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my friends and me had a little water balloon fight and somehow it led to throwing water balloons at cars. We all decided to hit a car all at once, after one came by we all hit it. The car stopped and started flashing bright blue lights. We ended up hitting an off-duty police car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9348) - you deserved it (102002)
On 03/26/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by AzNFoo (man) - United States (California)
Today, my mom told me she spent $760 on "quantum pendants" that "produce scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield." When I told her she got scammed, she denied it and yelled at me. Best part? She frequently lectures me about how I waste my money and spend irresponsibly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54247) - you deserved it (3645)
On 03/26/2009 at 1:06am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12855) - you deserved it (56614)
On 03/26/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Alex (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I got home to find my mom sitting in the kitchen reading the mail. I saw an empty bottle of Absolut peach vodka on the counter. Surprised, I picked it up and said " wow, who drinks this?". Her reply was "Why don't you tell me, i found it in your room." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10171) - you deserved it (56726)
On 03/26/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I babysat for two little girls, who wanted to play 'mermaids'. I smiled, and said that I would love to play with them. The older girl laughed, saying "You can't be a mermaid. Mermaids are pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (68803) - you deserved it (3445)
On 03/25/2009 at 11:45pm - kids - by babysitter (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22113) - you deserved it (73670)
On 03/25/2009 at 10:48pm - misc - by ohhotdamn (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, my parents came to visit me at the ranch I work at. They're scared to death of horses, but I was explaining how they are almost completely harmless. I was showing them how to work around the horse without getting kicked. As they relaxed, the horse kicked me. I now have a broken leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50764) - you deserved it (7861)
On 03/25/2009 at 7:43pm - health - by Owned (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I finally had my tongue piercing heal up so I decided to try oral on my girl. Unfortunately, she has a hood piercing that got caught on my tongue ring, and neither of us could get them apart. We had to call my mom in to solve the problem. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45652) - you deserved it (88009)
On 03/25/2009 at 5:04pm - intimacy - by Truan (man) - United States (California)
Today, my mother asked me if my boyfriend and I were getting serious. I quickly lied and said no. She then informed me that if things ever heated up that she would take me to get birthcontrol. Wanting birthcontrol, I confessed. In turn she grounded me. I am not allowed to see my boyfriend anymore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54838) - you deserved it (23532)
On 03/25/2009 at 4:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)
Today, my friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to get it on with. We didn't realize that the camera was recording everything that we said. The tape was played to the entire team the next day. With sound. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18717) - you deserved it (91933)
On 03/25/2009 at 3:31pm - misc - by Lady_Luck (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I went to the doctor to find out why I've been feeling so sick the past several weeks. Turns out, I'm severely allergic to the cat of my girlfriend of two years. I told her "It's me or the cat." She chose the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57171) - you deserved it (20514)
On 03/25/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by fmlsrsly (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Friday 6 December 2013
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