Today, as I was reviewing my EMS textbook, I decided I would practice taking my own pulse. I started with finding my femoral artery with no success. My mom walked in on me while I had my hand almost up my crotch, muttering to myself, "Why don't I have one?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML
Today, as a nursing student, I needed to take a blood sample from someone and the veins on his arms weren't really easy to draw blood from. I asked him, "Can I please look at your legs?" It turns out he was amputated. FML
Today, I was taking a patient's blood pressure, and listening for his pulse with my stethoscope. I couldn't hear anything, so I adjusted the cuff and tried again. Still no pulse. He pointed out that my stethoscope was the wrong way around and sneered, "You been smokin' the reefer, boy?" FML
Today, I went for bloodwork. It's routine for me, so I was ready for the nurse to put in the needle and take my blood. It went in fine, but right after, she slowly pulled the needle out, then wondered why the blood stopped. She then moved it back and forth in my arm while I panicked silently. FML
Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML
Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML
Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML
Today, I decided to give blood for the second time. I felt excrutiating pain when she stuck the needle in my arm. Another nurse came running over in a panic. Apparently my inexperienced nurse had put it in my tendon instead of my vein. FML
Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a fingerstick in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year-old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to, "Watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The kid fainted. FML
Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML
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Top comments
ThatOneLonelyAsian 31
Doesn't your mum kmow how to knock?
E2dav 5
Privacy is a given regardless of paying rent or not. Not knocking is rude, even if you own the place. Everything else is whatever mum wants if it's her house.
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Comments (7)
ThatOneLonelyAsian 31
Doesn't your mum kmow how to knock?
mfranks19891989 10
If it’s her place and he not paying rent the she can do what she wants. Mom is alway the boss no matter how old you are
E2dav 5
Privacy is a given regardless of paying rent or not. Not knocking is rude, even if you own the place. Everything else is whatever mum wants if it's her house.
notatfault 8
I guess Freud had a point about girls's being envious about a guy's junk hahaha.
baristalbc 18
Sounds like the definition of penis envy 😂
Yudith 28
Why were you taking your pulse on your femoral artery to begin with? Was there an example of a guy with no arms and no neck in your book? Or was it supposed to be a freak accident leaving just the legs untouched?