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Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML

#4929895
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11252) - you deserved it (32042)

On 08/30/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by pootythe5th (woman) - United States (New York)

suaveneanderthal's comment : Send him one that says "Bitch, get me a ring."

See all the comments →

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

#4927406
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49766) - you deserved it (12918)

On 08/30/2009 at 11:23am - misc - by mel (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in the mirror I spotted a zit on my forehead. Keeping my toothbrush in my mouth, I quickly lean in towards the mirror to pop the pimple meanwhile lodging my toothbrush down my throat. I temporarily can't talk. FML

#4927386
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13266) - you deserved it (38071)

On 08/30/2009 at 11:22am - misc - by Mirroronthewall (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had to buy another pair of 'fat jeans', because my old 'fat jeans' became my new 'skinny jeans'. FML

#4926734
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21400) - you deserved it (51691)

On 08/30/2009 at 10:15am - misc - by FML (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML

#4926157
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33104) - you deserved it (2625)

On 08/30/2009 at 8:58am - misc - by hihipanda (man) - Singapore

Today, I went to the movies with the girl I liked. She kept on eating my popcorn so I whispered in her ear "Pretty soon your going to have to repay me with kisses." Then she looked at me and walked out the theatre. She came back with a bucket of popcorn and said "Here, you're repaid." FML

#4925971
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30472) - you deserved it (38178)

On 08/30/2009 at 8:19am - love - by regected (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home from a business trip, I walked in to the house to find my husband nowhere to be seen. I called out his name and he came round the corner saying "Coming baby." When he came through the door he said "Oh it's you..." FML

#4923789
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47850) - you deserved it (2030)

On 08/30/2009 at 3:22am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

#4923649
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14079) - you deserved it (53011)

On 08/30/2009 at 3:12am - health - by tomchuq (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML

#4922753
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7087) - you deserved it (53496)

On 08/30/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by rydawg79 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML

#4921754
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40544) - you deserved it (8129)

On 08/30/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by pokie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to my father why most of the bar was giving him dirty looks at a concert. His air guitar motions made it look like he was jacking off under the table. FML

#4921457
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29374) - you deserved it (1891)

On 08/30/2009 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Embarassed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after two years of dating, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend on my birthday. It wasn't as all like I dreamed about; I dreamt that I wasn't allergic to latex. FML



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