Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while thinking about something cringe I did, I accidentally said, "Oh fuck!" aloud during someone's speech. The room besides me and the speaker was otherwise quiet. FML
Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was, "I farted." Well, at least they all laughed. FML
Today, I was on a work call when my coworker made an accidental Freudian slip. Thinking I was muted, I muttered, "That’s what she said." I wasn’t muted. FML
Today, my toddler repeated a very inappropriate word I'd said when I'd stubbed my toe. He chose to do this in the middle of a crowded supermarket, loudly, and repeatedly. Now the whole town probably thinks I have questionable parenting skills. FML
Today, I tried to "quiet quit" a Zoom meeting by muting myself and turning off my camera. Halfway through, I unmuted by mistake and blurted out, "I think they just like hearing themselves talk." Now, every time my boss says something, everyone looks at me. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at work, humming to myself while scrolling through memes. I started laughing and I said out loud, “You’re so stupid” to my phone. Someone in the next stall said, “Excuse me?” and I had to fake a cough and flush just to escape. FML
Today, I accidentally unmuted my mic during a class, and normally it would've just been silence, but dumb old me just had to sing a song at the top of my lungs, and I only stopped when my phone blew up with notifications. Great. FML
Today, again I wrote out another FML. Again, I deleted it before posting. Every FML I write would seem like I'm just making stuff up, or would be so obviously me that it would just cause me grief. My life is just an endless stream of weird stuff I can't tell family or friends. FML
Today, at work I put myself squarely in the lame / old people category when I foolishly asked out loud what FML meant. FML
Today, in my online class, I accidentally unmuted my mic. Normally that would be fine… except today I decided to serenade myself with a silly song. I didn't realize until everyone started clapping at the end of the song. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Is that by Skrillex? So, you do an embarrassing thing in the present to erase embarrassing things from your past? Looks like you've set up an infinite loop.
ClaremoreZebra 8
Dafuq? I'm sorry, just try and train yourself to forget those embarrassments and do it in private. In your house, or your room. Good luck OP!
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Comments (251)
iilovecokee 6
I like weird, but this just stumped me. What a strange method...
SUEHIM 0
Tell people you have torruettes
TheDrifter 24
It sounds like he actually might. "Blurted out" implies that it is an involuntary outburst.
KiddNYC1O 22
Vashh Kelly Clarkson!!
makymama 0
Awesome!! I do the same thing!!
lightburns 10
Whenever I feel embarrassed or anything, my brain automatically and unstoppably imagines something nasty - like spikes being driven up through my hands, or something. It's a bit weird, but at least it's private. It's unfortunate that your thing is public. FYL OP :(
frdmnky12 6
LOL! I do that too, I just thought I was crazy. It's worst when you're alone, right?
ClosetTroll 10
Still better than doing a clumsy walk in public out of embarrassment.
katcot99 11
Do you have any way of stopping this noise?
auzz1_pride 9
yes there is its called short term memory loss. There is no way to never not remember an embarrassing moment in your life while in a conscious or unconscious state of mind.
katcot99 11
I seriously love all of your comments, bravo!
KelliePZ1 6
I do that too! I'm not alone!
perdix 31
#64, why, thank you. Noor is pretty good, too, don't you think?
stevenmx86 8
Wtf?