The Top

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The Dilbert Principle

By Anonymous - 28/05/2019 02:25

Today, I had to attend an interview in order to keep my job, despite exceeding all of my targets for over a year. My supervisor has not reached a single target at all in the same time, yet his job is safe and not under review. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 702

You deserved it 109

I hate the be the bearer of bad news…

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 23:01

Today, I texted my sister to ask her if she was OK after finding out that one of her oldest friends had died. She didn’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 106

Bad sign

By Jules - 16/07/2023 00:02 - Germany

Today, with the help of a good map, I managed to figure out that a near-invisible path that I hadn’t even noticed was actually the continuation of my bike route. Twenty metres further, I found the signpost confirming this… quite well hidden in a bush. For anyone without a map, FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 202

Skittish

By Anonymous - 18/07/2023 22:00 - Netherlands - Hardenberg

Today, my dad came home and wanted to grab a glass. It wasn't in direct sight so he slammed the cupboard door so hard, I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 192

Take the L

By Chrissy - 20/12/2024 14:00 - Canada

Today, I got a text from my mom that said, "Your dad and I are so proud of you." Sweet, right? It was meant for my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 75

Troubleshooting

By PC doctor - 01/04/2022 12:00 - South Africa - Kimberley

Today, I restarted my PC a few times because of a little clicking noise coming from the direction of the tower. No, my hard drive wasn't doing a death rattle, it was music coming from ear buds lying beside said tower on the desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 845

Treat Yourself Day (derogatory)

By mindy - 24/12/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I was supposed to be treating myself to a relaxing spa day, thinking it would be a great way to unwind. That was until the massage therapist somehow gave me a "reverse" massage that left me sore in places I didn’t know could get sore. I paid for this torture, and now I can’t even walk properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 117

Lonely, so lonely

By Sonja - 22/05/2022 14:00 - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, I would’ve been allowed to return to work after recovering from an accident two months prior. Yesterday, I had to start self-isolating after having gotten infected with Covid at one of my mandatory store trips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 106

Can't be unseen

By my poor eyes - 15/02/2021 23:01 - United States - Danville

Today, I found out the hard way that my 74-year-old dad sometimes wakes up early and washes dishes. Sounds great, except sometimes he likes to do so with nothing on from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 100

Room service

By Anonymous - 05/08/2026 03:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I spent at least 10 minutes trying to get into my hotel room because my key card wouldn't work. I finally went to the front desk, where they came along with me, then politely informed me I was trying to open the room next door to mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 376

It's not for everyone

By Stacey - 07/05/2022 22:00

Today, my fiancé had a nightmare and sat bolt upright in bed, claimed he had a nightmare where we were married, then his head hit the pillow and he was asleep again. That was his nightmare. Us being married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 182

Don't drink and Amazon

By Anonymous - 14/08/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I found a package outside my door and assumed that I'd drunk-ordered shit on Amazon. I opened it before checking the label, which I should've done because it was addressed to my neighbor, and contained 6 pounds of live crickets for someone's pet lizard. I have never closed a box faster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 352

Ah, push it! Push it real good!

By Jeff99 - 12/01/2025 03:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I walked into a "pull" door after confidently telling someone, "It's this way, I know this place like the back of my hand." The sound of my forehead hitting the glass kinda proved otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 509

Personality factory reset

By Anonymous - 29/05/2022 10:00

Today, and until he had a tumour removed from his brain, my husband used to be happy. Since then he's slowly turned into a miserable bastard. According to the doctor, the tumour messed with his brain to make him artificially happy, so he's actually back to normal. It was the size of half a pea and benign, so he could have kept it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 217

Let me down gently

By Anonymous - 15/08/2023 08:00 - South Africa

Today, two days after I auctioned for a choir and they'd told me to come back and reaudition two days later, I returned to reaudition… only to be informed that they weren't holding auditions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 127

Boxed in

By cuz803 - 09/05/2022 10:00

Today, my boxing trainer texted me, "You don't know shit about boxing" then blocked me on Instagram, all because I said Tyson Fury vs. Dillian Whyte was a trash, lackluster fight on my story. This is the same trainer who said I have good boxing skills and show potential. Sorry for my opinion I guess? FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 168

Pianissimo!

