duhhitscolin

herve 22 May 2009, 19:50 Lebanon 🌶️ Spicy

Peaked

Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

437 comments

Araya 17 November 2009, 16:12 United Kingdom

Today, I had a pig kidney dissection in Biology. I see a 'sack' which appeared to contain a liquid. Being the curious type, I cut open the sack, spraying said liquid over me and my desk. My teacher, after giggling, informed me that the liquid was in fact urine. I was pissed on by a dead pig. FML

104 comments

beachbumb8538 15 July 2011, 17:01 United States

Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML

223 comments

so much for a good day 15 July 2011, 17:14 United States

Today, I grinned for five minutes straight because my friends told me it would put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. It gave me a migraine. FML

116 comments

Rejected 16 July 2011, 13:28 Australia

Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML

326 comments

zerom 23 July 2011, 00:52 France

WeeWooWeeWoo

Today, I was discussing the traffic with my brother. He said the most common car colour is red. I said it was black. We ended up betting €100 on which three vehicles of either colour would pass by our house first. It seems a convoy of fire trucks had somewhere to be in a hurry. FML

203 comments

Taylor 30 July 2011, 05:14 United States 🌶️ Spicy

War drums

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend started singing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML

343 comments

ifailsobadly 13 August 2011, 20:22 United Kingdom

Today, I came home to find my house destroyed. I was so devastated, I cried. I had spent days hand-crafting the house to perfection, down to the finest detail. On Minecraft. FML

484 comments

Username 14 August 2011, 17:44 United States

Today, the guy at Subway asked if I wanted to make my sandwich a footlong. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I realized what I was saying, I'd told him that I couldn't handle 12 inches. FML

162 comments