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Today, I decided to start running to stay fit. Before I left, I put my cell phone in my sweat shirt pocket, and jumped vigorously up and down and ran around my apartment to make sure it wouldn't fall out. On a bridge, it slides out of my pocket and drops fifteen feet into the water below. FML

#3360429
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38604) - you deserved it (14576)

On 06/30/2009 at 5:23am - health - by Ginny (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)

Today, my dog ate my little brothers medication. I spent all morning trying to make him throw it up, but it wasn't working so I took him to the animal hospital, which was in a different city. $150 in poison control and vet bills later, I found the pill we thought he ate stuck under his paw. FML

#3356894
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36794) - you deserved it (7333)

On 06/30/2009 at 2:07am - animals - by glowstick (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took chocolax to help lose some weight before I left for Miami. Turns out it doesn't happen right away like in the movies, it happens six hours later in front of your girlfriends parents, that you've just met for the first time at a very upperclass restaurant. FML

#3355159
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12319) - you deserved it (50227)

On 06/30/2009 at 1:14am - health - by POLYBLOT (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML

#3354281
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25676) - you deserved it (45636)

On 06/30/2009 at 12:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honked at me. Pissed off, I turned around and screamed "shut the fuck up!" It was my girlfriend's parents saying hi. FML

#3349914
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12848) - you deserved it (60187)

On 06/29/2009 at 11:01pm - misc - by ZZ - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML

#3348411
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42087) - you deserved it (12075)

On 06/29/2009 at 10:23pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went on my honeymoon to Hawaii. My family decided to surprise my new husband and I by joining us on our vacation. FML

#3345356
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78350) - you deserved it (2894)

On 06/29/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by marriedwithfamily (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my daughter asked me what is the youngest age at which you should start having sex. Being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML

#3344863
472 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71208) - you deserved it (12488)

On 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm - intimacy - by blazer - United States (Minnesota)

likeanoutlawbayb's comment : you should keep a better eye on what your twelve year is doing and who she's hanging around with

See all the comments →

Today, my mom, sister, and I were talking about a friend's girlfriend. My sister's opinion of her was that she was cute but not hot. My mom agreed, saying that she didn't think that someone without boobs could EVER be hot. She then looked at me and said "no offense." FML

#3341978
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43681) - you deserved it (3149)

On 06/29/2009 at 7:07pm - misc - by Atomic_Tangerine (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I left on a 2 month trip. I was in a hurry to pack so I wouldn't miss my plane. There were 2 piles of clothes on my bed. One pile was clothes that didn't fit to take to a thrift store, one was to take with me. Guess which one I brought? FML

#3341149
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15932) - you deserved it (52208)

On 06/29/2009 at 5:52pm - misc - by Cheech (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got beaten up by my ex-girlfriend's older brother who does mixed martial arts, because my ex saw me making out with another girl. We broke up over 6 months ago. FML

#3338347
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58955) - you deserved it (4489)

On 06/29/2009 at 3:55pm - misc - by thatCanadianGuy7 - Canada (Alberta)



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