Today, I rode home alone on a train. I accidentally missed my stop, but wasn't worried about it. My mom did not share my optimism and actually called the train company, saying that I was "lost" and "special". They thought she meant I was retarded. They wouldn't believe me when I said I wasn't. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 4:23pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, my friends were acting strange around me. This afternoon, I got a text asking me to meet them out for a couple of drinks. Because of all the strange acting, I decided to tell them I'd go and then not go. I just found out they had been planning me a surprise party. FML

by slondons / 01/18/2011 at 3:53pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 1:35pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

stronghand0331's comment : That's not laziness, that is pure innovation.

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Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with a voice card. It said "Marry me Amber?" I'm not Amber. That's his ex. FML

by dubblechic / 01/18/2011 at 1:16pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I have a cold and need to blow my nose all the time. The problem is that every time I blow my nose, I get a nosebleed. When I breathe through my mouth, I have a coughing fit. So I have to choose between not breathing, coughing up mucus or blowing blood. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 9:37am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said "That was my daughter." FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 3:28am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, after some filing mistakes, and a lot of waiting on hold, I'm finally registered for Spring classes. I was ready to enjoy this term, until I found out that my ex, who was forced into therapy after he threatened to kill me, is in half of my classes. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 3:13am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to blow my nose. Trying to be a considerate roommate, I tiptoed over to the bathroom in the dark, which would have been fine, if I hadn't tripped over a chair and crushed the art project that she's been working on for the past month. FML

by mel / 01/18/2011 at 2:05am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I brought my boyfriend of 2 weeks home to meet my mom and she started talking about how she really wants a lot of grand-kids. He called 2 hours later and broke up with me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 1:16am / United States (California) / Love

Today, the girl I really liked started talking to me, so I asked her out on a date. After waiting an hour at the theatre, I texted her asking where she was. She replied with, "Oh! You were serious about the date?!" FML

by MCKilllerrr / 01/18/2011 at 12:05am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of over one and a half years told me he won't give me a hand job because "it's awfully wet down there," and he isn't "a fan of other people's bodily fluids." FML

by No O-face / 01/17/2011 at 10:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

ryanst's comment : Since when was fingering called a hand job?

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Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. Right after, he left the room and went to the bathroom to throw up. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2011 at 9:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (New York) / Health