The Top

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Podcasters need to be stopped

By Anonymous - 03/11/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was listening to a true-crime podcast while taking a shower. Right as the narrator said, “And then he heard a loud bang,” my shampoo bottle fell off the ledge with a loud thud. I screamed so loudly, I apparently scared my neighbours, who banged on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 350

Clunker

By Anonymous - 19/06/2026 03:00 - United States - Austin

Today, a customer came in complaining about a weird noise in her car. I took it for a quick test drive, heard nothing, then told her it was probably nothing serious. The second I pulled back into the lot, the hood popped open because I hadn’t latched it properly after checking the fluids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 401

This meeting could've been an e-mail

By Anonymous - 14/07/2026 03:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was bored in a meeting, so I absentmindedly started flipping my phone like a fidget spinner. I lost grip, spun it towards the ground, then watched it slide across the floor directly to my manager's feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 478

Cash up front

By Anonymous - 28/07/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I’m a dealer at a casino so I get a lot of cash tips, which is a pain to deposit at the bank, so I use it to pay my rent in cash instead. I was unaware that paying rent in cash makes your landlord assume you are a prostitute and try to hire you for an evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 71

Bogged down

By Anonymous - 24/12/2024 20:00 - United States - Randle

Today, the morning before my flight with my boyfriend’s family at 2 am, I had to use the bathroom and unfortunately the toilet got clogged after a couple of safety flushes. Turns out my boyfriend can’t unclog the toilet and it’s the only toilet in the house of four people. We leave at 5 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 119

No good deed…

By Anonymous - 01/08/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I made a small batch of cookies and took them to work. Mostly everyone took one, but nobody said anything until I asked how they were. Someone asked what my recipe was, because it tasted like I'd forgot to add sugar. I bit into one. I had. The cookies tasted like muddy mush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 342

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 27/12/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, my boyfriend phoned me at work and broke up with me. Why, you ask? A boy I was semi-seeing about a year ago decided to show my boyfriend's best friend a video of him fucking some girl and said it was me, and that I cheated on my boyfriend. At the end of day, he believes it's not me, but WTF is going on? FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 146

No biggie

By Anonymous - 06/08/2026 15:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I got a message that my physician looked up my MRI and is now talking with a neurosurgeon to discuss next steps. No big deal, except this is serious spinal surgery and I'm not sure how expensive this is going to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 60

Memory hole

By Anonymous - 30/12/2024 12:00 - United States - San Jose

Today, I confidently walked into what I thought was my friend's apartment for a party, only to find a confused elderly couple staring at me. Turns out, I was not only three doors down from where I thought his front door was, I was also on the wrong floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 462

Birds of a feather

By Anonymous - 08/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Tampa

Today, my husband went to grab a DoorDash order while I decided to gift some cigarettes, some leftover pizza from lunch, and a few dollars to a sweet traveler. As I got back into the car, my husband said, "I was about to say 'Look a the homeless congregation', then I realized it was you and that lady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 96

FML's Showdown #10

By Louis - 24/05/2017 14:37

Check out these madmen fly! Well, try to. Who's your fave?

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 31

This has to stop

By Anonymous - 08/01/2025 03:00 - United States

Today I got back to work after the holiday break to find out all my hard work on background illustrations for the company are progressively being replaced by piss-poor AI monstrosities. This sucks donkey dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 96

The squits

By Nina - 17/08/2026 12:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, it’s my first full official day with my adoptive dad. To celebrate, he took me out to a fancy restaurant for lunch. Lunch was great. The ride home less so. Let’s just say spicy lunch plus upset stomach equals diarrhea, which makes for a smelly NOT fun ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 81

Shifting the blame

By Anonymous - 19/08/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, I gave ice cream to a kid and apple pie to his dad. The kid decided to grab a literal handful of the dad’s pie which was steaming hot. Cue the kid screaming and the dad yelling at me for not telling his kid that the dessert, that WASN'T HIS, was hot and he shouldn’t touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 36

Singed

By Bernice - 26/01/2025 15:00 - Canada

Today, I was showing my grandson how to blow out the candles on his birthday cake. I got a little too close and set my hair on fire. The candles remained lit but my grandson was too terrified to go near them after the whole ordeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 418

I'm OK, I swear

By Business - 06/02/2025 15:00 - Canada

Today, I walked into an office at work, ready to ask everyone a question. I then blanked and forgot why I was there the second everyone turned to look at me. I just stood there, nodded, and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 133

Spray it

By Anonymous - 13/02/2025 20:00

Today, one of the polyps in my husband's ass apparently burst because he farted in his sleep and sprayed blood all over the sheets and my legs, I thought he was dying. The ambulance took him away, but our daughter saw all the blood in our room and now won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 103

Happy anniversary?

