Today, the VP of my company stopped by my desk to personally deliver praise on my recent performance. I watched in helpless horror as the noxious fart I had just released slapped him in the face. He was too polite to leave but gagged through his entire speech. If farts can kill careers... FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML
Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML
Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML
Today, I was in a meeting at work. In the middle of our CEO's speech, I farted. Everyone heard including my boss, who looked over and said, "Do you have anything else you wanted to add?" FML
Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML
Today, at a job interview, my interviewer excused himself to use the bathroom, so I took the chance to let out a tiny fart I'd been holding in. That tiny fart filled the whole room. When he came back, the guy literally stopped dead in his tracks and recoiled at the stench. Doubt I'll get that job. FML
Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML
Today, I accidentally farted at a board meeting. My boss thought it came from the guy sitting next to me and gave him hell for being a pig. I was too mortified to say anything, even when the guy blamed it on me, which caused my boss to rage at him for lying and then to kick him out. FML
Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML
Today, I was in a meeting at work, trying to keep my composure. I quietly shifted in my chair and accidentally let out a fart. It echoed in the conference room, and everyone stared at me in stunned silence. My boss sarcastically said, “Well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.” FML
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Top comments
Colon_Man 17
My boss walked into a cloud years ago and before he could blame me I let him know that, "Tim just crop dusted." Tim didn't do it.
abbyade 21
These things happen lol. I am sure this won't affect your career..:). Farts of good performance? Good performance will always win (I hope) You have made a statement. He will always remember you by your good work and extremely noxious fart :).
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Comments (25)
abbyade 21
These things happen lol. I am sure this won't affect your career..:). Farts of good performance? Good performance will always win (I hope) You have made a statement. He will always remember you by your good work and extremely noxious fart :).
Lalala579121 28
OP truly has farts of good performance.
Colon_Man 17
My boss walked into a cloud years ago and before he could blame me I let him know that, "Tim just crop dusted." Tim didn't do it.
Lalala579121 28
And when if he asked who Tim is I hope you said "There are some who call me... Tim?"
manofmerr 27
Op's name made this fml better. And i do believe that worse things could happen. Worse comes to worse, find somebody named Tim to blame.
Yarecho 14
Pro tip: don't fart when someone's giving you praise
evilplatypus 39
In case you didn't figure it out from the thumbs, OP farted right BEFORE the VP came over to praise them.
TonierShadow 19
Quickly, go buy a dog and bring it to the office secretly. Now hope he thinks it was the dog that magically showed up.
beararm 11
how u explain to ur next employer y u got fired, lol op that sucks
wisconsinfml 3
read up on eating healthy. noxious gas is a sign of poor health. cut out wheat and increase vegtables and you will notice a difference.
isera 7
Actually, a plant-based diet creates more gas than an easily digestible (but unhealthy) meat and white flour diet. Kale, beans, peas, whole grains all can cause really bad noxious gas, especially if you are not used to eating them. Once your belly (gut flora) adapts, you're usually ok eating them. Also, protein powders, which aren't necessarily unhealthy, just unnecessary in most people, can make you super super gassy.
H4H 15
Creative username OP
Sparx1_1 16
Definitely YDI. There is a reason why most people avoid certain foods during the week. A quick trip to the bathroom to "wash your hands" works too. No reason for you to turn your desk into a toxic fumes area.
mermaidgirle 12
No, OP did not deserve this. Gas can and will happen even with the best of diets; and it can bubble up so suddenly that one cannot make it to the bathroom to "wash their hands." Farts aren't something one can plan for!
jstone89 13
Bahaha! I love the narration of this. :D