Today, someone was getting beat up by 6 guys. When I tried to help, they had a swing at me as well. The cops came when I was enthusiastically defending myself. They got away, I got arrested. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 5:48am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend bought a smartphone and updated his facebook status with it. Two weeks ago he signed an apartment lease with another friend. Four months ago he bought a new handgun. Seven months ago he bought a new TV. He's owed me $300 for a year and a half. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 5:47am / United States (New York) / Money

Today, I was told that I look like a cross between Roger Federer and Neil Patrick Harris. Apparently I have a big forehead and a squished face. FML

by facingit / 11/08/2010 at 5:32am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, trying to be cute, I told my soon-to-be husband he was the ying to my yang. He responded with "Baby, you're the Monica Lewinsky to my Bill Clinton." FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 4:50am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, when I signed into Amazon, their top recommendation for me based on past purchases was "The Brave Little Toaster" on DVD. FML

by lambxox / 11/08/2010 at 4:04am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app. He walked into the living room to see me fighting the cat and making sound effects to myself. FML

by yay! / 11/08/2010 at 1:07am / United States (Arizona) / Animals

Today, I went through my spam folder. I found out that I'd received several emails telling me that I have been sending emails containing essays for a class of mine to the wrong address. The term ended yesterday. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was holding on to a shirt that I planned on buying, when an elderly man bumped into me. The shirt fell out of my hand, and slid just out the door. I went to the counter to explain what happened. Everyone accused me of trying to steal it anyway. FML

by Telinaa / 11/07/2010 at 9:25pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2010 at 8:13pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I had a small gathering of family and friends over to celebrate my son's baptism. One of my friends happens to be a police officer. The entire event consisted of him arresting three of my family members. Don't worry, he came back to get some cake. FML

by jadehin / 11/07/2010 at 8:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my Halloween costume finally showed up in the mail. Their consolation for a late delivery? A 50 cent discount. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2010 at 8:05pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, I was told by my neighbors that my guitar playing sounded a dying cat. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2010 at 5:07pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Animals

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2010 at 5:00pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy