Mrs Somewhere in the middle of nowhere, United States 42 years-old
Today, I got unbelievably drunk and pissed in the corner of my room, all over a plug socket, which blew out the electrics. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought we were wrestling, so he got on top of the covers and started "wrestling" with us. FML
Today, my co-worker and I got into an argument. It ended with him threatening me to roll my balls with a paint roller until they looked like "fresh, popping doughs". FML
Today, I went straight from work to a blind date, and I decided to change in my car at the parking lot. Someone pulled up next to me as I had my ass to the window. It was my date. FML
Today, my boss tried to fire me for not emailing him a screenshot to prove my email wasn't working. FML
Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, all because he heard me speaking Arabic. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Egypt. FML
Today, while meeting some of the big boss guys at my new job, one of the men sneezed on his hand and then grabbed mine for a handshake. I felt every gooey bit of his snot between our hands. FML
Today, a strong storm knocked the power out at our office. I was dismissed five hours early, had my desk locked up and was walking toward the doors to leave when the power came back on. FML
Today, I was looking at dating profiles with my single friend, trying to find a guy for her, and we found my husband's profile. FML
Today, on the bus ride home from work, two women behind me kept pulling my hair. I turned around and told them to, "cut it out." When I got home, I realized they'd took it literally. FML
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