Miss Norwich, USA 36 years-old
Today, I told a lady that came into my clothing store that I thought her abstract looking necklace was pretty. She responded, "Oh… That's actually a pipe that goes into my lung." FML
Today, I got asked to Homecoming by the person I really like. I said yes and I was really excited. But my best friend who has liked me since the 6th grade wasn't. He went and broke my date's jaw. FML
Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend's idea of "washing her feet" is sticking her foot in the toilet and flushing. FML
Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML
Today, I went to my company's HR manager to ask what the procedure was to file a sexual harassment complaint since my boss exposed himself to me. His response was that the procedure is to "get over it." And he went back to reading. FML
Today, I heard my newly divorced parents fighting about who gets to keep me. Neither of them wants me. FML
Today, I went on a date with an awesome guy. I got super hammered and punched him in the face. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because he has anger issues. Tonight, my tires were slashed. FML
Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML
Today, I texted my brother saying, "Always remember I love you! Never forget it!" to which he replied, "You better not be doing drugs." FML
Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML
Today, I went to have my eyebrows waxed for the first time. After signing in the receptionist looked at me and said "Lip wax?". I told her no, my eyebrows. She sat me down and the waxer walked up, took one look at me and said "Lip wax?" FML
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