Single
Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML
Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML
Today, I have to spend over an hour at a Gamestop so my boyfriend can get his 'Final Fantasy' game at midnight. I'm tired, I don't want to stand around any more, and all the people around around me are debating superheroes. I'm living in an episode of 'The Big Bang Theory.' FML
Today, my six year-old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said, "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML
Today, I went out for some very expensive sushi. Two hours later, I found myself on the toilet, violently voiding my bowels. I essentially paid to have liquid orange shit. FML
Today, my pet fish died because my drunk father microwaved it. FML
Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
