Today, while stepping out of the shower, I slipped and cut my head. I went to the hospital, got 8 stitches and was tested for head trauma. After hours of ignoring my calls and texts, my girlfriend finally responded, very angrily. Why? Today is her birthday, and I "selfishly made it about me." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Drunken NYE antics
Today, my girlfriend got drunk and hit her head at a New Year's party. I took her to the emergency room just in case as she was bleeding, but she protested, yelled at the nurse, and got kicked out. Now she’s arguing with me about whether or not a head injury warrants an emergency room visit. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML
Today, I collided heads at a soccer game and needed 13 stitches in my head. I texted all my contacts to let them know I was in the hospital. I got back one response that said "bitch got what you deserve" it was from my cousin. No one else ever texted me back. FML
Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML
Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML
Ice cold break-up
Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML
Time to run
Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML
Acting out
Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML
STFU
Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I angrily texted her, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. Five minutes later I get a picture of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother, saying, "Shut the fuck up, she had appendicitis." FML
Danger zone
Today, my girlfriend's needy five year-old tried to swing on my arm while I was cutting celery. I needed seven stitches. Later, my girlfriend complained that I should have cleaned up the blood because she's squeamish, and that I upset her son by yelling and cussing in pain. FML
Top comments
crazylady654 0
lol, that sux. dump her :)
infuzi0n 0
hey! today is MY birthday! why does your girlfriend always have to make it about her?!?
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Comments (159)
crazylady654 0
lol, that sux. dump her :)
Reyo 2
You: Oh darn, it seems I have 15 missed calls from my girlfriend. *try calling girlfriend who won't answer* *she finally picks up after the 10th try.* Girlfriend: *without giving you a chance to say "sup"* "OH MY GOD WHY DIDN'T YOU PICK UP?!" You: I'm in the Hospital. Girlfriend: WHY?! You: I needed stitches. Girlfriend: OH SURE, BUT YOU CONVENIENTLY FORGET MY BIRTHDAY! YOU'RE SUCH A SELFISH PRICK! ALL YOU EVER DO IS MAKE IT ABOUT YOU! You:...lolwut?
Pointy130 0
Dump her. If shes not worried about your potential head trauma, she couldn't care less about you.
Reyo 2
It could be pronounced "Micheal" which is a guy's name. I know, it's pretty farfetched, but I've seen weirder name spellings.
drano 0
It's spelled Michael(it's my name :O) And Michelle could be his girlfriend. That's what I assumed when I first read his name.
pegasus77 0
Also, look at where he lives.
Marvidal 0
Dude, you're a ****. So is the OP's girlfriend. (omg puns on the Internet WHAT DO WE DO)
bleedforMayheM 0
8 stitches and head trauma learn to read dip shit
ryanchew3 0
oO that truly sucks. fyl
Biatche 0
Second
HeavyWeaponsGuy 21
Yes, we can see that #2
Contess 0
That right there shows that your bitch girlfriend is making it all about her. She needs a little compassion.
kyliebear 15
OP did make her birthday about him, but it was unintentional and he didn't mean it at all. It wouldn't hurt for the girlfriend to help him out a bit, surely?
infuzi0n 0
hey! today is MY birthday! why does your girlfriend always have to make it about her?!?
Veritas143 0
Hehe .. I see what you did there.. Happy birthday!
KatieGoesRawrr 0
happy birthdayy!! :D
infuzi0n 0
nope, it really was my birthday yesterday. i read the FMLs EVERY day!
bradg 0
slap her in the face
The_Disturbed 5
OP, FYL. Your girlfriend sounds like a real bitch. On the lighter side of life...you live in a place that reminds me of Tingle from The Legend of Zelda, Wind Waker...Nerdtacular. lol.
peacockfeather 0
FYL indeed. But I don't think you should dump her for that just yet; us girls tend to be very sensitive when it comes to these things. Not that it makes it any better for you, I know.
patticake1601 0
don't speak for all of us!!
Reyo 2
You say that as if it's now justified. "Yeah, real sorry about gutting your dog, but I thought you flaked on our dinner reservations. I didn't realize you were at Goodyear having your blown transmission fixed, but you know how us girls get."
Rabbity 0
Yeah, some of us don't really care about birthdays.
sarcdude 3
@44: I have a feeling you can't just make something like that up. :/
Reyo 2
Rudy was such a good dog to...never complained when I asked him to fetch me the remote or make me a sammich...his Pastrami hoagies were terribly, but always on time...*sigh*
GreenAlbatross 3
Girls don't get emotional about these things, dipshits do. People forget all kinds of things about me that would make that girl blow a gasket.
Sappheyes 0
Exactly, please don't say "us girls" as if I'm included in that statement. I appreciate if my friends or family do something for me, but I certainly don't expect it. Birthdays don't hold much special appeal for me anymore, I'd prefer to have a party with friends that wasn't supposed to be centered on me. This year my boyfriend took me out to a nice sushi dinner with some hot sake, and I promptly rewarded both him and myself afterward with some hot sex. And all was right with the world.
DizzyVulps 0
I wouldnt give a damn about my b-day if I thought my boyfriend had head trauma! She's really selfish.
Marvidal 0
Ahahahahaah are you serious? Honey, I'm a woman and I've never thought less of another woman for her "omg pay attention to meeeee"-isms than I do of the OP's chick, and now you, also. Idiot. "Us girls"? Don't attempt to speak for the female gender if those are your views. Unless you're trolling the Internet. In which case, well played, sir.
lostfaithinpppl 19
OP, do yourself a favor and dump her. She obviously lacks basic compassion and understanding of real life priorities. You can do better than her.
hottpinkicecream 0
How do you know he could do better than her? Though I think it's safe to say the the OP's GF is a bitch, we don't know anything about the OP. He could be a child molester, a murderer, or just not a good person, in which case, maybe he can't do better than what he already has...
trogdor_ca 0
Because being single is better than dating self-centered people like that. So yes, he can do better.
Reyo 2
Yes hottpink...because we can safely assume that the OP is a child molesting rapist from a 3 line excerpt about his girlfriend yelling at him for "forgetting her birthday".
hottpinkicecream 0
My point is that you don't know what kind of person the OP is, therefore you don't know if they could do better.
Reyo 2
By the sounds of it...I'm guessing he can. No one likes to be around overbearing drama queens. Overbearing drama queens don't even like to be around overbearing drama queens. At least we can safely assume that the OP's GF is indeed an overbearing drama queen, thus, he can do better.
lostfaithinpppl 19
Hotpink, Reyo already said it. Being single is much better than dating a self-centered drama queen. So, yes he can do better.
The_Disturbed 5
#4 - Happy birthday, infuzi0n :D
youthink_fml 0
Dump the bitches sorry ass. It's not going to get any better.