Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend of two years. He asked me to turn off my webcam. I asked why, and he said to just trust him. Turns out it was because he didn't want to see my face as he broke up with me. FML

by emily / 07/15/2011 at 6:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

CompettiveCheer's comment : Douche. Bag.

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Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML

by Username / 07/15/2011 at 3:51pm / United States / Health

GigaB's comment : don't sleep under a cactus?

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Today, I went on a run with the family dog. I returned home to three missed calls and a hysterical voicemail from my dad. Why? The dog was gone. Not me, his fifteen year old daughter, the dog. FML

by kacysospacyy / 07/15/2011 at 2:23pm / United States (California) / Animals

GigaPudding's comment : But, if you ask me, it's not weird if the 15 year old is not home - but it sure is strange if the dog isn't!

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Today, I was at a fancy restaurant when I knocked my glass of ice water over. In my attempt to clean it up with a napkin, I knocked a freshly filled cup of coffee all over myself. FML

by evilwater / 07/15/2011 at 1:21pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I grinned for five minutes straight because my friends told me it would put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. It gave me a migraine. FML

by so much for a good day / 07/15/2011 at 1:14pm / United States / Health

Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML

by beachbumb8538 / 07/15/2011 at 1:01pm / United States / Geek

Today, after 14 rice-filled days in China, I came back home. What's for lunch? Rice. FML

by panos016 / 07/15/2011 at 9:51am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a woman accuse me of trying to steal her husband over the phone, just because I called and asked for him. I'm an interviewer. FML

by TabbiNicole / 07/15/2011 at 7:38am / United States / Work

Today, I came home to my mom dancing the hustle naked. With a group of 4 friends. FML

by SCREWED / 07/15/2011 at 2:25am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I learned why my boyfriend of 10 months and I never hang out at his place. He still lives at home with his mother. He's 38. FML

by brsoxgirl / 07/15/2011 at 1:51am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML

by krissy8799 / 07/15/2011 at 12:53am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, my dog was scooped up by an owl. FML

by flipnazn / 07/15/2011 at 12:24am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I met my long distance girlfriend after two years of being separated by 900 miles. She brought her short distance boyfriend to the meeting. FML

by longtriphome / 07/14/2011 at 10:22pm / United States / Love