By Anonymous - 14/02/2025 09:00 - United States - Carpentersville

Today, it was my one-year anniversary with my girlfriend, but instead of celebrating, we had to attend a family funeral with a bunch of people who "don't agree with our lifestyle." To make matters worse, I received my first ticket on the way there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 150

Life imitates life

By Anonymous - 21/02/2025 22:00 - United States - Lawrenceburg

Today, after years of seeing the original post, I finally did it. I was popping pimples on my nose so aggressively, I gave myself a bloody nose. Here's to you, OP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 382

Heat of the moment

By Anonymous - 23/03/2025 20:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I went to my girlfriend's place to have a study session. Her dad was on a business trip but her mom was at home. We studied for about two hours, then we started getting frisky and started undressing and soon started fucking. We were about 20 minutes in when her mom came in and chased me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 576

Cute kitty

By Anonymous - 24/03/2025 22:00 - Australia

Today, after I'd ordered a cute dress online for an upcoming date, I tried it on, only to realise it was more of a glorified napkin than a dress. The tag online had said “One size fits all.” I now have a dress that fits my cat better than it fits me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 172

So, the thing is…

By Hailee - 30/03/2025 15:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I woke up to dozens of messages from friends and family, all asking about a video of me saying something awful. It wasn’t me. It was AI. But try explaining that to my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 76

Such a Saint

By hungry/grumpy/disabled - 17/07/2022 12:00

Today, I'm on bed rest after a major surgery. I can walk to the bathroom but can barely raise my hands. At the hospital, my mom gave this dramatic speech of being there whenever I needed her. When I asked her to come make me breakfast, she didn’t show up til noon then complained I was in a bad mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 147

Roadworks from hell

By Jules - 28/10/2023 08:00 - Germany

Today, our road into town has been closed for construction for more than 2 years. Taking the shortest way around, which is twice as long, I discovered that it was now closed as well. This is not the first time they've done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 80

Wage slave

By Anonymous - 13/05/2021 10:58

Today, I realised that my work office is the building that I have spent by far the most amount of time in throughout my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 150

Not really my problem

By Anonymous - 26/04/2025 03:00 - India

Today, I got a text from a cousin thanking me for always being nice to her. Bear in mind that this “cousin” basically bullied me as a child, all while I looked up to her. She’s gone through a very rough time recently, so I thought she'd sent me someone else’s text by mistake and I told her so. She replied, “No.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 278

To-Do List Blues

By FML Approved - 09/10/2017 03:00

So much to do, so little desire...

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 112

Brutal

By Anonymous - 21/09/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that she prefers to be on top because I appear skinnier than I actually am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 298

Concentrate!

By Clowning - 03/05/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I was at a job interview. I was doing OK until I reached the part where I had to do a demo. As I lifted my arms, I my shirt got caught on the button of my pants, exposing my belly button. I tried to discreetly adjust, I ended up getting way too distracted mid-demonstration. The interviewer looked at me like I was a circus act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 132

Hobbit feet

By Anonymous - 12/05/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad has such thick, horn like toenails that when I stepped on one of the cuttings, it actually stabbed into the thinner skin on the underside of my toe and bled like crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 74

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The Top

Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 973

You deserved it 3 382

Today, I exchanged pictures with a guy I met online, whose devotion to his family really impressed me. In his picture, he was wearing clown makeup, holding a huge knife to his throat with one hand, and an ICP album in the other. All this with a psychopathic grin on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 418

You deserved it 7 823

Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 403

You deserved it 10 493

Today, my dad bought a one hundred dollar collectible light-saber. He plays with it. In the front yard. With sound effects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 781

You deserved it 7 959

Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard brush. Just last week I swore that I never touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 456

You deserved it 12 403

Today, I'm a teacher in the middle of a pandemic. Half my students haven't shown up to my class. The other half don't do any assignments. I keep my job based on how well my students do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 532

You deserved it 133