Today, I was talking with a coworker about movie actors. I was trying to remember Forest Whitaker’s name and I blurted out, “the droopy-eyed King of Scotland.” Boy, did I get some looks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was talking to my manager about a movie. She asked what main actors were in it, but the only one I could remember was Forest Whitaker. I told her then immediately blurted out "You know, the one with the freaky lazy eye." My manager has a lazy eye. FML
Today, at work, I was making an appointment for an old lady who told me, "You look like a movie star!" I started to thank her when she followed up with, "Like that girl from the horror movie! Your black hair and pale skin makes you look scary! Oh, sorry…" with the coworker I hate the most sitting right next to me. FML
Today, I tried to compliment a coworker on her new haircut, saying, “Wow, it makes you look so much younger!” She raised an eyebrow and replied, “You mean I looked old before?” My brain short-circuited and I followed up with, “No, no, you just… looked older.” Everyone within earshot laughed while I wanted to crawl under the desk. FML
Today, a colleague said I looked “different” and I thought it was a compliment. It turns out they meant that I looked “tired and stressed.” I smiled awkwardly and said, “Thanks?” while internally dying. FML
Today, while meeting a new client, their assistant said I looked familiar. Before my brain could stop me, I blurted out, "I do porn." FML
Today, at work, I was discussing animated movies with a male senior who's got kids. I was trying to refer to Zootopia but couldn't remember the name. I went, "Zoo, zoo... filia?" Silence. It wasn't until I got home an hour later that I realized what I said. FML
Today, I told a coworker, “You look way better without makeup.” She responded, “I’m wearing makeup.” Everyone around us gasped like I had just said "fuck" in church. FML
Today, at work, a customer commented that I look like Zach Galifianakis. I'm a girl. FML
Today, I was in a serious meeting with my boss and a client when I remembered a dumb meme my friend sent me last night. I couldn’t stop myself from snorting. Everyone stopped and looked at me. My boss said, “Is something funny?” Nope. Not anymore. FML
Today, a customer asked me if I was English, because I was struggling to understand what he was saying. I said yes. He then called me a liar, and said I must be "one of them Polish immigrants." Oh, and he also had a thick Scottish accent. FML
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Top comments
angus 17
This is why America is doomed. It’s no longer possible to have a respectable adult conversation without people taking things personally and getting angry. The facts don’t matter anymore and when the right questions are asked that expose the rot… toys fly out of the cot and people get hurt. It’s going to take generations to repair the mess I fear.
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Comments (1)
angus 17
This is why America is doomed. It’s no longer possible to have a respectable adult conversation without people taking things personally and getting angry. The facts don’t matter anymore and when the right questions are asked that expose the rot… toys fly out of the cot and people get hurt. It’s going to take generations to repair the mess I fear.