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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I'm being evicted from my apartment for not paying rent. My father is the on-site landlord. Meaning I now have to move my stuff downstairs into his place and hear every day how I'm a failure. FML

#4971137
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12106) - you deserved it (38677)

On 09/01/2009 at 3:30am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids. When we were on the Ferris wheel, I discovered my fear of heights. I hyperventilated, screamed from our seat "LET ME OUT! OH GOD LET ME OUT!!" I also began crying hysterically. They stopped the ride for me to get off. I'm a 45 year old man. FML

#4970470
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34282) - you deserved it (12950)

On 09/01/2009 at 2:30am - health - by pussyOUT (man) - United States

Today, I decided to ride my rusty old bike to work, since it will help the environment. I was standing up and had a tight grip on the handle bars. The handle bars came off and I fell down on the cross bar, busting my nuts. FML

#4967329
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32887) - you deserved it (7243)

On 09/01/2009 at 12:03am - health - by David (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw a poor helpless cat in the middle of the road while driving. I pulled over and scooped it in my arms to bring it to safety. Not only did I get mauled and scratched by the cat, my car also wasn't put in park and rolled away hitting a parked car. FML

#4967264
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20677) - you deserved it (31418)

On 09/01/2009 at 12:00am - animals - by polish_chik - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told the guy I have been sort of dating that I want to connect emotionally before sleeping with him. He told me that he already had an emotional connection with his fiancée and was only interested in sleeping with me. FML

Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML

#4962487
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45800) - you deserved it (3931)

On 08/31/2009 at 9:12pm - love - by SaMike (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I was hanging out with a group of friends when I got into a conversation with this really attractive girl who I've liked for months. She asked me what school I go to. I sit to her left in biology. FML

#4961787
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36546) - you deserved it (2900)

On 08/31/2009 at 8:40pm - love - by outofluckdude (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my parents decided I was old enough to know that my mother doesnt really have horrible nightmares. She's a screamer. FML

#4960471
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31144) - you deserved it (2215)

On 08/31/2009 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by UGH (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML

#4958000
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82739) - you deserved it (4854)

On 08/31/2009 at 6:05pm - kids - by beya (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was in an unfamiliar building on campus and I needed to use the bathroom before class started. I walked in and saw a man at the sink. I said "Oh my god I'm sorry! I thought this was the women's washroom." It was. The very butch looking woman gave me a look of death. FML

#4957088
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33297) - you deserved it (7496)

On 08/31/2009 at 5:18pm - misc - by Cherie (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while emailing my very young, attractive teacher to ask a question, my hand slipped. Too bad you can't unsend emails that say "Can we meet after school some time? I have some thongs I'd like to discuss with you." FML

#4956234
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31464) - you deserved it (8109)

On 08/31/2009 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was making love to my girlfriend and was pretty impressed with myself for lasting through multiple songs. Then I realized her ipod was playing a medley. I only lasted 3 1/2 minutes. FML

#4954327
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15127) - you deserved it (7127)

On 08/31/2009 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by sadinthesack (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found some .pdf files on my wife's computer. They were forms that had been filled out except for the date and the "reason" section. They were divorce papers. When confronted about it she said, "Well, if you piss me off really bad, I want to write down why before I calm down." FML

#4953539
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34640) - you deserved it (3492)

On 08/31/2009 at 2:10pm - love - by UNmarried (man) - United States (South Carolina)



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