By Otala - 28/01/2025 15:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went to an orchestra concert and everyone was sat really close together. I tried to avoid hitting people nearby, and tried to lean back to not hit anyone. My bow ended up hitting a cymbal from the percussion section and made quite a loud sound. It was during a really soft part of a song. Kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 129

Heartwarming

By Gilbert - 04/02/2025 00:00 - United States - Buena Vista

Today, I made a snowman with my little sister. We spent ages rolling snowballs and decorating it with a scarf and hat. When we'd finished, she hugged it so hard that it collapsed. She cried, so I promised to build another one. It’s been three hours, my fingers are numb, but her smile is worth it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 129

Flustered

By Anonymous - 14/02/2025 00:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to a coffee shop to meet a potential client. As soon as I sat down, I knocked my coffee over, and it splashed all over my lap. I tried to play it off by making a joke, but I hadn’t brought a spare pair of pants, and the client turned up just as I was mopping my crotch with paper towels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 140

Recycled

By Anonymous - 20/02/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife told me to my face that I’m the reason climate change is killing babies. All I did was throw a snotty hankie in the bin instead of composting it to be used in her vegetable patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 106

Sit on it?

By Anonymous - 25/02/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, someone stole the seat off my bike. Just the seat. What the hell are they going to do with it? FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 87

End of the road

By Anonymous - 02/04/2021 21:30

Today, I landed my dream job with an international company. I figured I could work this until retirement, only to find out they hired me to shut down operations in my market. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 106

Quality fabric

By louise - 06/03/2025 03:00 - Australia

Today, I wore a new shirt I was really pleased to have bought. As soon as I put it on, I noticed it was a bit tight, but I thought it would stretch out. By the end of the day, I looked like I was wearing a sausage casing. My coworkers couldn’t stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 407

When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of Sixth Sense I…

By Anonymous - 15/03/2025 03:00 - Australia

Today, pearlescent liquid soap squirted all over my white pants while washing my hands. I have 6 more hours of work looking like I jizzed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 121

Wingnut

By Anonymous - 29/06/2022 06:00

Today, my son actually tried to get out of being arrested by claiming he was “an agent” and unless they let him go, his employers “from the government” would come looking for him and there would be “consequences”. The officers eventually got their breath back from laughing at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 203

We'll just order out

By Lili - 22/03/2025 09:00 - United States - Akron

Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 281

Tipping point

By Anonymous - 11/04/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I went to a self-checkout kiosk and it asked if I wanted to tip. For what? Watching myself scan groceries? I still ended up tipping 10% because I panicked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 465

On a loop

By Anonymous - 28/10/2023 12:00 - United States - St Louis

Today, I got home after a long day and decided to unwind a bit. I put some porn on the TV but promptly fell asleep. I woke up three hours later to the same video playing, but realized a had left my blinds open. I broadcasted three hours of Athena Faris having sex to my whole street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 571

Privatisation

By Lawrie - 12/07/2022 10:00

Today, the bus I needed to catch, that replaced the train I needed to catch, to get the flight home was full. I had to get a taxi instead. £140 to the nearest working train station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 104

Don't call us, we'll call you

By Despair - 27/04/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I was at a job interview and, just as I was about to answer a question, I suddenly got the worst case of hiccups. I tried to hold them in but ended up hiccuping in rhythm, making me sound like a malfunctioning robot. I spent the rest of the interview with a red face and no idea how to get my dignity back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 74

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend randomly confessed to basically having a "phobia" of monogamy. But don't worry, she defensively assured me she's never ever cheated on me, even though I never said she had, so I guess that's okay then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 811

You deserved it 2 474

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd have to ask his dad if it was OK. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "Come on, Dad" and "But why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 798

You deserved it 5 132

Today, my "friend" put itching powder in my cast while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 228

You deserved it 2 748

Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit my knee hard on another. I had trouble getting up, so I asked my dad if he could give me a hand. He started clapping and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 489

You deserved it 4 208

Today, I was at a very important music competition. When we'd rehearsed the song in question, the conductor said we were to repeat the last four bars of the song three times. As I went to play the third time, the whole orchestra stopped playing. I kept playing by accident and we came in third because of my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 354

Today, out of pure exhaustion, I laughed way too hard at something my coworker said. I got the giggles, and I couldn't stop. When everyone stopped talking, I realized I was the only one still laughing, sounding unhinged. I need a vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 112